My parents??..?

Question

My parents have been married for 17 years. And i think they are unhappy because my dad treats my mom like crap. I mean when she makes money she gives it to him and all he does is take them and just put them in his wallet and that's it. He also works.I get pissed off when that happens. The fact that he doesn't say anything is making me ****** punch him. I ask my mom why doesn't she just keep the money and she says well he buys food and clothing with those money. But it's all bullshit because he goes out and buys things for his pleasure. My dad wants said that he will kick my mom out if he gets a warning and she had to pay if we haven't had got seatbelt on. But we ALWAYS have it on. He gets mad and is bossy,over protectieve. Like he stares at girls *** and boobs that are much younger then him lets say 20 years and older? Like when he is driving and he just checks out other girls EVEN though my mom is right beside him! I really think divorced they would do MUCH better. Any adivce?Thx.

I also notice he is extremely jealous1I mean my mom works with this 86 year old man and my dad thinks she is having an affair with him.WTH????He is 86 for god's sake.

I know it's a Muslim thing. But I wish my momw ould just leave him...Trust me I would be happy if I didn't have to visit my dad when she gets full custody.

Just to add on some more stuff here. My 17 year old brother protects my mom and he doesn't like my dad or his controling ways.

Answer 1

I am so sorry that your father does not treat your mother in a more respectful way, it must be hard for you and your brother to watch.

Some things you have described in your question seem to be cultural to me - like your mom giving the money she earned to your dad, and her putting up with the way he treats her and speaks to her.

You will not be able to make decisions for your mom, but one bright thing I see in the future is that neither your nor your brother think that your parent's relationship is good and healthy. This means that the behaviour will not continue in the next generation.

My advice? Be kind to your Mom, she does deserve better than she is getting, but she was raised in a culture that expects women to be docile and subservient, so it is what both your parents expect her to be.

Your parents may never divorce - in some cultures and religions divorce in frowned upon, but I sure hope things get better for your family.

May the God who watches over all of us, bless you and your family this day.

Answer 2

Your mom has had her self esteem beaten into the ground. She doesn't have enough self-confidence to get a divorce and probably really believes that it would be impossible to get by without your dad.
If she will listen to you then you need to start talking to her about how you feel concerning the way your dad is treating her. Build up her self confidence. Tell her she is prettier and smarter than he has led her to believe. Let her know that you think she could make it on her own and that you would help her.
This is going to be a tough sell because she probably believes that she is completely worthless without him. You may not be able to talk her out of her feelings of worthlessness. After all, he's been brainwashing her for 17 years!
If she won't listen then all I can tell you is to start preparing to be out on your own as soon as you turn 18 because if will be the only way you will be able to escape this awful relationship your parents have.

Answer 3

LOL at 86 he might have a heart attract!!!!!! Now,for something very serious. I agree with you. Your Mom should save some money and get out of the marriage. He is to controlling!!!! If he works she should match him dollar for dollar. and if there is anything left it's hers. If he's doing this your Mom should ask to see the bills and split them down the middle. Tell him that she will buy your clothes and her own. If he gets mad,he gets mad! If he hits or yells, call the cops.

Answer 4

Maybe this is a Muslim thing. I don't see why it bugs you when your dad is not dishing on you. Your mom obviously doesn't care (some women like being treated this way). Why don't you concentrate on school and get a hobby. You are not going to live with them forever. When you pick the man you will marry just make sure he doesn't act like your dad if you don't like it.

Answer 5

WOW. That seems to be a very hard situation. I'm not sure what to tell you about your parents, but I think you need to know that you seem to be VERY strong through all of this. You seem protective of your mom, and that's great. I think that no matter what happens you need to know that you seem to be not letting this behaviour seep into your brain; that a wife sould be walked on by a husband. Be strong in yourself and your relationships, don't let a man treat you unfairly. And be there for your mom. Talk to her and find out why she's letting this happen.

Answer 6

sounds terrible to have to be around all that. but your mom has dealt with it in her own way for 17 yrs. now. an no matter what you do or say is not going to change that now. just be thankful you are as old as you are an will be out soon and maybe this is what she is waiting for.

Answer 7

i can totally understantd. dont tell your parent staright forward but show u are in a unhappy and depressed state. when they ask waz up u tell them "I'm fed up with u, guys dont get along the way other peoples parent do. they like each other and they dont treat other like they dont exist. it just pains me" usually then they get it and act better around u. parents tend to do that so ur out of the dpression and all. it all else fails sorry cause this worked for me.

Answer 8

your dad is an as-hole... sorry. but its really up to your mom. talk to her. tell her what you think of the situation. and make her look at the bright side of things if they were to get a divorce

Answer 9

The longer she holds on. the more it will hurt. my mom and dad were married for 21 years and i do not like the way my father treated my mother. she moved on from my father and he was quicker at it.

Answer 10

yep, but u have to make ur mom see these points like u do to convince her