Would inlaws still respect one if her appearance changes greatley since last meeting?

Question

I have gained alot of weight since I last saw my inlaws. I have zero self confidence and have been majorly depressed for over a year and have went from 140lbs (what they saw me last at) and now I am about 220lbs. I know, I am not pretty or anything but will they hate me or try and get my husband to leave me when they see how disgusting i have become? I am terrified, they are coming in December to visit. No i have not been in photographs either for about two years because I have been falling apart for that long.

Answer 1

I feel your pain. I've gained weight and I'm ashamed to be seen in public with my husband because I feel like people are thinking what on earth is he doing with that dog of a woman?

Isn't it horrible what society has done to the way we think and feel about our bodies?

No, I can't imagine in-laws trying to get their son to leave his wife because she's gained weight. I'd think that would be a non-issue in that regard.

Have you had your thyroid and blood sugar levels checked? Talked with your doctor about other medical possibilities about that amount of weight gain within a 2 year period? If depression is bringing on compulsive eating, there are antidepressants that also work on curbing cumpulsive behaviors. May want to check in on some of that kind of stuff if you haven't already.

I think the best way to go about this situation regarding your inlaws is just to take the bull by the horns and make a call. Call your mother-in-law or father-in-law (whichever you feel most comfortable with) and tell them that you are glad that they will be coming. You know - the make them feel welcome call. And during the course of the conversation, mention that you felt that you needed to let them know something so they wouldn't be surprised when they arrived. Let them know that your appearance has changed, that you've gained "some weight". Go ahead and let them know that you feel a little self conscious about it and so rather than being worried about what they'd think, you decided just to go ahead and tell them ahead of time.

If they ask a stupid question about how much you've gained, just say a good little bit, and let it go at that.

I know that would be a terribly awkward phone conversation to have, but it beats being as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs from now until December! And that way, their faces wouldn't have the total looks of shock on them that I know you're already dreading so badly.

As bad as I'd hate to do it - and we never know until it's us that's in the situation - but I believe that's what I'd do.

Bit the bullet, girl and let this be one less thing that's getting you down. Depression is heavy enough by itself without something like this dragging along behind it.

And, my friend, if you aren't already in counseling, getteth thyself thereth! The first few sessions do not feel very helpful or productive, but I promise you that it's worth it if you stick with it. Depression is horrible, horrible, horrible. Come on. If I were there, I'd drive you myself.

Answer 2

I feel terrible for you. I have not gained so much but I've gained and I know it is a blow to your self esteem. I think you should get your Mother in law on the phone and tell her how much you are looking forward to their visit but that you have gained quite a bit of weight and you feel so awkward with yourself that you are uneasy of their reaction to your weight gain. Tell her you wanted to let her know that you gained weight because it'll help you feel more at ease when they come for the visit.

Go out and get a new hair cut, maybe hightlights. Get 2 or 3 nice and comfortable outfits...but a new pair of shoes. Do a few things to make you feel better about yourself. That will help.

And if in the month between now and then you can lose 10 pounds, you will feel really great.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Sweetie, I don't even know you and I love you!

Please get help for your depression - I know it's hard, but you have to do it! Even if the first step is just a self help book!

You have several weeks - try eating a little less of what you normally eat, every day (no sudden changes in eating habits unless a doctor tells you!), and getting in a little more activity every day (try finding something you can do in private, and something fun, like dancing to music you really love and KNOWING no one is watching!). Just three minutes to start off with, okay? Nothing you can't handle!

Get out to the store and buy yourself some bubble bath, body lotion, new mascara and some tinted lip gloss.

It's just a hunch, but I think I know someone who could help you. FlyLady. Marla Cilley. Google her. Trust me. It's all about babysteps!!

and I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL TO ME!!!

Answer 4

I am no help because I am feeling the same way. I gained alot of weight with my last baby, and feel disgusting. So I refuse o go back to my home state to see our families. It has already been 2 years. My kids want to see there grandparents, but I am too scared.

Answer 5

You know, I am sure they know. News like that, unfortunately, does travel. That should not change their feelings, at all!
I think you need to buck up yourself - it's all in the self-confidence and self-esteem - which has absolutely nothing to do with your weight, weight gain, or appearance.
If you are not able to handle things going on with yourself - by yourself, then by all means, seek some help. It's not great not being happy!

Answer 6

What happened? Have you seen your doc for depression help? My sister in law gained a lot of weight in dealing with her mom's death, and the inlaws were very supportive and understanding of the fact, though of course everyone noticed. If they're nice people, they will be concerned for your health and want you to address the problems that caused you to gain weight; if they're not nice people, then nothing you could ever do would please them anyway and you should not care what they think. Please see your doc right away.

Answer 7

I am more concerned with your feelings about yourself... you were pretty brutal in discribing yourself.... please get into a women's group for counselling and then get a physical --- after that head over to Curves or some other diet and exercise place. Your health is important ! Saying cruel things about yourself will not make the weight disappear... if you start now, it's possible for you to loose some weight between now and Christmas time.

Answer 8

I wore a really loose-fitting polo and sagging jeans and basketball shoes the other day and now I'm wearing a hoody and sagging jeans with black Chucks on a regular basis. That count?

Answer 9

Girlfriend work on your weight if you are worried.....Weight watchers will help you lose all that weight by then....Quit complaining and take care of the problem.....They won't hate you, but you will have to worry about your hubby finding someone else because you gained so much.....You are probably what he did not marry, however if he does not care then don't worry about it.....For your sake weight watchers is the best my mom was with weight watchers and it helped instantly....

Answer 10

u married ur husband not his family remember this yeah ur gonna see them but thats all when thats over u will still have ur husband and ur life together, if ur husbands ok with it and never makes any comments then its fine....what caused u to fall apart? dont worry too much about it, he married u to love u for better or worse so heres your test..good luck and im sure ur beautiful just the way you are!