My husband wants to leave because he did not want to get married in our freshmen year of college and thought we should have got married later in life. But he never bothered to tell me till 2yrs into the marriage. now he wants to get a seperation because he went from his mother's house to our own place but never got the chance to check out life on his own. he says maybe later in life we will be together again but he just wants to disappear from everyone even his family. Should i just let him go and not put up fight? he says he still loves me. i feel like 5yrs have gone to waste.
2006-10-21 17:48:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sure it's a legimate reason ... but is it the only reason? Sounds like you're both young. You might consider your own perspective on this. What can you learn from 1) his request and 2) your possible responses. You can react to him, but then you'll be letting him lead the dance (for all relationship is a dance of sorts). Or you can examine your own position in life and make a choice based on what's right for you. Do you love him? Has your marriage been wonderful up till now? Do you feel that you're both mature adults or kinda just feeling your way along? Perhaps there are great opportunities for each of you in separation, even if it ultimately comes to divorce. In any case, I've learned that you cannot hold on to someone. Trying only creates emotional distress for both of you. Maybe some deep soul searching is in order here to allow you to make a choice that's best for your own emotional and spiritual well being. Find your center and take your perspective from there. Don't ignore your emotions, but don't let them rule you either. You have other strengths at your disposal. Good luck!
2006-10-21 18:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by invisi61e 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it kind of sounds like he is actually going through a form of mid life crisis. I think that both of you should go to counseling and then if his mind is still really made up that he wants to leave he should do so. Would you feel any better if he waited 10 or 20 years before he went. People put too much emphasis on being together 5 years 10 years or whatever. You must have had some good times in those 5 years so they were never a waste. I was with my first husband almost 17 years, I do not consider them a waste. I grew and evolved becoming the woman I am today with all my faults and frailties as well as a few good points I'm sure. It will be very very hard and maybe some day he will be able to be the husband that you want him to be but set a deadline for when he has to have himself sorted out. It almost sounds like he just wants out when he says that he wants a separation.
2006-10-21 18:39:21 · answer #2 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, if your husband wants a separation, there probably isn't much you're going to be able to do or say to change his mind. His reason though is seemingly more childish and selfish than legitimate, especially if he thinks that you will be there waiting for him to get this out of his system. You certainly can fight him on it but that may just reinforce him wanting to leave even more. I would remind him that he made a commitment to you and your marriage. I would also try and find out why he seems to suddenly feel this way and what he truly thinks he has missed out on in life. Good luck.
2006-10-21 18:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by sweet/jennie/leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you two were married, you made a committment to each other and a vow to God. Don't take your vows lightly. Surely there is bumps in the road and marriage is not always like driving on a straight interstate road. You will have twists and turns and sometimes the pavement will be rough. But you must learn to manover past these obstacles. If he loves you and you still love him, then don't give up. Remember, you have not totaled your vehicle yet. Just put it in 4-wheel drive and get past this.
2006-10-21 17:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by ru.barbie2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is to immature to be married. If it wasn't for alternatives to marriage more people would be married for life, and more people would think things through before getting married. Don't get a separation because you'll just be his alternative in case he fails, get divorced and make it final and be more careful on who you chose to marry if ever again. Pack his bags for him see him to the door and don't look back cuz if he really loves you like a spouse should he couldn't see his life without you. What he has or hasn't done on his own is insignificant.
2006-10-21 18:01:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if his mind is already set, let him go and see how he'll survive. If he decides to come back, that is the time you have to decide whether you still wanna play (hard or soft), depending on how you feel after the separation. Waste? what's the waste, if there are no kids involved - I always knew NOTHING IS PERMANENT ! Why do people still think of getting married in this millenium ? To punish themselves with a life sentence I presume.
2006-10-21 17:54:08 · answer #6 · answered by PikC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a little late to be thinking of trying to live the single life now. This is just some whiney excuse he is using to keep you hanging hook, line and sinker. That way he can always come running back to you. Tell him there is no problem with him leaving but that he needs to be carrying divorce papers with him as he walks out the door. You dont need this loser........go find yourself a man who will honor his vows and commitment
2006-10-21 18:10:00 · answer #7 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has some serious issues that he is not telling you...to completely disappear would seem to me that he is not happy with any facet of his life and wants to reinvent himself...if he loved you he would open up and say what is really on his mind...he cannot love you but be willing to disappear from everyone...this happened to me so I speak from experience...got married and then wife said 6yrs later she should have never married me and then walked out on me and her family...I hope things work out for the best...bottom line is he wants his freedom but you there for that net should that freedom crash and burn....
2006-10-21 17:56:59 · answer #8 · answered by noodle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says that the only time divorce is justified is when there's marital unfaithfulness. It's his own fault for not telling you how he felt before you two got married. And what kind of living does he want to do? Does he just want to sleep with other women?
2006-10-21 17:52:40 · answer #9 · answered by prepschoolforeternity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes , you should just let him go and see what it is all about. even when the laundry needs to be done! that wasn't very fair to you an he should of been honest in the first place. but let him go an don't contact him. make him wonder how much you are enjoying your freedom. it may work out later for yuns.
2006-10-21 17:53:14 · answer #10 · answered by kierstead 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋