I found out a few years ago that my husband had been unfaithful on several occasions.He treats me terrific now and is very loving and says he will never cheat again.I know he is being faithful now,but I can't seem to get over the past.I don't bring it up to him,but it's on my mind a lot..What do I do?
2006-10-21 15:47:27 · 20 answers · asked by Janielynn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just admit to yourself that he isn't God. He isn't perfect. We as humans will slip, many multiple times before we learn how to avoid it. Just ( I know is may be hard), admit to yourself his flaws, and just work it out with yourself.... he isn't perfect... but he succeeds in a bunch of places...
2006-10-21 15:50:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will always be on your mind, it's something that you have to work on slowly, he has to gain your trust again. You need to sit down and explain things to him, tell him that you forgive him because you love him, but you just can't seem to forget. Tell him that has has to reassure you that he is being true to you. To be patient and understanding too. Just say that you have flashbacks sometimes and it hurts because you really do love him and just can't think about him being with someone else instead of you. That you are trying hard to get it out of your head, but every so often it creeps in there and gives you doubts and not only because it wa one time but because it was on several occasions and you are worried that he might get the urge to do it again and your really afraid. You can only forgive someone so many times no matter how much you love him. You want to make it work and he is going to have to meet you half-way there. Make you feel like you are the only one. Good Luck to you both..............
2006-10-21 16:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by lisa b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband should consider marriage counseling to get over this hurdle. He cheated and apologized. What he also did was that he broke your trust.
It might be hard to believe that he won't cheat again but talk to God and He'll figure it out. Go to a church counselor and have the two of you open up.
It's going to take a long time to get over that and remember, it is NOT your fault.
2006-10-21 15:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real problem is not what he did so long ago. It is that you didn't know about it and it is fresh to you. You still have to go through the stages of anger, shock, then sadness and grief, before you come to forgiveness. Just let this process happen naturally and then hold on tight to your marriage. Don't let anything get in the way of restoring trust. Let it build one day at a time and trust in G-d. He will give you the grace to survive one day at a time.
2006-10-21 15:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can "get over it". It is a violation that cuts to the core of your being - robs you of your sense of security, your trust, and makes you question your self worth. Speaking from experience, I wanted nothing more than to "get over it" to move on with our lives but I found it impossible. Every time we argued about anything there IT was. I've since found my true love and with hind sight can see it was all for the best. Not such an easy thing to see when your in the midst of personal hell,I know and I'm sorry but I think it's asking too much of oneself to simply move on like nothing ever happened! It's a cruel injustice! Be kind to yourself and treat yourself gently :) Best of luck to you
2006-10-21 18:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by IAMDQUEEN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get over it,as long as you are with him now you will think of it,the best thing to do is dump him,he can't be trusted,you didn't know then and you want know now if he cheats,cheaters are the lowest scum on earth,once a cheater always a cheater,and what gos around comes around,move on with your life and have the fun you deserve without the worries day to day.
2006-10-21 15:52:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally have a strong faith in God, without I don't think I could forgive alot of people. If you do have faith in God, then I would say to go to God in prayer and ask for the help to forgive and forget. We all mess up our lives in one way or another. My Mother knew my Father cheated on her for years, how she stayed with him is beyond me. I'm so happy she did for us children. My Dad finely grew up, and became a great Father to us all. I know the pain you are feeling, but time does heal wounds. I hope you the best.
2006-10-21 16:06:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very hard to forgive & trust him again.If you really care about him give him a chance & find out why he wanted to cheated on you!! Sometimes life gets boring so people wanted to try different thing to spice up their life.And guys like to have attantion all the time keep on your hands on his pants make him very tired.Try to do some hobies with him, be his very good friend, be his lower. (I am sure You are) But sometimes guys like flirting so flirt with him... When I was single I would say leave him but its not that easy to leave somebody you really love, So we have to except some stuff & work on it.Good luck
2006-10-21 16:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by ebuncan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy Tomb Raider, Elizabeth 1, Charlie's Angels, Kill Bill(anything that has to do with women killing/beating the life out of men) and watch it for the next few days and imagine those victim men as your husband you'll feel alot better!
Ok it helped me when I had to get over the hatred towards men. I was never married. Listen to others they may have better advice. Good luck and I'm sorry!
2006-10-21 15:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound like your husband if very sincere. Love him and embrace his honesty. He could of said he did not love you etc. He has made a big mistake, for which he knows. He loves you and always did.
love and enjoy each moment you share with him.
regards. You could benefit from counselling also.
Dezi
2006-10-21 15:50:43 · answer #10 · answered by myself 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
communication is very Important in this situations, if you have a religion believes, talk to a priest, they will listen to you for free, set in a appointment you and your husband. I'll guaranty you, you will see changes in your life. One another thing it is no "I" in this life is always a friend behind the curtain and always who can listen to you.
bless to the ones are in darkness and desperation, they will find the light and the right way for Peace.
2006-10-21 16:01:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋