6 year old with Asperger's - please read is you have experience with an Aspie child.?

Question

I am looking for suggestions on how to finesse these situations. My son (6) gets along better with kids 1 to 2 years younger than he is. At least right now. Because 4 and 5 year olds except him as he is. When he's 8 and they are 6/7 - that may not be the case any longer.

The way he likes to play and toys he chooses are looked down upon by his peers as they outgrew it apparently and are on to other things. Do I encourage more age approproate things, or let him take his time moving on to new types of activities...

He is the sweetest little boy I know. I know he's my son, but honestly he is so 'pure hearted' and naturally 'sweet'. I hate to see him not noticed for that by anyone else, as he shows that side of himself only around trusted family members. He is incredibly affectionate and all smiles and loving. I would like to have ABA therapy for him at school. Would that help him socially? Does the district have to supply ABA for him if I request it?

Answer 1

The district does not need to provide a specific program such as ABA, but they do need to address his needs in socialization. As a special education teacher experienced with students across the entire autism spectrum, I don't think ABA would be the therapy of choice as an intervention for your son. It can be effective in teaching certain specific types of responses and behaviors, but what the social situations you are describing are not best addressed by learning a specific response. That's what hard about social interactions for kids on the spectrum. I had one student who did well as long as he could learn "the rule" about any given situation; as a result, he was well above grade level in math calculation, because that is totally governed by rules. Language, and to a much greater degree, socialization, are much more free-flowing and open to interpretation, which is tough; Andrew would sometimes say in exasperation, "Just what IS the RULE that applies here?"

Some of the pragmatics of social interaction can be addressed by a speech and language therapist. These can include things like how close we get physically, how to make eye contact, facial expressions and body language, how to respond to the social overtures of others, etc. - in essence, the basics of verbal and non-verbal social communication.

Another possible approach is with Social Stories. Just type "social stories" into any search engine, and you will find many websites explaining the process. Carol Gray
(thegraycenter.org)
is the originator, but many people have used and expanded and adapted the process. The stories are written for the specific child and the specific situation, and I have found them to be very helpful for many children.

As far as your son's choice of playmates, and the age-appropriateness of his activities, I wouldn't be in a big rush to change things. If he is interacting in a way that is mutually satisfying, he is having experiences that he can build upon. As he gets older, he will be able to better understand the ways that people behave socially (the RULES, as my friend Andrew would say) and to adjust his behavior to accomodate the social expectations.

One last comment: I always try to be sensitive to what is meaningful and motivating to the individual child. I hate to see social goals imposed on children by people who just can't imagine that the child is happy interacting in ways that are not mainstream. I don't mean that we can ignore behavior that is rude and conspicuous in a negative way; but sometimes in our zeal to help children socialize, we forget that some people (and not just people with Aspbergers or autism) don't really "get" socialization the way most people do. It's not important to them in the same ways as it is to many others, yet we try to force them into a "social expectations mold." I knew one girl who had a goal to greet 5 people daily with appropriate words. I would hear her saying, "Good morning, Joe. That's 3. Hi, Ms. Jones. How are you? That's 4. Umm, come on, come on, OK. Hi Sam. It's nice to see you. That's 5. I'm done." And, with great relief at having met her goal, she would run off to ask things that she found more interesting, like "What color is your bedspread?" She was an intellegent and delightfully quirky child, and while greeting people appropriately is something that is generally expected, this approach didn't make any sense to her except that there was a numerical goal to meet.

Your son sounds like a great kid. When you have his IEP, be sure that there is a plan addressing his social needs, and when his goals and objectives are written, make sure that they will have actual meaning to your son and are likely to actually advance his socialization, rather than a meaningless exercise like I described above.

Answer 2

i used to have a teenage boy with asperger's in my classroom. at the start of the year all the teachers were given "need to know information" and a contact in case we had additional questions. mom did little to communicate any additional concerns with the teachers. the boy had obvious communication problems with his peers. however, aside from complaints about his need for control of the group, no one abandoned him or even criticized him in an attacking manner.
besides a few minutes addressing the condition and its impact on the child we had little other training. however, this is typical because there are so many other conditions and issues to address as well. you can't count on the district to supply for all your needs. sadly, schools have little funding and overwhelmed personnel. without a doubt, your son's needs will be addressed but if you want thorough attention, you'll want to seek outside options as well.
and please don't blame the district. there are many children, many needs and everyone feels that his/her concerns should take precedence.

Answer 3

I think don't make to big a deal out of it. Don't make him feel different. Children develop differently and react to life in different ways. We all have strengths and weaknesess. My son has never been diagnosed but he has always had trouble getting along with peers and has never made many friends. He went through a really bad time last year. He was compulsing and obsessing and had voices in his head telling him what to do. I changed him to a school that uses choice theory and it has made a huge difference. If you want to know more check out the William Glasser Institute website. It helped me alot.

Answer 4

The district does not have to supply ABA therapy... they just have to meet the minimal standards of a free, appropriate public school education. You should ask for the ABA therapy though... it can't hurt. With asperger's, there will always be some children who do not understand your child's behaviors or extreme obsessions/interests, and will avoid them. Unfortunately, this is just part of going through being a kid. Try to help your child find one really good friend to hang out with. Often, girls make a better "typically developing" friend for children with disabilities because they tend to have more nurturing personalities. Perhaps your child's teacher can assist you in choosing a child who seems to have an interest in your son in the classroom, and pair that child as a "helping buddy" to help watch out for your son at school. As for at home, I would continue to expose him to new things... he probably gets "stuck" on one subject or toy for quite a while, and has a hard time playing with toys productively. This can make it really hard for him to connect to the play levels of children his age, who are pretend playing scenarios. If he is not to this level of making up adventures and collaborating on a plot for play, he can be left out simply because he doesn't know HOW to play. This is probably part of the reason he feels more comfortable with children who are at a younger play level... they are closer to what he can do and comprehend at his stage of development. Just keep working on building on the play skills and language skills he has. Language skills can be another barrier for children with autism, PDD, and asperger's. They just don't have the skills to communicate with others their age. Some of the obsessiveness attributed to asperger's can also cause relational problems... other children don't know how to respond when all another child talks about is baseball statistics. They find it hard to carry on a "normal" conversation, and so they give up and leave the child out. Keep working on conversational skills; how to jump into conversations, how to vary the content, and how to chat with another person about nothing in particular. It is these small nuances that truly are difficult for people with PDD- type disorders, since they have trouble recognizing expressions and body language in conversations. Play with your child! That's the best thing you can do! Involve him in conversations all the time, and show him that you love him being part of your world! Good luck!

Answer 5

http://aspiesforfreedom.com/index.php?page=about

Maybe somebody at this site could help you. Sorry that I can't.
When I was six years old, nobody had even heard of AS.
I was diagnosed at age 66, would you believe.
You have answered a couple questions about myself when I was a kid. I am very grateful to you.
I was always a couple years behind the other kids at toys and games; a couple years ahead in academics.

Answer 6

maybe you should take spelling lessons lol!

Answer 7

Hi,

My son also has Asperger's Syndrome. He is a 15 years old high school freshman and one of the most delightful and interesting persons I know! His social behavior was very similar to your son's when he was younger (because of their delays in socialization skills Asperger's children are better able to negotiate play with younger children). Unfortunately, the challenge of developing and applying social and pragmatic speech skills with others (outside the family and familiar adults) has gotten worse as he has gotten older - as middle and high school are troublesome social milieus even for non-disabled kids!

Different states have different policies when it comes to providing students with "extra" services. In the state of California, for example, the Department of Education certifies non-public agencies to work with LEAs (like school districts) to provide Behaviorial Intervention services such as ABA therapy as part of a student's IEP. Districts, however, are fairly reluctant to add such services to a child's IEP in the absence of extreme behavior problems because of the cost involved. Many parents do have eventual success --- with the help of a professional special education advocate or attorney --- getting their child's district to add these services. But this often happens only after a fairly expensive battle with the district via the state's due process options for parents who disagree with their child's current IEP services or placement.

Another option in California for getting these kinds of services is through the state's Department of Developmental Disabilities. The CA DDS operates Regional Centers who provide access to services like ABA therapy to their clients for free or reduced costs. Our son currently receives social skills therapy through the Regional Center. However, frequently children with Asperger's are not deemed eligibile for Regional Center services because they are often seen as too high functioning (as compared to children with classical autism, PDD, Fragile X syndrome, etc.).

My son did not undergo ABA therapy...I find the approach to be somewhat troublesome, as the real world is not rigid and structured like the ABA treatment environment. My husband and I wanted our son to learn to be flexible and malleable enough to deal with life as it is (warts and all)! One of my biggest concerns was that children who undergo this kind of treatment often have difficulty generalizing the skills learned and practiced during treatment to other environments (e.g., home or school). Although ABA has shown modest success rates in improving academic performance of autisitic children in recent clinical studies, children who underwent ABA treatment had virtually no gains in social behavior. The emphasis of this type treatment seems to be more focused on deterring maladaptive behaviors (which may be why, in part, districts typically offer the service to only to children with extreme behavior problems) than developing postitve social interaction skills. However, If you'd like to learn more about the benefits and drawbacks of the LOVAAS/ABA approach vs. naturalistic behavior therapy for autistic chldren try, "A Tale of Two Schools," by Claudia Wells from Time Magazine (May 15, 2006) at http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1191852,00.html

You may also want to consider the possibility of getting your son intensive social skills therapy and, if he is not already receiving it, speech and langauge therapy with an emphasis on the development of pragmatic speech. You can do web search for social skill therapy providers in your area and inquire about whether they are vendors of your son's school district or your state's program (like the Regional Centers in CA) for individuals with developmental disabilities.

And lastly, try this site (http://www.rdiconnect.com/default.asp) for more information on Relationship Development Intervention (RDI), a promising approach to helping autistic children establish peer relationships developed by Steve Gutstein. We are exploriing this option now...

By all means, request behavior therapy (ABA or naturalistic), social skill therapy, or speech and langauge therapy for your son at your next IEP meeting! We have truly found that the squeaky wheel gets the oil! It may take some time to convince the school district, but continue being a vocal and aggressive advocate for your son. It will help if you are able to talk about how behavior (ABA or naturalistic), speech and language and/or social skill therapy are critical to helping your son better access the curriculum in the general education setting and demonstrate mastery of grade-level academic standards as measured by high stakes tests and classwork. You may also wish to work with an independent agency to complete a Functional Analysis Assessment prior to your next IEP team meeting. This assessment can go a long way toward supporting your request for district-funded ABA or social skills therapy to support your son's academic and social growth and development.

Here is a link (http://www.ddhealthinfo.org/asd.asp) to a great resource we used to prepare for our son's IEP meetings that you may find helpful. It is published by the CA DDS and entitled the Autistic Spectrum Disorders: Best Practice Guidelines for Screening, Diagnosis and Assessment. It was truly invaluable in helping us to ask the right kinds of questions in IEP meetings and articulate why he needed additional assessments and services. We also referred to "Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals," by Tony Atwood (http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/). His website is also a wonderful resource, especially the section "Books on Social Skills."

You may also want to look at complementary and alternative therapies for autism (e.g., chelation, vitamin supplements, homeopathy, craniosacral therapy, naturalistic behavior therapy, etc.). There were several articles in the Jan/Feb 2006 issue of Mothering Magazine (http://www.mothering.com/shop/back_issues.html and http://www.mothering.com/newsletter/press-release-feb.html) that may be helpful if you'd to explore these kinds of therapies further. Additionally, below are some other articles of interest from their website:
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/child_health/autism-families.html
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/child_health/aspergers.html
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/child_health/autism-approaches.html
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/child_health/autism-approaches.html
http://www.mothering.com/sections/experts/arranga-archive.html#to-begin

Check out http://www.clayforautism.com/ for more information about the success of non-drug chelation options like Bio-Chelat and visit http://www.drakeinstitute.com/ for more information about the successes of neurofeedback with autistic children.

Good luck!

P.S. Don't worry about your son's choice of toys. My son still occasionally plays with action figures and watches Sesame Street (when he's alone in his room, of course!), but he did develop an affinity for more age-appropriate leisure activities like video games and web-surfing quite naturally when he was ready. He certainly has some eccentrities (he wore homemade "phoenix wings" and a "tail" for most of sixth grade and five t-shirts at a time for much of eighth grade), but we talked to him and helped him to understand that some things must be limited to home and summer months to avoid teasing at school. This year he's adopted wristbands (which he wears on both his wrists and ankles) and a homemade necklace (which he created from a hoodie string and a plastic crystal from a broken votive holder) as his must have accessories. They are easily hidden beneath his clothes so he's able to wear them to school. My husband and I try very hard to let him be who he is at any given moment in an effort to bolster his self esteem and help him to retain a positive self-image despite outside pressures to be "regular."

It is, of course, very difficult to watch your child struggle with social and peer relationships. Most of us learn how to negotiate peer relationships naturally as a result of simple observation. For Asperger's children, socialization is a specific skill set that has to be explicitly taught and practiced like math or grammar. But the good news is that, in time, with explicit and effective intervention/instruction in social skills and pragmatic speech (e.g., how to initiate a conversation, how to make a friend, how to resolve conflict, etc.) the outlook is very good for Asperger's children.