..but how should I handle this...A girl that I met two months ago recently had her father pass away unexpectedly due to a heart condition. We have talked a ton online and on the phone, but it's been about two weeks since this happened and our plans to get together(because she lives about 60 miles away) keep falling through due to this....I spoke to her last night and everything was great....we talked till two in the morning and made plans for today and I even layed off work for the weekend....she sent an email today saying she couldn't sleep and thought about things and couldn't make it...her mother was not over what happened and she just couldn't go have a good time while her mother was going through this alone....I have been VERY understanding of this and have been there for her more than most of her friends, but I'm wondering when this will end so she can move on and we can see whether we have something between us. Is this normal and how long does it take? What is the process here?
2006-10-21 11:39:31 · 12 answers · asked by raildog 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I like that fact that you can get great answers on this site, BUT......I HATE the fact that noone reads the details and therefore the answers are skewed.....I have been there for her, we haven't been able to get together because of this and it has been two weeks, I'm not asking to marry her, just get together and meet.......she has been wanting to, and now all of a sudden a swift change at the last minute after plans were made......I have been very considerate, much more than most would be.....I'm not trying to just screw her and I'm not trying to rush this, I can't be all that comforting if I can't be around her...? SO, again, my question IS........what is it going to take for her to quit the mood swings and thinking that she should be closed off to the world.......mostly because her mother is very beat up about it and she feels terrible about moving on before her mother.....
2006-10-21 11:57:27 · update #1
well tell her this, from me. l wrote this when my dad passed.
My Dad
My dearest dad 'I love you',
I think of you each day.
I feel your arms around me,
that's how I get through my days.
Your looking down upon me,
to guide me on my way,
but its very hard without you,
each and every single day.
People always tell me,
the grieving will subside.
But how can I feel better,
without you by my side.
No matter how hard they try,
there is always so much pain,
I am all consumed by thinking,
It will never, be the same.
I know one day we'll meet,
in the Heavens up above.
It's the only thing that helps me,
to never forget, your love.
My dearest Dad, I love you,
Your with me every day.
I will keep this love within me,
forever, until that beautiful day.
By: Kenny P. aka- Cobra
2006-10-21 11:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by Cobra 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We all grieve in our own ways. I lost both my father and my mother within less than 3 years of each other, both unexpectedly. I'm still getting over it and it's been 6 years since my dad passed and 3 years since my mom. It's a lot easier to talk about mundane things about them, but still hard to go into details about what how they died. I found in the beginning of their deaths it was easier not to talk much about them because I would fall apart. I also kept busy either with work or family. It was the alone times that things were difficult.
Time is the only thing that helps. Sometimes counseling helps. It might help to go to sole and group counseling for support.
2006-10-21 11:56:01 · answer #2 · answered by lady01love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It take some people longer than others to heal. Even after 6 months she could suddenly have a memory flash into her head and trigger the emotions again. It is very difficult to get over the sudden death of a parent.
Please be there to support her. I understand that you are having a rough time, but until you lose a parent suddenly you have no idea the pain it brings.
2006-10-21 11:46:04 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, there is nothing we really can do to "totally" make sadness, such as this, go away, because no matter what happends, she'll never see her father again.
Only with the passing of time will it fade away. And also, for yourself, during this time, don't worry so much about "having a good time", because such activities will only remind her of her father, and what her father would be missing, so for now.... just be a comforter. Give her a hug, thats what she needs at the moment.
2006-10-21 11:47:42 · answer #4 · answered by toko 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my dear,This is a very sentive issue,I too lost my mom and then 8 yrs.letter my dad dyed of broken heart,because him and my mom were so much in love,6 yrs.before he died,I had to give up my apartment because all my older sisters and brothers went their own way and I could not just leave my Daddy Alone!what I,m trying to tell you is losing somebody you love is a long greeving period,It took me a year before I went out sociallizing!But its harder on your other parents thats left to live with out their soulmate!She sounds Like a wonderful woman to be their for her Mom,Your a lucky man to have meet her,she,s a keeper!But if you really care about her,bepacient,be their for her,apparently she,s dieing to meet you!And it sounds like she,s really interested in you!Nice,sincere woman are hard to come by now a days,If i was you,I would be comfert her as much as you can,in end your gona be glad you waited,Trust me!{and your a AWESOME person for being there for her!}Good luck,and God bless,Hollywood
2006-10-21 11:55:31 · answer #5 · answered by hollywood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I lost my Mom, it took me over 6 months to even be normal. I still have NOT sent out the Thank you cards to people. Seems so final. She has been gone for 17 months now. Takes a very long, long time.
2006-10-21 11:42:41 · answer #6 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i know when i lost my dad to cancer i was just pissed off all the time and pushed people away for about a year but i found a great girl (that didnt work out tho) but she helped me thru it some by just keeping my mind off that i lost him and remembering that he woulndt want me to be an asshole because he is gone. so just be a good friend to her and keep her from being sad. she will cope and move on even tho she may just miss him and break down every now and then.
2006-10-21 11:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is happening here is a clash of agendas. I think you want to have sex and she is still emotional frai and not there yet. If you are a true friend, still give more time and stop being selfish. The only time that you will ever empathise with her is when you are where she is now.
2006-10-21 11:45:54 · answer #8 · answered by nothing 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
losing someone that close to you will hurt a lifetime,,,and will be mentioned for a few months after death but you as her friend have to keep telling her,,her life didn't end and that eventally the pain will ease in her heart,,,be a friend and help her cope for at least a few more months,,after that just tell her that is saddens you to hear about her fathers death but life must go on.
2006-10-21 11:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by westvirginiastar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no process as far as time goes. This girl and her mom are still grieving and need time to do this. If she means a lot to you then be patient and be there for her. Eventually they will get through this.
2006-10-21 11:45:43 · answer #10 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋