Is it better to be a realist or an optimist?

Question

My g/f and I are having this debate. She says I'm always negative and cynical, but I don't see it that way. I see it as "not counting my chickens before they're hatched" and focusing on achieving small goals, but not getting my hopes up, so that if I don't acheive those goals, I'm not terribly disappointed, and also, it makes it that much MORE enjoyable when life suprises you with good things.
She on the other hand believes in motivational speakers and metaphysics, and said, "as a man thinketh...if you expect the worse, you will get bad stuff, it's what you expect & it's the Law of Atrraction...Metaphysics" and also "no matter where you go, there you are" and "bloom where you've been planted" ect...
She argues with me that I must be immune to positivity. I said "so, if you don't like me to much, why do you continue to talk to me? I think you LIKE the debate I bring to the table with you, because I open up your mind to new ideas, just as you do to me."

Answer 1

its better to be a realist...optimists are great and all but they think in the positive to much then they get disapointed alot. at least a realist is aware if a negative outcome will happen and can plan accordingly

Answer 2

Ughhh! I can't stand realists! Be an optimist!! you'll be surprised how many good things happen just because you believe they will! You don't get so upset and stressed. There is common sense such as knowing you can't make it from Las Vegas to Dallas on a tank of gas. I am an optimist. I enjoy life. When life throws hard balls I duck and keep going. When they hit me, they hurt then I laugh later. Sometimes at the moment they hit. It makes everything better. Really. Your girlfriend sounds like a good person. She hasn't dumped you yet so she obviously has faith in you. But since she told you you were always negative, that's a flashing red light that something is wrong. She seems to be getting frustrated.When someone else tells you this but you don't see it, that could be a problem. She is still with you because she believes you can change. She doesn't want to give up on you yet. So optimistic huh? You should give her some credit. Try being a little optimistic with her. That would make her feel alot better.She's counting on you, her boyfriend to be a little optimistic. Even optimistic people get frustrated. They don't understand how someone can't just BELIEVE. Hope this helped.

Answer 3

If by being an optimist, by setting your goals farther, you are actually able to acheive things you wouldn't have thought you were able to as a "realist", then by all means be an optimist. However if you are the kind of optimist with a weak heart and would be set back by your losses, then you are probably better off with the realist approach.

On the other hand, if you are a realist whose ability to analyze the situation enables you to acheive more than you would as an optimist, then of course you are best off as the realist. As a realist, you really don't have to worry about heartbreaks, but you might start to wonder whether your heart is really invested with all that insurance.

Answer 4

Personally, I think that being a realist helps you be ready to take anything. Instead of only seeing something in a good or bad light, you see both, and it prepares you for whatever might happen, and it keeps you from being hit on your blind-side or anything like that.

Optimism, while good when trying to cheer someone up after a depressing day, isn't so good on the acceptance front. If something bad happens, sure, you might be able to say, "Well, at least it can't get any worse," but there is always a feeling of disappointment that it didn't go as well as it was originally hoped.

Answer 5

a realist is not necessarily negative, they are objective. an optimist is not insanely positive (as are the motivational speakers you refer to).

In Mel Brooks, "The Twelve Chairs" there is a song that goes 'Hope for the best; expect the worst'.Would you call that optimistic yet realistic?

It sounds more like she sees you as a pessimist / negativist, always looking for the bad and not the god, while you see her as a pollyanna, always seeing the positive and ignoring the reality of the negative.

As to how you two are still together; besides the physical or other reasons, have you considered the possibility that you both are a bit masochstic?

Answer 6

I believe that neither outlook will have any affect on the outcome because both are just devices for dealing with the outcome. Some people get their hopes up and are devastated when things don't turn out the way they expected. Those people become realists because it hurts too much to be that disappointed. Optimists typically do not get especially hurt when things don't turn out well, so it feels better for them to approach things with a positive mind.

I don't think that one is better than the other. It's just the individuals way of coping.

Answer 7

I think you need to have a combination of both. You need to face the facts of reality, yet you also need to be an optimist and have the faith that everything will come together as it should. There is nothing wrong with having hopes and goals as long as you still face the reality of the chance they might not happen. As far as you and your girlfriend go...they say opposites attract...I see your point with it making it much more enjoyable with the good things, as long as you are not expecting the worst, there is nothing at all wrong with being a realist.

Answer 8

It's a typical couple topic, the guy is "a mundane, realistic, cynic..." while the girl is "an optimistic free spirit full of positive thoughts...". And as far as i have researched, it has always been like that. Its part of our cultural training as males and females of humanity. Girls play with Barbies, boys play with HotWheels; women watch melodramas, men watch the news.

In the end, girls live longer than boys, and optimism is usually related to longevity. So maybe we should give it a try without being naive, unless you have a man to take care of the situation if it gets ugly.

As for your lady, try some sidewalk psychology and tell her how much you need her positive attitude in your objective, shallow, mundane, etc. vision of life.

Answer 9

In this situation, one person is realistic about the other, and the other is optimistic about the realistic ! The bond has to sustain due to absence of negativity, but the debates are to continue because of mis-match of levels of optimism !
The realist has to extend the scope of possibility to enhance the ability at a better pace, and the optimist has to scale down the unrealistic , far fetched expectations to make it available within the reach of logical perception, to make life more meaningful, and to evoke better sense of involvement in short term goals.

Answer 10

First I don't live in your country, so I can't always explain me completely, I agree with you in the fact that through small goals you finally arrive to a great achievement (or at least a very good one - I experience it),
As for Metaphysics as a cult or goal I rented a house to these people to teach their followers, and I only saw money collectors, excuse me if my words are too rude.

Answer 11

Its way better to be a realist. I say this as a 44 year old woman, thinking with rationalism instead of emotionalism. Stuff happens. I do know also, that thought does create reality, so being an optimist does actually help reality.