How do you deal with the hate?

Question

As a young gay man, I am really having trouble with the hate and ignorance out there. It makes me SO mad, but I don't want to be mad. I think we gays are a lot of fun. I just think we have a lot to give the world. If I wasn't gay, I would want to be gya, or at lest spend time with gays. I just wish we could be seen for the people we truly are. I am proud of all you that stand up for our rights! Glad to be a part of such a wonderful minority - rather be one of us than one of them anyday!

I don't think all straight people hate or dislike us. i am only refering to the people that do. And I know that not all gay people like each other - there are a lot of others dynamics that influence interpersonal relationships. sorry for any offense.

Alos, for anyone who is straight that might take offense. My whole family is straight and I love them dearly. They don't judge me. and I certainly don't think we gays have it as bad as groups in the past have. Thanks to all the straight people for your support.

And please. we don't need any more religious fanatics telling us that we are sinners or the parts don't fit. We also don't need your "forgiveness". BTW, my male dogs humps the other male dog all the time - so I guess in the animal kingdom, animals do sway the other way.

4263 - please don't compare me to a killer!!!

Answer 1

Gay or not gay, as I am, we all need to be tolerant of others and mostly, to walk in Love. I am a Christian and it's sad that among Christians, there is so much judgment and criticism, rather than love. God IS Love. Gay people are wonderful and so are straight. Matters not what the preference is. What matters is being a good person and helping others in life and making a difference in this world.

Answer 2

I'm a lesbian myself. Many people have grown up to respect all people no matter what, but also, unfortunately, many have grown up to believe that being gay is the most perverted, disgusting thing a human being can be (some act like it's even worse than being a murderer). How do you deal? Well, the main thing you can do is prove them wrong. Just live your life as a descent, respectable person who obeys the law, never harms anyone, and show them that gays are not monsters. We are not child molesters, we are not out to "corrupt" the world's young with our "perverted" ideas, we merely want what everyone else does - to find our soulmate, spend our life with them, and, for some people, raise children of our own who will also be respectable adults.

For the people who have reached adulthood believing that gay people should be hated, there's probably nothing that will change their minds. Once they've had that mindset throughout childhood, and into their adult lives, they, unfortunately, will likely always believe the same way. But with each generation, gay tolerance seems to be growing. Let's hope that the trend continues, and one day, all people will be treated as equal, despite who they happen to fall in love with.

In the meantime, you can't let the bashers get you down. It's tough hearing how much a complete stranger hates you, and some even want you dead for no logical reason, but you can't let that bring you down. Keep your head up, and, like I said, just live your life so that you prove them wrong, and trust that one day love WILL win out.

Answer 3

If you don't live in a big city, move to one. Save your money and retire early outside of the USA.
Work with a partner, make lots of money and lead a happy life. If you wish an accepting church, try the Episcopal Church, generally speaking the larger churches are more liberal; they attract a more educated group than the tiny little upstart churches.
If you can, be out of the closet as soon as your job will allow. Don't take bull from anyone, and sue the pants off discriminating employers or landlords. Demand equal rights. Make LEGAL partnerships; don't push for legal marriage, a partnership is better, and allows you tax benefits as well if you are self employed.
I find it also helpful to remind people of this poem on ocassion which hanged in my office for years:

"When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I did not speak out;
I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out."


Friedrich Gustav Emil Martin Niemöller (January 14, 1892 Lippstadt, Germany – March 6, 1984 Wiesbaden, Germany) was a prominent German anti-Nazi theologian[1] and Lutheran pastor. He is best known as the author of the poem First they came for the Communists. He was arrested in 1939 and released by the Allies in 1945

Answer 4

You need to build a network of friends who can talk with you about your feelings. That's your safety valve. Then you need to find positive ways to use your anger - have you been working with your local democratic party this election season to ensure you don't end up with hate-filled politicians? How about working as a field volunteer for the HRC? What about volunteering on a help line for questioning teens? There are many places you can turn your anger to good use by supporting your community.

If your area has one, one of the most effective ways to get the word out is through a speaker program at high schools. They have these in the California Bay Area. Two gay men or lesbians go to a high school and talk to the kids - showing a human face to being gay, and letting the kids ask questions (as long as they aren't directly personal). This really helps, because once people have talked with someone who is openly gay, they are less likely to hate.

Answer 5

There is hate and ignorance in this world of ours', I am in my 40's and lesbian, other peoples' hate and ignorance used to make me angry, now I just avoid the intolerance. I even get it at work, sometimes, from the people that think they are better than me just because I am gay. I guess you just have to find a way to make the negative into positive, otherwise it will eat you up alive, been there and done that. I always stand up for our rights, too, so I am right there with you Brother. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Do your best to stay away from hateful people. Make gay friends and hopefully a few that are really good buddies that you can confide things to. You can't change the world by yourself, and you can't change everyone..there will always be mean people. Things are changing, and I think a lot faster then the bigots think they are.
BTW..try not to let the bigots that get on here make you think all people are like that. These bullies say those nasty things because they are too scared to say them in person..on here, they can hide and be anonymous. They're not worth your time.

Answer 7

David, as the mom of a gay son, trust me, I am sick of the hate and the intolerance too! I’m sick of young gay men being brutalized by their families and the general level of intolerance by so many. If it were within my power to make it all go away right this second, I would. For all of you!

But like so many other forms of bigotry I fear this will be with us for a long time still.

All I can tell you is don’t judge yourself by the opinion of bigots. You seem like a really great guy from you question so just be true to yourself. Always be somebody who can hold your head up proudly knowing who you are inside. Don’t ever sink to their level by letting their hatred cause you to become bitter. You’re too good for that.

I think a lot of people will see you for who you are and the ones that don’t, they don’t matter because they can’t see past their own bigotry to notice anything worthwhile.

You can’t change hearts that don’t want to be changed. Just don’t let them control your life by letting their hate into your mind.

Hugs!

PS. As a Christian I must add that God loves you. He created you and he doesn’t make mistakes. We humans make mistakes, bad ones when we let hate consume our lives. But that is human failings, nothing to do with God.

Answer 8

Just try and remember that in being a good, honest and accepting person you are better than the ones who hate what they don't understand.

The world is full of good and bad, so all you can do is ignore what upsets you, and try to be happy about the rest (easier said than done, I know, but worth trying).

Answer 9

Dear David,
You have my sympathy. My partner was a living, breathing, loving woman.Despised by her family, she always had an appropriate answer, humorous if she could give one. I was away when she died; her family knew of her cancer, rapid as it was, and let her die alone. Hatred is where you least expect it, but so is love.
You are respected here.
Chin up, its a bright day and the would be destroyers will not win.
Love, Rose P.

Answer 10

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