Is monogamy legitimate and/or possible? If so, what are the secrets to lasting monogamy?

Question

How does a lasting marriage work? How do you stave off the temptation of or for other individuals? Is there something more exciting and meaningful than the first feelings of lust and attraction for another human being?

Answer 1

Base your relationship off of FRIENDSHIP and TRUST. Before you base your relationship off of intimacy.

Friendship and trust are the foundations to a good monogamous marriage.

Answer 2

Monogamy is certainly a legitimate and possible experience. Being in a married, faithful relationship for 30 years (so far) certainly has it's trials and errors. But it is worth the effort when you have someone in your life you can TRUST and care for and KNOW that they TRUST you and care for you. You watch out for each other, you put the other person before you and with each of you feeling this way helps the relationship to thrive and always be fresh and new, no matter how many years pass.

Lust and passion are certainly fun and exciting but they aren't substantial. And they come and go through the years. Don't think that 'old married couples' don't experience lust or attraction for their partner! They certainly do! :)

What is most exciting in a monogamous relationship is that you and your partner are exclusive to each other. Knowing that NOTHING and NO ONE can come between you because of the love and trust you have for each other.

I believe that when people marry or are totally committed to each other they become one. That 'oneness' is extremely deep and strong and profound and unless you invest time in a relationship with a partner you can never know it. Especially if one is jumping around from relationship to relationship. Or if one has a wandering eye or undisciplined mind.

Faithlessness presents opportunities all the time but one must be disciplined and make a decision that one will not pursue faithlessness.

Being in a healthy, long term relationship builds strong character. Unfortunately, many people that are "looked up to" today do not have much character at all.

Answer 3

A lasting marriage works because both people are sincerely committed and have realistic expectations. You stave off the temptation to cheat by realizing that no matter where you go, there you are, you cannot just escape your troubles that way, and to try is foolish. Personal integrity and family relationships are far, far more meaningful than lustful attraction.

Answer 4

Monogamy is difinitely possible. It is about commitment. It is hard work to make a marriage last; problems (opportunities to grow) are a given. The first excitement will fade, so is this person of the opposite sex someone that you really want to spend the rest of your life with? How well do you know each other? Have you known each other for at least 1 1/2 years? If you can't be with THE ONE, be sexless. Save sex for your spouse only.

Answer 5

A lasting marriage takes a true commitment form each person that the marriage is important, valued, and to be respected. You can resist temptations with the happiness of your marriage. Most times, other than plain physical attraction, if you are sincerely happy with your partner, you are not interested in other people. Therefore, you are not aware if people are necessarily flirting with you, you dont send off any signals that oyu are interested in others, and its obvious to others that you are happy in a committed relationship.

Whats more exiting then lust and initial attraction is the lasting love between two people that endures... it endures sickness, sadness, grief/loss, and binds the two closer. Literally, if you are indeed in love and together many years, you cannot imagine life without the other, because you are joined together as one.

There is nothing more valuable than knowing you have that one person to count on- the one person where you are always home with, the one who understands you and accepts you. No quick roll in the hay or short term lust romance can even compare to long lasting true love.

Answer 6

I have often wondered if maybe monogamy is un-natural for human beings. I think the institution of marriage was created by man in an effort to have power over women. Men all to often have affairs. Well, for that matter, women do too. It is deemed sinful by those who believe that God inspired the Bible.

I read The Kin of Ata Are Waiting For You by Dorothy Bryant some years ago. The concept she put forth in it was that people did not marry unless they had spent many years together. Teenagers had sex freely and the whole village raised/nurtured the children.

It's a very interesting read.

Answer 7

I've been married 27 years, and it has had its trials. However, one over-riding consideration is respect. I always thought if I were thinking of having an affair then my bags were packed "mentally" - so, I should then I should be gone physically as well. A mere temptation was never reason enough to visualize myself leaving my marriage - I guess my husband must feel the same because he's still here. Too many people give in to what they want at that moment not considering the long term consequences. I am imperfect in many ways, but I have never cheated. I am in charge of my brain and my libido - and if you're thinking someone else is responsible for your situation you need to take a long look in a mirror.

Answer 8

In short: Trust. You have to trust unconditionally and so does the other. To the point where both of you could talk about his raw human desire that causes temptation. It minimizes the temptation, and, as I see it, removes the forbidden fruit factor. Not that you can fulfill that desire, but that having those feelings are not wrong or bad necessarily as viewed in the eyes of your other half. In the end, we are all humans who will fall to some certain raw human emotions. In a relationship where trust is possible (rare as they might be) such uncontrollable faults are not important and will taper until there is little temptation(regardless of how much you lust) to act on such things.

Answer 9

Committment is the most important ingredient. It is human to be attracted to other people, but what you decide to do about it is your decision. There may be times in your marriage when you feel tempted, but remember why you got married in the first place. I believe monogamy is very possible and legitimate.

Answer 10

What our mind wants is structure and stability, what our body wants is sex, lots of sex. What really matters if you want to stay with someone for a long period of time is fidelity in action not in your mind. If you imagine you had sex with a stranger did you actually have sex with that stranger? No, you didn't. Another thing you can do is to find new things that turn you on about the person who you are in a relationship with, since over time we become less and less aroused by the same things that once aroused us. A final thought on this, in answer to your last question, to your mind there are lots of important things, very meaningful things that keep you with someone in a monogamous relationship, however what really actually matters when you come down to it is that there are lots of meaningful things that keep you around your friends too. Meaningful relationships are common, sex is not and sex is what is going to bind you with someone throughout your lifetime. It sucks but that's the way it works.

Answer 11

Yes its possible...

... and I just have to ask.... what temptation? Seriously... I have not yet seen one guy that would be worth losing my husband for. Sure, our relationship is not full of excitment 24/7... but, I never expected it to be. He is still the only man I want for the rest of my life. Other guys don't intrest me. I know they all just want to get into my pants and then leave the next day... but thats not what I want in life. I want something more meaningful than a good f&*%.