I live with my sister and her husband who have three child.I am subjected by arguments almost every day and I have the impression to be to treat as a housekeeper whereas I am here in the USA for studies.
2006-10-21 11:42:53 · 11 answers · asked by amalia8944 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know that it is important to help out family....but if your sister and her husband are having serious marital problems, you cannot solve them...ultimately only they can create their own happiness.
It is okay to offer them an option of helping you, and you in return help them. You can let them know exactly what you need in return: ex: to be relieved of duty 30 minutes after they get home, quite time needed to study, to be dropped off at the library on certain days...in exchange, you can help with the children. Set your limits...
When both parents work, it is common to have to pay for day care, baby sitters, housekeepers in the states...by having you they are saving money. If they don't see it that way, and If you are not able to study, you need to find another situation or you may fail your classes. If you can afford to move out, be prepared to move out. But I would try asking your sister for exactly what you need, or simply let her know that you really want to make a better living, and in order to do that, you need to be able to study...and that you may not be able to help as much as you thought you could...she will probably be offended, and may even give you a guilt tripo (because she really needs the help, but that is not your fault, you can help, but you can't SOLVE her situation) and she will try to defend herself...whatever her reaction, try to remain calm, acknowledge her needs (sounds like she needs to vent, alot of married women feel like single mothers if they have lazy husbands), When she is able to listen, try to kindly and quitely express that you have needs, and that you would like to be able to pay for daycare when you have children of your own, but that means getting an education first...She may shout at you out of frustration, and may feel life is unfair, but a couple of days later, she may turn around, and see things from your point of view and will want to help you as much as you help them...
When you ask for her help, be specific about what you need...do you need Saturdays to yourself, Tuesday? Also, consider taking the bus to the public city library...its a great place to find quiet place to study. The modern library even has internet access. Good luck, and hang in there.
2006-10-21 12:19:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you living there free? Do they help you with finances? Do they feed you or clothe you? Do they take care of you when you are sick and buy you medicine? If all that is true, and then some, I say---try talking to them. Let them know that you are having a hard time studying. Let them know that you appreciate everything that they do for you....and you are willing to help out as much as you can, but you need quiet time too. You could go to the library to study....I got my Masters while working full time and I had a 2 yr. old and a newborn....it was very hard...and my husband worked long hours and my parents lived five hundred miles away....no in-laws to help out....it was just me. SO I know it can be done. I studied with other people and I got little notebooks and pencils for my 2 yr. old....she pretended to study and be quiet too...and write in her notebook....I locked myself in my room and tried to tune the kids out when my husband could watch them in the living room. If the adults are fighting loudly,
leave and go to the library or to a friend's house. Worst scenario, move in with someone else. Get a job....help yourself.
Get counseling for your sister if she needs it...or her husband too. Give them a night out...babysit for them to go out and have fun...... and maybe they won't fight as much.....have dinner for them ready when they get home from work....candles and all.
2006-10-21 18:52:40 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down with your sister and explain to her that your studies are whats important and that you have chores to do but you are not a personal housekeeper for them.....
2006-10-21 18:46:44 · answer #3 · answered by westvirginiastar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
although it is nice if you help out around the house, your sister can't expect you to take care of her kids and her house. im not saying you should be lazy, but you shouldnt be stuck with all the work when you have things of your own to do
2006-10-21 18:46:48 · answer #4 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out.
2006-10-21 18:48:46 · answer #5 · answered by bigguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job and get your own place. If you can support yourself, you won't have to deal with other peoples problem.
2006-10-21 18:47:49 · answer #6 · answered by Jack S. Buy more ammo! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move?
Get a very nice job and move.
2006-10-21 18:45:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure…
Good luck
2006-10-21 18:45:00 · answer #8 · answered by Juleette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
and what do you want us to do?...you can come live with me and watch me fight with my soon to be ex every day?
2006-10-21 18:44:45 · answer #9 · answered by texascomet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you?
If the abuse continues call DCF.
2006-10-21 18:44:40 · answer #10 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋