Should we really get married, or do we need to split?

Question

I met my bf when I was 17. I'm now 23. We had lots of problems when he became a cop. We broke up back in June because he was cheating on me. Now, however, we have decided to work things out. I don't mean to make him look like a bad person, because he really isn't. I think he is an incredible man and I love him more than anything in the world. The big problem I think is that I have become the most jealous person ever. He can't so much as look at a girl and I think he is cheating. It is consuming my life! I have decided numberous times to try to forgive and forget but I'm not sure how. Anyway, we got back together a month ago and thought we could get married and just move one with a clean slate. Well, while we were split I decided that I need to put God first in my life, and he isn't even close to going to church. We have been together for almost 5 years. I guess I really need to know how do you really move on? Or is all of this just too complicated and need to end?

Answer 1

If you have to ask if you should get married the answer is no. You already know what you need to do. You are just afraid of letting go because the two of you have grown up together. If he cheated once he'll cheat again.

Answer 2

I think you already know the answer to this question. However, since you are the only one who can make the final decision, look back at your relationship and look at your relationship now. First, you have been with him for a long time, which is good, but he cheated, which is bad. Strike 1. Second, you broke up and got back together, that is good, but now you are extremely jeleous and don't think you can forgive him, ever. Strike 2. Third, you are deeply involved in your church and he isn't even a tad bit interested. The bible says don't be unevenly yolked, that means a believer should not be with an unbeliever. Strike 3.

Three strikes and your out. If you get married, are you suddenly going to forget the fact that he cheated on you? Is he suddenly going to become your standing escort to church every week? Being married is hard, I would say much harder than when you are dating or even living together. There is something in human nature about the piece of paper and feeling like you own eachother. If you are not 100% happy and 100% sure that you are going to be together forever, don't even think about getting married. Getting married is not the way to solve your relationship problems, it is the worst thing you could do right now. Like I said, you are the only one who can make the decision, but think of it this way, if you have been dating 5 years and are still together, what is one more year of dating going to hurt, especially while you work out your problems and make sure this is the best thing for both of you. And the fact that you can't forgive and forget, tells me you might have reason to doubt his loyalty to you, women's intutition and all....

Answer 3

Well from my point of view I think you should let him go. It seems to me that you probably forgiven him because you love him, but you never forgot the cheating which trust also went out the door. Look your not 17 anymore your 23 and growing, maturing as an adult. They are so many reasons why you don't feel the same way anymore. Things might be difficult for you right now, but trust me later on you will understand why things were better of that way. On him being a "Cop" that doesn't help the situation, I'm telling you this from experience my friend helped her husband while he was going to cop school. Her husband met another girl at the school and as soon as school was over he left her, and that's because they have a child. That didn't stop him, now they are getting a divorce and threw 3 years of marriage out the window. What I've learned is that cops tend to cheat since they work for the public. In the end, Its your life and I hope you make the best choice.

Answer 4

If you ask "should we split?" that pretty much answers your question about getting married. If there is distrust in a relationship, it will not disappear with a pretty ring and white dress.

You need to take a step back and figure out what you want in YOUR life. If God is important to you, and you want that in a partner, do not sacrifice that. Being together for so long makes it hard to let go because you feel invested in the relationship (been there!), but it doesn't mean he's "the one". Take some time for yourself and figure out what's going on. If you aren't truly happy, do not marry this man, whether it's been 5 years or not.

I dated a guy for 4 years (started when I was 15) and thought it'd be forever. Thank goodness it wasn't. I wised up and moved on. My SIL..same thing. Got engaged to a boy in HS, skipped out on college to be with him, and at 21 realized, NO WAY. She's way happier now, and has no regrets about her time with this boy. She understands that it wasn't what would make her happy and she had to take the plunge and move on.

Just be honest with yourself. It will help a lot.

Answer 5

I would say that since you have began to go to church, you should put more trust in God. He will give you the answers you are seeking. And if you forgive then you must let it go. this is very difficult to do and i think the jealousy that you are feeling is very normal not healthy however, normal. Have you considered speaking with a counselor. this would be a very good way to deal with the frustration and anger, by talking it out with some one who is a trained professional non bias, non judgmental. It sounds as though he really loves you and realizes the mistake he has made, he wants to marry you and begin a life. I suggest that you speak with someone even your pastor would be a good place to begin. Good luck to you, I wish you the best. God bless

Answer 6

I would say you need to do a lot of thinking because if you can't ever trust him again then what is the point of getting married because you'll only end up in divorce court. I would probably seek counseling together because you need to work through the trust issues before you try to get married.

Answer 7

I would definatety just try to continue dating, you only got back together a month, jumping into marriage probably wont fix anything, but can make it even messier to end. Do you live together? Maybe you can try that first and see where it goes. If you cant totally trust him, marriage probably isnt the best route.

Answer 8

Do what u feel because noone can make a choice wether u should stay with him or the oppsite. But if yall do get back together make sure you guys work things out. I hope you make the right decision and pick me as your best answer and if you dont i still hope you make the right thing for what is best for you.

Answer 9

the reason your jelous is that he cheated on you, cheating is not something one gets over easily, if at all, because of the trust issue. it is quite complicated,and sometimes it is easier to move on because you don't know if they will cheat again. depends if he is remorseful and willing to go to counciling, depends if he will take responsibility for his actions, and admit it. only you can decide this, no one can tell you what to do. if it were me i would not listen to words as much as actions. don't defend him when he has done wrong, set boundaries with the relationship, don't allow anyone to disrespect you like this. if he is sincere than his actions will proove it.

Answer 10

Cops have the highest divorce rate of anyone. The job creates undo stress and hardens them. I have yet to know one in a good relationship.