I'm married to a great guy, we have 1 child and another on the way. I would joke around about him being interested in guys, just like the way he jokes around with me being interested in ladies. I just found out today that he has been talking to guys on the internet asking if they would meet up, to... well you know. What did I do wrong? Is he not in love with me anymore? I know I've gained weight from being pregnant, and I'm only going to gain more now that I'm pregnant again. What is going on? Should I confront him about it? I'm afraid that if I do confront him about it that he is going to get mad. He always puts me down and he says it corrective critisium, and that it will make me learn to do things better. When I'm home after work and I'm watching my daughter and I don't get stuff done he gets mad and critisizes me. Is this his way of letting me go? Or making me want to leave so he can be with men?
2006-10-21 13:49:30 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like he is. He probably didn't want to face until now. But that doesn't give him any right for being a jerkface. You need to get rid of him, if at all possible.
2006-10-21 13:51:50 · answer #1 · answered by High On Life 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you are not married to a great guy!! A great guy would not always put you down or criticize you in an effort to help you learn. Instead he would be working with you as a team. I would set down and talk with him about all issues, after all, there now are 2 babies involved. Try explaining to him that you also work all day and you could use a little help once in a while. Maybe if he dosent like the way you do things then those are the thing he need to do. If things turn out that he is gay - leave him knowing it wasnt nothing you did or didnt do. Some relationships just dont work. But dont put up with being degraded and someone thinking they are better than you. After all new mothers have enough to worry about!
2006-10-21 16:22:56 · answer #2 · answered by missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG you sound just like me 15 years ago. With each year my now X got gayer and gayer looking. He always put me down and told me all sorts of things about me in such a critical way.. No one, could ever be good enough for him. It almost destroyed me and the kids. He has never admitted it but I am sure of it.
He does NOT do constructive critism. He is gradually taking your spirit and will from you. This is how some people control things.
It isn't YOU, the problem is him. Don't let him destroy your self esteem and spirit. And him looking at other men.
....oh my gosh...that is downright scary.
This guy will try to make you feel stupid and take your very soul from you. Eventually he will treat the children the same.
My son tried suiside so many times and all note were to his dad.
I did'nt leave him soon enough. I thought I would stay until the kids got out of high school. I didn't last that long.
Please get some help. You don't havea to be slowly degraded.
And if he is gay he might be using you and the kids as his "front" to the world to show he isn't. I feel my X used me and the family as his way to prove to people that he was n't gay because of his religious upbringing.
Take good care of you and the little ones
2006-10-21 14:04:07 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but he is not a keeper or a real man. You make too many excuses for him. You say he is a great guy, but he put you down and makes you feel bad about yourself, when he is not even honest with you or himself. You are scared to confront him, yet you made a life long committment to him. That don't make sense. Marriages go through changes and you have to make positive suggestions like if a person got to fat, you say let go for a walk or something nice and helpful and do something about it other than criticize. He is a selfish arrogant child who is a wreck in motion and don't know it because his nose is so far in the air he can't smell his own sh!t.
2006-10-21 14:00:37 · answer #4 · answered by barbie2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are many things to answer here...
1. For your kids, try to get stuff done... and for the sake of being an adult. But don't feel bad about it... just put it on your list to do.
2. I know that a guy will do whatever he can to be sexually satisfied but I would assume other women as apposed to guys. Most guys I know that are bi are that way because women aren't sexually agressive enough. Try being creative and attacking him sexually. If he's spent, he wont want anyone else.
3. It sounds like he isn't a very nice guy. There is the possibility that you are so passive that you don't take your responsibilities, sexuality and health/fitness seriously enough. With or without him, you need to be in charge of your life. You have to decisively get things done and be in control of things like your health and work.
4. The best way to keep someone attracted is to be attractive. Pregnant women can be very beautiful and seductive and having sex won't hurt the baby as long as the doc doesn't say so. At least thats what we were told on all three of our kids.
5. Take charge of your life... if he leaves or you leave him because he is gay, which is a VERY risky lifestyle for aids... then you will want to be prepared to live a happy healthy life alone or at least attract a good man.
6. You won't like you if you let your weight, work or attractiveness dwindle and thats the most important thing... do things you would be proud of... your self esteme has to come from within!
Oh, go do something fun and enjoy life... its to damn short to spend it unhappy!
2006-10-21 13:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
he's either gay or bisexual. Would you EVER entertain the thought of a threesome with two men? Does it turn you on to see two men together?
If the answer to these two questions is NO, then leave. He's curious and wanting something else if he's arranging and/or asking for it..
Take the kids and start a life without him. It's HARD at first and lonely, but eventually, you will feel amazing when you only rely on yourself.. and weight will always come off if you are running after two kids!
You deserve better. Go out and find it!
2006-10-21 14:53:42 · answer #6 · answered by senacia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Jen B.
Communication is always key.
Is he gay? Dont know. I'll say this much, based on what you said, he is at the very least gay or bi curious.
More importantly; what did you do?
Absolutely nothing! If it turns out he is gay, it's who he is. Unlike many christians, I do believe that Romans does allow for the possibility of the "born gay" theory. If this is indeed true, then there's nothing you did at all, for sure. If it isn't true, then it is a conscious decision on his part. Even if he was born gay, however, he is still making a conscious decision to act on his desires-- assuming there really is a desire.
A serious conversation with him will help. If it turns out he is gay or bi, he HAS to know you won't tolerate him being unfaithful to you or your children. He made the decision to marry you; not be gay. For your own health and safety, you cannot allow him to bring infidelity into your house. If he cannot live with that, then he needs to leave.
Btw, being judgemental wont help.
2006-10-21 14:01:16 · answer #7 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so the first thing that you should know, is that a person is not concidered homosexual because he is not attracted to his wife anymore, so your looks really don't have anything to do with the matter. The fact is that if your husband is gay, that he was gay when he married you, and because society today still feels that homosexuality is not okay, he decided to take the step of marriage to be "normal". Many people of the gay and lesbian community do this. Being gay is not a choice, but admitting to it, and engaging in it is one's choice. Maybe it's your husbands time to embrace who he really is, and by no means should you feel you are responsible. He knew his attraction to men was there before you ever came along. Hope this helps.
2006-10-21 14:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should confront him and ask him what is the deal with talking to men online and asking could they meet if he gets upset its his guilt and you have to know what he is doing to protect yourself from std's you do have the right to know as far as him putting you down and trying to make you feel unappreciated ignore him you know what your worth and what you are capable of doing if he isn't happy he should get off of his *** and do some of the work its a 50/50 thing not 60/40 I would confront him and get to the bottom of things before this baby gets here you don't need the stress good luck
2006-10-21 14:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this doesn't sound like a good and happy situation to be pregnant in with a baby already under foot. No man should be telling you all of the things you do "wrong". That is not criticism, that is verbal abuse. And if you are afraid of him, then it is not a loving relationship. Finally, if he is meeting strange men he could infect you with a deadly disease. Get some support. Get some family help. And get out.
2006-10-21 13:53:55 · answer #10 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck, hun. Men are so hard to understand. When I was pregnant, I thought my husband was cheating on me. Maybe your fears are just your hormones running amok. I would confront him about it. If he decides he is gay, though, remember that it isn't your fault and you did nothing wrong. You are supposed to gain weight when you are pregnant. It is a beautiful thing and if he is not attracted to you because of that then there is something wrong with him, anyway. Talk to him.
2006-10-21 14:13:36 · answer #11 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋