My boyfriend whom my son and I live with and I have been having really bad problems lately. I know alot of it is my fault and I have realized that I need to make changes. We have been having really nasty arguments and discusions about if our relationship can work. I know alot of it has to do with me and how I have treated him after some trust issuesAnyway, hs mom has always been supportive of us so I decided even though I knew he wouldnt lke it that i was going to email her telling her how i was sorry i had treated him so bad and about some of our serious problems that are making us almost break up. I did it only as a desperate attempt to save us. Anyway, he is completly furious at me saying I backstabed him. HIs mom was really nice to me about everything and said she was going to talk to him about it and that she tought it was good for me to talk about it. He is now saying he isnt coming home and I have only one more chance. Is what I did really wrong? I only did it to try and save
2006-10-21 14:42:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am just trying to push forward and start anew. He has really bad issues with my son's father and as much as i love him I dont think eithier one of us can live like this much longer if something doesnt change. Hes putting all the blame on me saying its up to me to fix everyhting. Hes locked me out of the door and when i try to talk through the door ina nice way tells me hes putting his fingers in his ears. ok, fine so if we work on it and i do my best to make right the things i have done wrong it just doesnt work out what do my son and i do...we have NO friends or family and i am a college student living on minimal loans in his house. i feel bad as my son is happy here too. How would i explain to my son we would hav eto move to a small apartment? i know he would adjust but what do you say?
2006-10-21 14:45:32 · update #1
also, we just werent getting anywere talking about the things just between us. I felt desperate for help from soemone who cares about us.
2006-10-21 14:47:01 · update #2
also, we are both 25 and he is very close to his mother and she is wonderful.
2006-10-21 14:48:48 · update #3
Yes and No, you brought someone else into your relationship problems and aired your dirty laundry. so YES it was wrong to him because he is a grown man and you went and told his mother of all people what was going on in your personal business. on the other NO it wasn't wrong because you did it in a effort you say to save what was left of the relationship. It is always a bad idea to involve others who aren't counselors in your business because A) you are putting them in the middle (forcing his mother to choose sides) and B) they now know your intimate business. I say give him time and hopefully he will get over things. It might take a while because I think he feels at this point you have betrayed him.
Best Wishes!!!
2006-10-21 14:44:05 · answer #1 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, there's something I'm not getting here. How does e-mailing his mom contribute to saving your relationship? This is an issue between you and him, isn't it? I do understand, at least partially, his reaction. I wouldn't like it either if my mother suddenly wanted to talk to me about issues that can be considered pretty private between two spouses - I'd be pretty mortified. "Back-stabbed" might be a bit over the top, but I would definitely feel hung out and very uncomfortable at the thought of having my mother butt into my relationship problems without my asking her myself, even though my mom and I are very close. Relationship issues are usually a very private matter, and that's very sensitive.
If you feel that the two of you need outside help, or you yourself need to talk to someone, which probably is a good idea, go to an objective and impartial professional instead.
2006-10-21 21:57:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anna S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I would normally say you should keep your problems local within a tight group. However parents are always there to help. They quite often have great advice. You did the right thing even if it is in the grey area. As for your b/f he sounds as if he's a bit confused. I guess what I am trying to say that knowing you need to make changes and actually changing are two completely different things. Maybe you need to put action behind those words?
2006-10-21 21:50:35 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you did was really thoughtful and not meaning to be threatening to him at all. I hope he can come to see this soon. It sounds like he is reacting automatically without thinking, unless he is feeling guilty about something. Odd thing is, some people can feel guilty without actually doing something wrong. I know this doesn't sound logical, but I know I can feel that way.
Anyway, if you can, I hope you can talk to him and let him know you were just wanting to make things better somehow. It sounds like your intentions were good, and despite what he may think, the damage is not that big of a deal. I mean, I don't see how it can hurt your relationship what you did. Only that he seems to be overreacting. Good luck.
2006-10-21 21:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he needs to grow up and quit being paranoid. Sounds like he is just making excuses.
2006-10-21 21:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you were very wrong. also you have opened Pandora's box...now his mother is involved in your problems, don't cry when she turns on you as every Mother picks their child over others . I hope you are prepared for all that lies ahead......
2006-10-21 21:47:13 · answer #6 · answered by seilygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he was never committed to you. that is why you are not married. let him leave. date him till you want to marry each other. he will feel more involved if he has to work for you. you made things to easy for him in the beginning
2006-10-21 21:50:20 · answer #7 · answered by blackrealty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was wrong. You need to work out your issues with your boyfriend, there was no need to bring his mother into it.
2006-10-21 21:45:34 · answer #8 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm... sounds deep... most people try a counseler....moms can be kinda bias...not sure that was a smoothe move... sounds wrong... but it really depends on his relationship with his mom for it to be ok or not...
2006-10-21 21:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by bluanjel1981 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should let his *** go.
2006-10-21 21:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by g_gurl161 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋