I am married and for the most part it is a good marriage. We both care about each other, we do not fight or argue and take care of one another. Unfortunately I have chosen to share my life with someon I cannot share my life with. I have made it a goal to take interest in things that make him happy and have even gone with him to expose myself to these things. However, it is a one way street. He takes no active interest in things I enjoy and it is really starting to wear on me.
I love him, but cannot see this marriage lasting if I continue feeling this way.
Am I being selfish and overreacting? Anyone else in a similar situation?
The whole situation is really making me depressed.
2006-10-21 17:10:22 · 12 answers · asked by ~lonely 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have talked to him about my being upset about this and he is like well what am I supposed to do about it.
I know its not his scene, but his scene and mine are different and we both know this, but I think I am at least trying to appreciate every aspect of his life.
2006-10-21 17:17:26 · update #1
no u r not selfish. I'm in a similar thing with my present g/f. in the beginning she was all i could have wanted, sexually, emotionally and intellectually. then i said I LOVE U and we moved in together. then the change started. first the great sex went away and her excuse is that our relationship needs to be based on love not sex and i dont like this. then when im home (i drive a truck), i want to go out and take her to dinner, but all she wants to do is stay at home and watch movies. i like long slow kisses she does not. what im trying to say is u have to decide what u want. for me if this relationship does not change im outa here. i do love her but at 46 i want more out of a relationship that a quick f$#@ and no outside fun. i want all the romance stuff. so for u u must decide if u want a love u can live with or a love u can't live with out, GOOD LUCK
2006-10-21 17:17:56 · answer #1 · answered by keithy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not in a situation like this, however I am involved in an affair with a married man who happens to be in a similar situation. I met him professionally about 8 months ago and I had no idea that we would ever get together because I was starting a new job, was just ending another relationship and I wasn't looking to start another one right away. Anyway, about a two months ago we bumped into each other at work about 3 times in one day. He asked my secretary what my name was, even though we had been introduced when I started my new job. She told him. So after that I became interested in him. My secretary inquired as to whether or not he was married and someone told her no. They also told him that I was interested. He came to my office to see me later that day but I was in a meeting so he left his cell phone number and his office number. We talked briefly that day. The next day he invited me to lunch at which time he revelaed that he was married, but that he and his wife just saw each other in passing. He also revealed that they have not had sex in years and that although they have not he has never stepped outside of the marriage. He also stated that they have different interests just like you said. They don't do things together because their interests are so different. They have a child together and they attend things together where he is involved. There is no physical or verbal abuse and they too take care of each other.
Now to answer your question, no I don't think that you are overreacting. If you are not happy and you can't work things out then you both deserve to be with other people who you are more compatible with. Life is too short to be unhappy. Let me put it to you this way. Life is lkie a coin. You can spend it any way you want to, but you can only spend it once.
2006-10-21 19:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to expect him to at least try and take an interest in the things you like.Try to get him into some of your activities.But try to remember that marriage is not 50/50 and never will be...sometimes it is 20/80 and other times it is 70/30.If he is a great guy in every other way ,ask yourself is it that impotant that he plays tennis with me?He can go to a game or whatever and you can do the things you like while still; haveing a great home life and having a long happy marriage.
2006-10-21 17:17:58 · answer #3 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not selfish or overreacting. you shouldn't be with someone like that. you need to do stuff to make your life more happy. not to make him happy. marriage is not making someone happy because you want too. you get marry because you love that person and it's sound like he doesn't love you. it's like a 50 thing. it's has to be equal between you guys. so if you feel like you are not happy then leave him. maybe he not the one for you. so i hope this help you and good luck. also you need to be happy first. you come first then anyone else. so think about that.
2006-10-21 17:16:13 · answer #4 · answered by Melda R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you're asking the wrong people. The person you need to be talking to is him. Nowhere in your question do you mention you've done that. You say you've tried to share his interest but he doesn't do the same. Have you asked him to? If the answer is "yes," then marriage counseling might be the place to start. If the answer is "no," you're as much to blame for your problems as he is. Men are not mind readers. If you truly want something, you have to outright ask for it.
2006-10-21 17:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about this. Because if he does not change you will need to get out of the marriage before you loose YOU. Maybe get some counseling from a professional not a church dweeb. If he won't change.... time to move on.
2006-10-21 17:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work it out. You married him for a reason. Marriage is about comprimise. Addres the problem. Try this first before you even think of divorce
GOOD LUCK
2006-10-21 17:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by the one who knows 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a 2 way street for sure. Have you tried talking to him or tried counseling?
2006-10-21 17:13:47 · answer #8 · answered by juicyfruit_69_2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to sit down wth him and let him know how you are feeling and try to get him to tak epart in activites or things that intrest you as well dont give up let him know how you are being affected.
2006-10-21 17:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by ronald g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him how you feel. I feel that therapy would be a good idea for you too. remember a marraige should be for life!
2006-10-21 17:12:04 · answer #10 · answered by psyko 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋