How do you know if you're "in love" - especially if you're in the over 50 age group?

Question

I'm over 50 and have never been married. I'm in a relationship now with a man that's been married before and seems very sure of his feelings. I am not! Should I be looking for someone that makes my heart beat wildly? Or is the warm safe feelings I'm having now what it's all about?

Answer 1

I am not that old yet but pert near...LOL I have begun to reevaluate exactly what love is recently myself..sure the pretty guys are cool...I used to mostly go out with guys younger than me but they never left me with a sense of centeredness of balance...they seemed to only care for themselves and no matter how I tried it seemed like I was in the relationship by myself. I recently met a man who is not the best looking guy in the bunch and I did not have butterflies in my tummy when I thought of him but the more time I spend with him, the more I like him as a person. He does make me feel good and special. He makes me smile inside...and warm feelings grow...so hang in there darlin...I am learning that sometimes it's the things that take time that are the best in the long run...wishing us both luck!

Answer 2

I think there is a world of difference between being "in love" and being "loving". I think we, especially women, are raised with this idea of the white knight and headrush and butterlies, etc, and when something doesn't "feel" as we have been programmed it should, we doubt and question it.

Someone who makes your heart beat wildly is an infatuation, more often than not. Someone who gives you a warm glow, that is someone who is a possible keeper. The best way to know anyone (and yourself) is to be friends first, because if you don't have that communication and give an take before the sex get involved, it more often than not will blow up in your face.

Chronological age has nothing to do with it, for what its worth.

Answer 3

Good God, you're 50. If you haven't had that feeling yet, you're not going to. If you like him, make the relationship permanent. Are you waiting until you pickle?

I got married at probably 21. I've had that feeling about a few different women, but never about my wife. She's just the one that knew how to communicate with me and form and maintain a relationship. We get along great, don't argue, have 2 kids, and still (sometimes) have great sex - although it's tiring to try to do that with a full plate of teenagers, jobs, etc.
You DON'T have to be wildly in love to make a marriage work well. In fact, sometimes I think that gets in the way.

Answer 4

I hate when people always say, "oh, you'll know", because really I think most people don't. I don't think everyone's heart beats wildly. I think that most of the time it does, it is not even love. You should know that you're in love if you can see yourself happily with your partner for the rest of your life. Love is more of a gradual thing than an 'all of a sudden, hit you in the face' sort of thing. Know who you are and know what you want and need from a partner... but it sounds like you're already there. Security is a great thing in a relationship!

Answer 5

Ask yourself if your loves before with the heart beating wildy worked. Or did they end up in failure? The heart beating wildly is a response of our libido part of our brain, the instinctual part of the brain which all animals have. Where the adrenaline glands and the hormones and serotonin get sent to our brain. The cortex part of the brain is the part we have control of, which is not found in other animals. In all relationships the heart beating wildly can't continue as your body can't keep up the adrenaline for too much time. You warm feelings (safe might be a false security) will be with you forever. Ask yourself if he is your friend and if you respect him and if he respects you. Love comes when you get to know someone and they are good, compassionate, caring person. Give yourself time.
I believe you love a person not because you NEED to be with them but because you WANT to be with them.

Answer 6

If you have never married, then maybe your standards are to high for MOST men to reach. Therefore, you never "fall in love".
If your sweety has been married, then ask him why his first marriage failed.
If he answers that his wife was a "lazy good for nothing...." then you KNOW he is just looking for someone to do his housework and cooking.

If HE answers something positive about her then he is probably a sensitive human worth getting to know better.
Until YOU know which he is , it is OKAY to be cautious.
Oh, and HEART beating wildly seems important in the beginning of relationships. If you don't feel sad with out him near, then please wait awhile to decide.

Answer 7

The love over 50 isn't any different from that of 20. Love is something you not only know but feel. So how do you know, well remember the butterflys at 20, at 50 its ten fold.
the heart knows more this time around, beats are stronger.

Answer 8

Love is a choice not a feeling There are no feelings when making a choice. It is simply a decision.
Your feelings come from your emotion after you have made a choice. "E-motion" is energy in motion. Therefor when you make a choice to love you put your energy in motion to give to the person you have made a choice to love. If you give positive emotions then you feel good. If you give negative emotions then you feel bad. Be sure the person you choose to love has the ability to give their emotions to you. It they are not an emotionally giving person, run for your life. A taker will make you miserable.

The flutter you feel in your heart is not love. It is a flutter that comes from feeling something new and strange and even fearful. Because it happens when someone gives us attention and fills a need to feel wanted we think it is love and we want to pursue that fluttering feeling. The problem is that chasing that flutter will wear you out and you will end up feeling disappointed when it don't last. We get caught up trying to look for it all the time because we confuse ourselves into thinking its love. The flutter is not love. Good luck, I hope this helps.

Answer 9

Take away the distractions of the physical, the wild heart beating, the raging hormones , etc. and picture the endgame. Would you hold each others hand and laugh as time and gravity win? Can you commit to be there to hold the hand and comfort the first to pass from this earth in the time when all strength, beauty and wit leave? Would you be grateful to have had the chance just to have had the chance to be with each other?

Answer 10

Well, if you want companionship, go for it. In time you might run across someone that does get you all excited, but then again you might not. Its a world of free will, and you are free to be with him and to leave him whenever you will. That is the gamble of love. Enjoy what you have now, in the preent, and don't worry about the rest unless you have to. I wouldn't get married though, in this day and age, it is unnecessary and has just become another materialsitic drain on finances.