Is it possible to be a friend to your daughter?

Question

as well as her mother, my daughter is 15years old, up until now we have had a really close relationship, now she is branching out, talking back a little, not cheeky, but enough for me to notice she has changed, and her attitude has changed, any advice!

Answer 1

Yes just go with the flow,don`t forget this is a wonderful as well as a daunting time for your daughter.It is now that she is starting to find her own identity and place with other young people!And of course you can be her best friend as well as her mother,after all havn`t you always been there for her,just as you have nutured her,loved her ,and cared for her when she was ill ?You are already her best friend,she won`t alway tell you ,but i am sure you already know.Also give her space to blossom,find her way in life,but most of all talk to her as an equal,and not as a child,but as a young adult !

Answer 2

Girls have a lot of friends growing up but only one mother.. You need to be her mother not her friend...

There will come a time after your daughter reaches adulthood when you can transition into a more friends relationship but that time is still a ways off and your daughter needs a mother not another friend...

When she talks back call her on it tell her it will not be tolerated in any fashion even a small one... She is 15 and you will have to expect some changes in her personality as she begins the long hard journey from girlhood to womanhood this is the time when she needs the most direction from her mom and wants it the least (funny how that works out)...

Make a boundary, remember what it was like being a teenager yourself so you can bend the boundary occassionally as her actions warrent it but keep the boundary firm if her actions warrent that as well... Don't attempt to be her friend she has enough of them be her mother she only has one of those...

Welcome to the wonderful world of having a teenager.... (this is where all the grey hair on your moms head came from)...

Answer 3

15 years old, such a bad time of life. You know you are an adult but your parents still treat you like a child. Can't do this, don't do that. You will be in by 9pm. You're not going out dressed like that. Oh God, I remember it well. The screaming matches, slamming doors, saying some horrible things, wanting to kill her because she thought she owned me. How dare she tell me what to do, I hated her. She was never 15, how the hell does she know what I'm going through? All the lies, the deceit, all the tears. When I finally left home at 19 years old, I didn't have any contact with her for 2 years.
Looking back on it now, 25 years later, the memories are still very raw. I was a b*t*h. A cruel, heartless cow who deserved to be beaten black and blue for what I put my mother through.
She is 82 years old now, and she moved in with me into a granny annex I had built for her. I love her to bits and will take care of her for the rest of my days. I can't take back what I did, but I have learnt from it.
Why would you want to be best friends with your daughter? You are a mother. A best friend wouldn't put up with the crap that teenages put their parents through. But a mother will always be there no matter what.

Answer 4

Love her, be there for her, always be on her side and let her decide if she wants a Mom or a Friend. It will probably settle down to being both.
As a former rebel with a Mom who took everyone's side first, I know this is important.
We get on great now, especially as we had it out about the loyalty thing.
You sound like you have a great daughter who you have brought up well if she is just starting to talk back at 15. If she didn't do this, she would be missing out an important part of growing up. Endless patience helps at this time and if she wants to paint the room black, offer variations like deep purple rather than saying no.
Keep the lines of communication open, support her in any weird ideas she has. Be on her side.
You know this anyway, you have a great daughter, you know that.

Answer 5

Yes, - and no! Yes, you can be a friend to your daughter but not ONLY a friend. You are her mother first and foremost, and you need to remind her every once in a while. The best thing you can do for her is to make her understand that what she's going through is truly difficult (I'd hate to be 15 again - all the worry, insecurity and unfulfilled expectations!) and that you'll always be there no matter what. Respect her decisions, suggest the right things to do, and be there to pick up the pieces when her decisions turn out less than desirable. Commend her when her decisions work the way they are supposed to, and basically just love her. Oh yes, and one more thing: Remember to tell her that you are proud of her even when she has a bad hair day (Believe me, that's when she needs to hear it the most!).

Answer 6

At 15 she trying to become who she wants to be. This is when everything you've taught her will start to take effect. You must continue to be her mother. Don't expect her to like you right now. When she is past the teenage years she will be ready to come back to you as a friend. Right now, she needs a mother, she has friends at school. Be there to guide her and set her boundries. She is, after all, still a child. I believe the biggest mistake you can make as a parent, is to be your child's friend. That is not what they need from you. Think back to your youth and you will see what I'm talking about.

Answer 7

My mother is my best friend, but at that age, a mother that is your friend simply means a mother that doesn't put her foot down.

Being a parent and guardian puts you in a position to be responsible and make resposible decisions for your daughter. Unfortunately, during puberty what she thinks is best and you think is best will probably be different things. You will have to be stern and that's hard to maintain that parental respect with a close friendship mixing in.

In a few years when she is grow she will respect you that much more for having been a disciplinarian but it seems during these years she will need a mother more than a friend.

Answer 8

I am 17 and I have a mom who tries to be my best friend. DONT TRY TO BE HER FRIEND! Be her mother! She will have her friends that come and go and that she will talk to about things if she feels it's kinda awkward to talk to you about, but at the end of the day she will ALWAYS need that one person that she can run to that wont judge her and that she wont feel the need to put on a mask or an act and that's her mom. YOU! You gotta be her mother. Please don't try to be her best friend. In the long run, would you rather have a deep connection with your daughter and be her role model or a "shallow" (for lack of a better word) connection with her?

Answer 9

Yes, of course you can be her friend. But first and foremost you are her mother, and there is a certain responsibility and relationship that comes with that, and you must face that it is not just a friendship.....it is a delicate balance of love and letting her be herself, and keeping a certain check on her.
Just as you would not confide the most intimate details of your life to her, because she is your daughter, so you must not expect to be her confidante and hear her most intimate details. Give her the respect of being a respected daughter whose life is very much her own.
The women I've known who have treated their daughters only as best friends and confidantes have always regretted it afterward. Being a mother means always keeping a certain distance between you and your child, so that she can look up to and respect YOU.

Answer 10

hi im 17 i don't know if this will help answer your question but my mother and i have an amazing mother-to-daughter relationship. my mother to me is a friend(i still respect her as my mother). i can talk to her about anything(maybe nothing alittle TOO personal) and i guess it is better for the both of us so she can also get an idea on how my life is treating me lately etc... i dont know how your daughter is but as a teenage daughter myself, i guess we like to have a bit of our own privacy sometimes too because we are still growing up. i am not a great daughter myself but i guess the important thing is to understand eachother and also let her know that you are a friend to her but also her mother.