I will try to make the long story short. I was very much in love when i was younger with a military man & our relationship seemed perfect. Well, he got of the military & went home for a visit & never came back. I had no idea how to find him & i still don't know why he left me it seemed like we had a really good relation-ship. I assume he met someone else & just took a cowards way out but i don't know. After he left i found out i was pregnant & I now have a 14 year old son with this man. Well i found his profile on myspace. I asked him to add me as a friend. He accepted & told me he told me he thinks about me often but he never explained why he dumped me for no reason. I'm happily married and have been for over 10 years but i want so bad to tell him about our son but don't know if it is the right thing to do. My son knows his step-dad as his dad because we got together when he was a baby. I don't know what to do. Please be nice and offer me advice my nerves are tore up.
2006-10-21 21:17:21 · 16 answers · asked by ashley 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
They both know the truth. My husband is very understanding & would tell me to tell hmy ex about it. We both didn't know if he was even alive until yesterday. My husband trusts me 100%. He is aweome about this...About my ex he profile says he hopes for a kid someday but he dont have one yet. (that he knows of)..My son told me he wants nothing to do with his biological dad but maybe out of hurt. I've never bad mouthed his dad before so it's all him.
2006-10-21 21:32:53 · update #1
lilsouthe...
I never kept a secret he left me i didn't know where he was. I tried to find him but couldn't..I would of never kept him from his son it hurts to much as it is being dumped pregnant.
2006-10-21 21:35:55 · update #2
Sexy me 123-
I was looking for him because my health is getting really bad & it made me think that if my son ever gets sick someday & doctors need his biological fathers family information i don't know any of it. I know he "Wont" deny paternity because we were in a monogamous relationship for over a year & lived together the whole time. I want to get it clear i never lied to anyone about the paternity it would be impossible my ex was italian & my son looks exactly like his dad. He has darker skin & eyes & me & my husband are very pale white. The secret is i found him & haven't told anyone...
2006-10-22 05:11:33 · update #3
how come u did not know where he was at?
He went home to NY for a visit & left everything he owned behind~ even his dress blue uniform. He took a duffle bag, kissed me goodbye, told me he loved me. He was crying when he left because he said he'd miss me & he'd call me to let me know he made it okay.
Why did he not take you back home with him?
He told me his parents would never accept me because he is italian & i'm German & they wanted him to date an italian girl. They don't like mixing races.
Surely you knew the state and city he went to?
I did & the only listing i could ever find was his parents & his parents cussed me out when i called them. They told me i "better" leave him alone & to stop calling.
His name?
We lived together so i better have. : )
I don't think you tried very hard to find him?
I did but it was useless. Trust me this killed me inside for along time. Plus i was scared because his parents were really mean & i didn't think they'd accept my son.
2006-10-22 12:38:20 · update #4
He told me he left me because of my ex harrassing him i had no idea this had happened he should have told me but it is all okay. I don't really care because it made my life alot better.
2006-10-23 15:46:57 · update #5
This similar thing happen with my brother, and my niece.
LADY YOU NEED TO TELL HIM.
Nothing matters other than they know about each other. My brother has a VERY hard time dealing with this. Because never got to meet this biological father. It has been 10 years since my brother found out. His biological father just died two years ago. Just after my brother found him is when he died. My niece on the other hand. She got to see her dad off and other.
2006-10-21 21:32:02 · answer #1 · answered by Dwayne 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you say your happily married I have to wonder why you were still looking for this other man. My advice would be to talk it over with your husband. He has been your sons father for all these years, how comfortable will he be with sitting down and telling your son the truth? Are you willing to have this other man as part of your life again? If you tell him you will HAVE to tell your son & husband because once he knows he will have parental rights and may try to excersise them.
Remember also that he may deni paternaty completely or worse yet, not care and not want to see or talk to you or his son ever.
How would your son deal with that news after just finding out his dads not his dad?
Perhaps you and your husband should discuss it first, Then tell the other guy and wait for his reaction before telling your son anything.
I hope this helps you cover at least some of the possible consequenses.
(Personally If I had a good marriage and a happy healthy son I would let sleeping dogs lie).
Good luck with whatever you choose & God Bless
2006-10-21 21:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by sexy me 123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing like this should be a dark secret.You see your son every day..Your military man choose to do what he did (leaving) does not mean he is a coward..He served his country but does'nt mean he knows how to serve the human race.You keep in touch with him cause you think he will have some feelings for you still.
That is not wrong. You are married now. Are in in love with your husband? Your son will look for his father no matter what he says now.Keep fathers emal on paper with a will. Love your son the way you've been loving him..You will know when to tell your son's father he has a son.If you were not married you would have told him already.Don't judge his daddy,just tell him: I forgive you for leaving me with our son...He'll trip...And now he'll decide what he wants to do.Your decision was keeping the pregnancy and his was to leave you.Even though you both did'nt know why these paths were taken..Your nerves are not tore up because of this,it's cause your son is older and changing and so are you..
2006-10-21 23:14:16 · answer #3 · answered by antoinette o 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave it up to your son! It maybe confusing for him right now he maybe saying he don't want to meet this guy because he is loyal to his dad..........he may never want to meet him.......but somday he might.
I would tell the guy he has a child........but you are leaving it up to your son on any kind of meetings or anything, that your husband has been the father of this child for most of his life and your son loves him as such.
This way if later on your son changes his mind there will be no surprise factor. I don't see any reason why he should object to this.
If you had really wanted to find him all would have had to do was file for child-support!
If you had such a great relationship........how come you did not know where he was at? Why did he not take you back home with him? Surely you knew the state and city he went to? His name?
I don't think you tried very hard to find him? Why?
2006-10-21 21:55:06 · answer #4 · answered by pirate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...Of course it is the right thing to do! Your husband is the first one that should be told. Find out how he feels about this. If he is a good man, he will agree that the best thing you need to do is to let the "birth" father know that he has a 14 year old son. It is unfair to keep it from any of them. The only choice should be if they want to have a relationship with each other or not
2006-10-21 21:33:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one is tough.I have a very good friend in a similar situation and they finally decided to tell the son for fear someone else would.He was 18 and old enough and mature enough to handle it.Not sure what the right age is but I do know that your son has a right to know.As far as the father knowing..that's up to you.DO NOT base your decision on the fact that he was coward and hasn't told you why he left to begin with.The fact that you're even asking tells me that you want to tell him.
As far as your husband goes....you"re happily married for ten years right?I doubt this will change that especially if he knows your heart.
Your son will always think of your husband as DAD.A name on a birth certificate doesn't change that....it lists father.There is a difference!!!
2006-10-21 21:35:56 · answer #6 · answered by bob a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has a right to know that he has a 14 year old son. Does your son know that his dad is not his biological dad. If not you need to tell him. Also you should be talking with you husband about this.
2006-10-21 21:23:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone dont tell him your current husband is the babies DAD,if this guy cared he would have already know about the son from the day he was born,just keep the family together and dont try to cross that burned bridge.
2006-10-21 21:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, do a dna test from both the child and assumed father. this is an important reality check for all parties involved. second,once the dna test are in and proved to be the real father, then tell your son everything you know about this man. your son needs closure and to put things in perspective, not telling him could easily lead him to a darker road.
2006-10-21 21:57:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, i think you should talk to your husband about this one, although yopur son is old enough to make that decision on his own if you did chose to tell him. ask 1st you don't want to destroy your marriage but on the other hand. your son has the right to know his father and his father has the right to know he has a son. the choice is yours but put yourself into their shoes.
2006-10-21 21:21:38 · answer #10 · answered by nicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋