Why do we love the one that hurt us... and hurt the one that loves us?

Answer 1

you dont hurt the one you love, and you dont love the ones you hurt

Answer 2

FIRST know that most if not all hurt feelings have little to do with the current circumstances. They just trigger a "re-run" of an old emotion that is still unhealed. SECONDLY the love, romantic, relationship is for the purpose of healing. It has been said that LOVE BRINGS UP EVERYTHING UNLIKE ITSELF. Imagine two glasses representing one boy and one girl, (typically), each is full of water, (the water is really love here). Now imagine that for many years old hurts went unattended like a bit of trash or a leaf that floated on top until it rotted and sank to the bottom. With no one to stir up that accumulated sludge we can go our merry way, sort of as it still affects how we relate to the world and other people. Now the new lovers pour the love, (water), back and forth and it feels good until the sludge gets stirred up too. Now we have old hurts being replayed and it hurts again. The love relationship is to allow this and to provide the salve to heal old hurts and to release them once and for all. Pampering one we love who is having bad feelings is to keep them unhealed. Instead allow them to feel these old pains and to finally be free of them. TT

Answer 3

When you are close to someone you have invested a lot in them emotionally so when they do something that hurts you it hurts much more than if a stranger did something to you. You feel betrayed and you may retaliate either with them or in a future relationship doing it to them before they have the chance to hurt you. It can be a vicious cycle but intentionally hurting someone is never love...its manipulation...

Answer 4

We take our loved ones for granted, thinking theyll always be there and never leave. The next time if you happen to be the one doing the hurting, ask yourself, " if we go to bed angry and tomorrow that person doesnt wake up, will i regret what i said to them? Will i wish i could go back and change it all? " Live Everyday Like It Was Your Last. Love Your Family Like It Was Your Last Day To See Them.

Answer 5

I believe that the vast majority of individuals end up constantly and consistently hurting the people that love them and loving the people that hurt us; is most likely a deep-rooted genetic trait in our dna that realizes, recognizes and makes into fruition the feeling that we are in need of a superior force, but, also unifying the need that we are here to better one another - thus most people have the savior complex.
We with paternal and maternal instincts feel that we can better a person who has more obvious negative character traits and thus we tend to feel drawn to them and think we can help them, when we should understand and fully execute the wisdom that no one can save anyone... we can only save ourselves, with the choices we make daily... even in religion and spirituality - in Christianity, if you choose to believe in Jesus as your savior, then you are saved, but in reality, you saved yourself by 'choosing' to believe in Jesus' soverignty.
Point being, that most people choose pain to a degree, such as being with an abusive partner because we think we can somehow mold them (we dont say it or articulate it in that way, but thats the truth) We think that if we "feed" the individual enough love; enough feelings of security and hope, then they will choose to be helped/saved... by you... thus comes to play, the savior complex.
Now, we end up hurting the ones that love us, because they are basically doing what you are doing... trying to think, act and make better choices, for you... because we all think we know a better way, path or perspective that one another..and feel it is our god given duty to share it by love or coercion with other people... and thats the cycle, of hurting those who love us, but loving the ones that hurt us... just my theory.. my 2 cents here.

Answer 6

We love the challenge to be able to change them and make them the way we want them to be. We get so focused on this challenge that we forget the other people around us and end up hurting them because of it.

Answer 7

Perhaps the hurt is felt by the logical mind, and love is a separate compartment with just emotion, and no logic !

Answer 8

we, as human beings, often want what we cannot have...and love the things that are hard to obtain, i.e. the love of those who hurt us. we also seem to take people for granted, and often seemed so wrapped up in our own lives and problems, that we don't realize that we are hurting others.

Answer 9

We love the one that hurts us because we feel we "deserve" to be punished because of our lack of self-esteem. We hurt the one that loves us because we become accustomed to having them in our lives, take them for granted, and forget how precious they were to us when we first met them!

Answer 10

It is very difficult, if not impossible, to cause emotional harm or experience emotional harm caused by someone that we do not care about and/or does not care about us. Thus, what you are asking about is simply a manifestation of selection bias. If someone really does hurt you more than they love you then you are simply allowing your emotional state to overcome your rational thought processes.