Please help me with this...?

Question

I am in my 30's and I have lead a "straight" life; but every day that passes; I feel like I am dying a bit more... I cannot tell my family how I feel; they would never be able to accept me as a gay person... How do I stop this pressure that is building inside? Please.....

Answer 1

do what you want to do and relax. It is YOUR life, just take a breath and try what feels right to you. You can't live your life according to other peoples rules.

Try living away from them. Move. Or just come right out and say, "I love you and I hope you want me to be happy, so this is how it's going to be." Or just keep it on the low down.

Whatever you think will work best for you, but ANYTHING is better than a life of lies and misery. YOu only get one shot at this life, so make it fun!

Answer 2

God says, first of all forget all the people who talk about the bible, they really haven't got a clue, and you can take that as a given from me. It sounds like that you want to tell your family but are afraid too at the same time. This is a natural feeling because honestly no-one can predict how they will react. HOWEVER, both of us know that it is something that you need to do because otherwise you know that you will not be able to move on with your life which is what you are ready to do. Your family may surprise you, and if not at least its out in the open and you will feel better about it because at least you can try to talk things through with them which is what you want to do. If you are getting stressed about this then contact your local gay support group and talk with some there. They can help you even more.

Answer 3

You just have to be honest with yourself and admit that you are gay and here to stay, which is the first step. Live one day at a time and when you feel it is time for your family to know. The first person you should talk to is your mother, she is the person who gave birth to you and loves you unconditionally. She will always trust and love you and abide in your decision. She will also be the ice breaker to the rest of your family especially your father. It will take time for things the heal, but believe me in the end you will not regret telling them...that is what family unity is all about. I wish you well and hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

Your 30! It’s your life. You’re a Man. I understand that you love your family a lot, and if they love you to then they will love you know matter what. Here’s the thing it will eat you up in side and I don’t want you to do anything drastic. What you have to do is have a plan B. Find a support group and be ready for the worse. Make sure you have friends there for you when you come out and just do it. When you do it at first “if “they take it bad your going to feel like s@!$# but in the long run you will feel a lot better. I’m here for you if you want to email me.

Answer 5

This all depends on if you have children and a wife. If you do, you should sacrifice your personal desires until your children can fend for themselves, and what i mean by that is wait until they make their own lives away from your home. Telling your kids your gay and getting a divorce will mess them up and cause them to have peer problems and identity problems. Live for your children, your wife should too.

If you don't have kids, but are married, be honest with your wife right away. So she can find another person and before she gets tied down with your children for years to come.

If you're not married and have no kids, just come out. Don't live a lie. Of course, you should still respect your family and their beliefs. Like don't bring your bf over, until you are commited to that person for real. Then if your family can't acept that person even though you are a commited couple, just respectfully decline to gather for any family event unless your partner is allowed to participate in it. If they can't accept it, then you need to decide if this partner is worth losing your family over. And thats all there is to it.

Answer 6

Well, the Bible states that leading a gay lifestyle is blasphemy in the eyes of the Lord and that those that do.."will not see the kingdom of heaven." Now I know that is a hard pill to swallow and I find myself going back and forth on the issue. I being a heterosexual female and a christian, but also having had friends that are gay, feel very torn. I think the thing to do is to find a place to be alone and just pray and talk to God. He knows what your going thru and He wants you to come to Him. Tell Him your a sinner(like the rest of us) and you accept Jesus as Your personal savior for dying for your sins. Ask Him to come into your heart and life and He will. I hope I've helped you in some way and I'll pray for you!

Answer 7

I led the "straight" life, had girlfriends in college, and a close friend living in another city 'came out' to me, and my reaction was "that's fine, just don't hit on me". A year later I told another close friend then that I thought I might like other guys. That friend (who was a girl) got upset, said I had been lying to her by not telling her, and our friendship ended and I never mentioned it to anyone else for years. I ended up working a lot of hours at my job when I left college and didn't have time to date girls, but looking back I was just trying to keep myself busy to avoid dating. A few months before my 28th birthday I realized that I wasn't getting any younger so I swore a sister who lived over 1000 miles away to secrecy and told her I thought I was gay. Her response... oh, I thought it was something serious. I was expecting a bad reaction and was really surprised by hers. A few weeks later my Mom said she could tell something was on my mind and asked me if it was a girl, and I said no. Then she asked if it was my friend who had 'come out' and I told her she was getting warmer. Then I blurted out that I was gay. Her response, which I had feared for so long, was... that's OK, but don't tell your father. She called me that night and told me that she told my father, that they were both OK with it, and then my Mom said that she kinda knew since I was 4 years old! She said that she was looking through at an ad and after she flipped past the men's underwear pictures I asked her to turn back because I liked those pictures (I don't remember it). Within a few months I was out to everyone and never had a bad experience. When I first went to a gay bar was the first time I really felt like I belonged somewhere because I knew that most of the people there had the same feelings that I had suppressed for so long. I had felt as if I was dying a bit more over those previous years, but I had finally decided to do what was best for me instead of what I had mistakenly thought was making everybody else happy. A few years ago my Dad called me at work and said I had to come to my parents house immediately, that my mother was very ill. I got there as the ambulance was leaving and the hearse was pulling up. After the hearse left and my other sister went home to tell her kids, my Dad told me that my Mom was happy that I was honest with her about being gay and that, although it is not something he would have chosen for me, that he was happy that I was honest with him too.

Now that I have said all of this, I did so to give you an idea that your fear is just that because you have most likely dreamt up worst-case scenerios. Unless you are financially dependent on your family, why couldn't you tell them... if you are not being honest with them they do not really know who you are. I want to say that I have one regret. That 'friend' that got upset when I told her that caused me to lead a 'straight' life for the years afterwards? I wish I would not have listened to her and 'come out' at the time because I feel that I was cheated out of those years, that they were wasted and something that I can never get back. You should do whatever you feel is in your own best interests because the only one who has to live with your decisions is you.

I wish you the best.

Answer 8

It really does feel so much better to be completely honest and open about who you are.
This may take some work, because first you have to let go of whatever it is that desires your family's approval more than your own happiness. Look into it and free yourself!

Answer 9

you can stop the pressure by being true to yourself...stop trying to be something you are not.
if by family you mean parents and siblings, you can be gay and stay in the closet if you are so concerned with their reaction. but if by family you mean wife and children then you had better have a talk with your wife soon.

Answer 10

first of all--relax...this is your life and it's up to you to do what it takes to ensure your own happiness.. If your family can't accept it (which you don't know for sure as yet) then they have a problem. Homosexuality is their problem; not yours. Hopefully, they,as have many many other families, can change their ways to embrace you....I can't believe that if they love you that they wouldn't want you to be happy...