My husbands job is for a sport club for men and women. I'm not bothered by the womens dept. Its the men that I'm worried about, these are the group of men who goes to strip bars and expats who have nothing else in mind but go out on weekends and drink and hook up with cheap women (im stating the obvious). He keeps on telling me its part of his job, but I don't see the point in him keeping the job when in fact he can get a better one( his IQ as what he claims is 164), but I dont see where he uses it. He wants me to join the sport, but how can I when I barely have time for myself because I have my kids. I cant even afford a schedule just for a pedicure. He is barely home and when you try to talk to him about staying for awhile just for family time he says he cant. Then he expects me to give in everytime he wants sex? I don't know for other women, but it just doesnt work that way. I dont even know how much he gets during payday. He doesnt even tell me, What should i do?should i move out?
2006-10-21 12:38:11 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should speak to your husband about your feelings. If he wants you to join the club, it means that he is not trying to hide anything from you. Let him know that you need assistance with your domestic tasks to join the club.
Discuss that you don't feel comfortable with him going to strip bars. If he questions your trust, tell him honestly that you don't trust him. Don't let him make you feel guilty for your feelings or common sense.
Also discuss your finances and that you would like for him to contribute more.
You will be able to find out his pay in a couple of months when tax season comes around, so play cool in the meantime.
My suggestion is counseling if you have trouble communicating with him.
Utahguy is correct, I know men who go to strip clubs who don't pick up women. However, I wouldn't want my husband frequenting them.
2006-10-21 12:44:05 · answer #1 · answered by Laughing Libra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have put up with his behaviour for five years so no doubt he assumes even though you complain that you will continue to do so. When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse. He is treating you more like a child than a partner and you have to take the initiative if you want to change things. If you think your marriage is worth saving then you could try to get him to marriage counseling or try something more drastic, such as going on strike, refusing to do his cooking and cleaning up after him until he takes your needs into account or even going to stay with family or friends to give him a wake up call and you time to consider your options. Alternatively you can admit defeat and accept that he will not change and that you deserve the chance of finding someone who will give as well as take from a relationship and leave. Only you can decide what is the best thing for you to do although it might help to talk through your problems with someone, either a friend or a support group, a link below.
2016-05-22 08:30:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where does the abuse come in. It is not mental abuse. It's sounds more like immaturity and wanting out of responsibility. But if there is no trust then the relationship is going to turn sour. Serfishness is what it is as well. It can be good to get away once in awhile. If he wants you to join in he wants you involved. Hire a babysitter once in awhile. Go to counseling. He may or may not realize that he is being selfish. It can go both ways. Sometimes men don't realize woman can be burnt out. Though they love their children by all means. Don't just move out. Make that your last resort. You have to really understand the meaning of mental and psychological abuse. It is partly selfishness on his part yes but abuse no. If there is no trust between you the marriage cannot work. The only thing he is doing is not being honest and that becomes the worst thing in a relationship.
2006-10-21 15:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy! Well the first thing I will tell you is, you better continue to satisfy his sexual need if you want to keep him and keep him faithful to you. If he cant get it from you, he WILL get it elsewhere guaranteed!!
Why are you refusing to be a part of it again? Cause you cant find the time...you have kids??? Thats a big bunch of crock if I ever heard any...honey, get a babysitter, put on your sexiest dress and go with him!!! You will have fun and he will enjoy sharing his time with his wife...you remember, the woman he loved enough to marry!!!! Stop trying to run him and start being more supportive of your husband or you will make things much much worse....so what his IQ is high, maybe he has his dream job right now!...you wouldnt know that though because you are so busy trying to impose YOUR will on him instead. Talk to your husband more and get involved!!!! You wouldnt question what he is doing while he is away if you knew for yourself what he does....he has invited you, which means he still cares enough about you to not jsut dump you out of his life for being a nag about his job and his time!! Take him up on his invite and stop using excuses before you lose him. and stop caring about what other men are doing...why should you care!?...you should have more faith in your husband tha to lump him in with others like that!
2006-10-21 12:51:12 · answer #4 · answered by tpoke24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, when he married you it was because he was going to spend time with you, but he has abandoned you and seems oblivious to your needs. I suggest that you talk to a few friends and get a support group going. Look at your options carefully. It may be that simply does not realize what he is doing even though you have already said something or it may be that he simply doesn't care. I am not an advocate for divorce, but something here definitely stinks. I would also spy on him a bit since people who are always out at clubs also have lovers there awaiting them. You are the wife and his partner in this life. If he doesn't shape up it is time to go.
Mr. M on "help."
2006-10-21 12:49:29 · answer #5 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask my self whats he getting out of the job that it seems to be more important than his family?
What he expects and what he gets is 2 completely different things. Only you can change that.
You could quit your job and join him, I bet it wouldn't take long for him to quit.
As far as moving out, don't know what to tell you, only you can decide that. I mean is that all he wants from you is sex cause i am sure he could find a replacement if he wants.
Sometimes men don't make changes until you show them that you mean it. For some reason telling them what you feel don't work.
2006-10-21 12:48:06 · answer #6 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is MORE than just what you say -- he is most likely cheating, and the way that you described his activities and what he wants -- and the fact that he is HIDING his income -- this is DEFINITELY Abuse -- Financial Abuse.
What have you done to protect yourself in this relationship? Are the children his out of this relationship? How prepared are you to make it in life on your own if you need to? Can you pay the bills that you and the children generate?
Work on the answers to these questions -- and figure out whether you want to be in a relationship with a male that is always going out on the town with the 'boys' and it is NOT on business trips -- it is so that they can have 'fun' on the side.
YOU do NOT have to submit or give in to sex when you do NOT want to -- that is called RAPE -- and if you CLEARLY do not want to be touched -- even in a marriage -- RAPE can and does occur.
2006-10-21 13:39:42 · answer #7 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys have kids, it's not as simple as to move out, you guys need to talk and if he says he doesn't have time you have to make him understand how serious it is to you, tell him how you feel, even if it's 3 in the morning or before he leaves for work, get your point across, if there is no communication in the relationship then there is a problem, SERIOUSLY, maybe even try even counseling.
2006-10-21 12:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ Brat ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you have quite the problem, why is it you did not know what kind of person he was before you married him. He sounds like he is not the father of your children and you have exposed them to all this mess.
Now, you want to cut out again and drag your kids along with you. Is there going to a third guy in the future?
I would not live in your situation, but I do not know his side of the story and there are always two sides.
I would seek the help of a certified family counselor before you disrupt the lives of your children again.
2006-10-21 12:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by Just ME 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hummm, I know a lot of guys that hang out and occassionally go to strip clubs. I have yet to see any that are married/involved trying to hook up with any women. Guys like to hang out, away from women, and enjoy bsing with each other.
2006-10-21 12:40:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋