what is the correct way to confront a co-worker about their behavior?

Question

I want to let certain co-workers know they have treated me like ****. However I am new, both are my preceptors and one to become one of my supervisors after graduating. I just want to be clear and honest and get the respect I deserve. However, I don't want to cause "bad blood" or create hostility since I am the new employee.I know as an African -American female they being caucasin will automatically see my being so blunt as aggressiveness and I don't want to come off as such and lose my job as I have seen many black women on my job lose their jobs for this specific reason when standing their ground but I have had enough! I physically hate coming to work, clock watch, and conteplate quitting daily but I have to pay the bills.

Answer 1

This is a hard one. You're in a very touchy situation. I think you need to handle this as if you have a problem and want their help to solve it. You might start with something like: Sometimes I think you're annoyed with me (or whatever the issue is). I sincerely don't want to annoy or offend you. What can I do to make things better between us? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not? Is there something I'm doing that I should do or could do better?

I know it sounds like Steppin' Fetchit shuffling, but it's the sort of approach that works in the business world. Ask for *their* help. They'll be flattered that you asked and may even change their behavior.

Answer 2

wow. what a situation. it sounds like they have a problem with black people and like to see them lose their jobs, whether it's quitting or getting fired. you would think that the higher ups would begin to see a pattern of some kind with that. and they don't like to be confronted about it because they know that whoever confronts them has good reason to. depending on what type of job you have, i would say keep quiet and keep looking for something else. unless you really feel that you don't need it that bad to have to 'dummy down' to those idiots. then you should just let them have it and walk out. lol but i don't understand why anyone, no matter what ethnicity they are, should be made to feel uncomfortable at a work place. maybe you can file a harrassment suit against them. you might lose your job, but at least you'll give them something to think about. and maybe they will end up losing their jobs as well.

Answer 3

Greetings,

I'm so sorry you feel like that. Don't confront him at all, at least not at this time. Human relationships have the potential to be so rich. There is so many dynamics working in your environment. I see only one answer and that is a personal relationship with a your higher power. I have said the serenity prayer at one point in my life everyday for 2 or 3 years straight, just to deal with a person I worked with. Was he the problem or was I? Just the same, that was a temporary situation even though it lasted for years. I learned after 29 years in a factory production enviroment that everything is changing daily. With that there's hope. And if I have my higher power on my side, who can really be against me and win? Me struggles are with me and in my own head. In the end my God has all power. And he knows me and my advisary. I'm ok with life......you will be to. Have faith.

Answer 4

It really don't matter where you go to work, you will always have to sometimes take a little s*** and kiss a little a** so that your life can stay simple. Do yourself a favor and find yourself another job; putting up with other peoples' s*** if part of what comes with working for someone else. If you are anything like I am you will eventually quit anyway just so you don't have to go to jail for knocking a patch of hair out of somebody's head.

All jobs are not good jobs, and all good jobs are not ment for all people; your job should offer you some kind of self-satisfaction or it's like going out into deep waters without knowing how to swim.

You don't have to say anything to your coworkers, your interactions with them probably speak for themselves. Keep a zipper on it and find another place to work.

Answer 5

My boss used to say "IT IS, WHAT IT IS" He is not the brightest, which I have told him many times, in recent years, but he decided like some of the rest of us, to work for someone, rather than start his own business. He keeps his mouth shut
overlooks a lot of things, and does what his boss tells him to do,
although he is a lot smarter than the big boss is, in some respects. He has been in the same job for 16 years now, free car, free gas, and free house (nice house) and around $200,000 a year, insurance, etc. Anything goes wrong, he just hires a subcontractor to fix it, unlimited budget for that type thing. Avoids confrontations !

Answer 6

I'm very sorry to hear of your frustrating predicament. I too have been in this sort of situation. May I suggest that you talk to your present supervisor about what is happening. If you are of a mind to confront the person(s) in question, do it with the utmost respect and courtesy, and have witnesses around who can attest to how you handled yourself.
To paraphrase the 19th-century writer Josh Billings, "One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness."

Answer 7

Let me get this straight ...

You're "new", you hate going to work, you watch the clock, and you want to quit ... but you deserve "respect"?

Respect for what? Being a clock watcher who doesn't want to be there?

People who make demands when they are in no position to do so routinely lose their jobs. It has nothing to do with skin color.

Answer 8

if you want to confront people (coworkers, friends whoever) with their behavior that made you feel bad, just take the following steps:
1. state the facts. No judgement, no interpretations as to why they did what they did. like "last week I came in, I said Hello, and you answered "Hi Dummy" " Saying something like "you are a sexist/racist/stupid/social retard etc" will only put them in their battledress, which means their ears get plugged and they won't listen to one more word you say.
2. Pause for a second, to give them a chance to correct you, just in case you misheard what they said or something. (they will feel taken seriously. And you don't want to be blamed for being blunt/ agressive)
3. If there is a silence, a nod or a "yes, so?" just tell them how that made you feel. Don't judge them, just stay with what their behavior did to YOU. Keep in mind that you are talking about how YOU felt, not about how awful THEY were. Say something like "that made me feel like you made fun of me / like I am not wanted here / like I was belittled etc".
Another sec to give them a chance to apologize (as you just MIGHT have misinterpreted them.
4 If they don't apologize or explain what they meant by whatever they did, just say you would rather be greeted back, not be called by your name or whatever behavior you would like them to show. If they do apologize: accept their apologies gracefully and say you hope you will be greeted back (see above).

This way they can't blame you for any agressiveness or bluntness. If they put some salt in your wounds by saying something like "geeeez.. you are overreacting / sissy / Ok, i will take care not to hurt your oversensitive feelings again" (or some similar sarcastic remark) just stay calm, and state the fact they are making a joke of it and that you don't feel taken seriously now.
That should make then understand how you feel. If they flock together to make fun of you: get another job: you don't want to be around people who treat others badly and are not willing to listen to the effect of their behavior on others.

Good luck!!

Answer 9

If your going to talk to them I suggest you do it in an unaggressive manner. Be assertive NOT aggressive. Do it in a respectful manner so your job isnt jeapordized. You might do a little research into how to approach people assertively so you dont come across as a b*tch. good luck

Answer 10

You don't. Any problems you have should be directed to your immediate supervisor... then let that person resolve it or deal with it. Too many employees take matters like this into their own hands and that decreases their productivity.