my wife died 3 yrs ago and left me childless i am now with a new partner who was sterilized 7 yrs ago while she had post natal depression and wasnt councilled or told that at the time it wasnt reversable before they made women sign that agreement to say they wouldnt change their minds p.s warning to all males if you want kidz ask the woman if she`s been sterilized before fallin in luv with her
2006-10-21 11:01:30 · 26 answers · asked by jenni n paul c 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
I can't believe that any surgeon would sterilise a woman who was suffering from post-natal depression OR not warn her about reversibility. Sterilisation IS reversible, but the sooner after the original op it's done, the higher the success rate. You could both go to your partner's GP and ask for a referral to have the sterilisation reversed - this is done on the NHS. Just be aware that the chances of success are quite low after all this time. Does your partner want children anyway?
2006-10-21 11:09:45 · answer #1 · answered by Nurse Soozy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i am the partner of this man here to give my side it`s both of us that want the reversal procedeure done so please everyone ignore what that fool kerseyflop or what ever her name is she dont have a flameing clue what she`s on about we have tried to have the procedure done on the nhs but they say they wont pay for it unless one of my other children dies and that i should have been a mind reader 8 yrs ago when i had the initial op done because i should have known then (according to the nhs) what would happen to my life in the yrs that have passed, and yes the person who said that the docs shouldnt have done the op in the first place because i had post natal depression was correct, so i hope i have now put the record straight that its not just my partner bein selfish its also what i would luv to do give him a child of his own. seein that he has spent the last 3 yrs bringing up two step daughters from his first marriage after his wife died.
2006-10-23 14:49:57 · answer #2 · answered by jenuine_bad_babe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know she couldnt have children when you met her? If having children was such a big issue then maybe it would have been sensible to make the choice of being with this woman before you got to know and fall in love with her.
Its not so easy to just say 'leave her and find someone who can have children' if you love her. There are other options available to such as adoption and this can be just as rewarding as having your own child. My friends adopted not long ago and are so happy now, they have a gorgeous little boy.
The best thing for you to do is to speak to your girlfriend and let her know how you feel. It may be the case that she also wants more children and it may be something that you can both get through together
Good luck
2006-10-23 08:19:22 · answer #3 · answered by Lottie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fair? hmmm... you made the decision to be with her knowing that she couldn't have children, right?
I dont think it is "unfair" to you because it seems you made the choice to continue being with her and then eventually fell in love with her... I'm sorry if this sounds mean but I think its a little selfish of you to even ask that. How does your current gf/wife feel about not being able to have children? Coming from a woman that cant have children of her own either I am not thinking about "fairness" here, and maybe my opinion is a little jaded but you are only going to end up stressing your current partner out and causing her undo heartache if you keep worrying with this. I understand that you would want to father a child of your own but think about it this way... AT LEAST its an option for you, its not an option for her. Men can father children much later in life... if you are a young man then stop worrying about it for now, you have plenty of time. Check into fostering.
2006-10-21 20:02:55 · answer #4 · answered by Christie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss., but surely if your new woman is that important to you it would not matter if she could give you children or not. In this day and age there are plenty of other options and speaking as a single mother of two, I think you are very lucky to have found another person to make you feel good again and having kids is nice but only if you're sure that its definitely what you want from life, otherwise I would say count your blessings and make the most of your new life and dont dwell on the things that might have been.
If this woman is right for you then it shouldn't matter if she can give you children or not.
Why do we always insist on wanting more than we get instead of cherishing the things we already have?
2006-10-21 18:14:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You fall in love with who you fall in love with, you don't know everything about them. I ended up in hospital 2 months before I married my husband because I was in a hell of a lot of pain, 4 weeks before we married I found out that I couldn't have kids and I was in a state because I was soooo scared he wouldn't want to marry me probably because I hoped he didn't feel what you are feeling (we were both really looking forward to starting a family) I'm so glad he accepted this, we have a fantastic life, maybe different from the one we imagined, but great regardless. Your life can be what you make it, there are always options. I feel for you both because you may feel like you have been robbed, but there truly is more to life than children, if you don't want to look at adoption etc, then accept your lot and make the most of each other, don't focus on what you can't have, because you may lose what you do have. Good luck and I hope things work out for you both xxx
2006-10-21 19:18:17 · answer #6 · answered by thebear 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it fair? Well only you can answer this question. At what point in a relationship do you tell someone your not able to reproduce? Not sure, if you say it to soon, the other person may get the ideal your moving to fast and planning on a trip to the alter, and if your feelings have not progressed to this point, one could scare the other off. However not telling someone your unable to have children, that doesn't seem fair either to me. The alternative is possible revers ale of the surgery. Then their is adoption. The world is full of children needing parents to love them. No simple answer, you will need to sure your heart and soul and decide what is right for you. Thanks for the opportunity to address such a complex question. Best of Luck
2006-10-21 18:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by Strawberry Pony 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
although i really do understand where you are coming from i have to say..
1. If you really really love your wife/partner what does it matter?
2. Get a new wife/partner if it really does matter
3. Start saving for sterilisation reversal op.. most places will do it for approx £3,000 worth every penny if you want to try for a baby.
4. Go for fertility treatment.. chances are you might be more successful than having a reversal again you will probably have to pay. IVF roughly costs £3,000 in UK..you would need your GP to refer you to the nearest clinic.
5. Adopt/foster ect..... there are so many options out there...
Good Luck what ever you do.
2006-10-21 18:07:01 · answer #8 · answered by confused 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well... fairness shouldn't be the question you are asking here. you should be worried if you really want to be with her. i think that that is the real question you are facing which you and only you can answer that. some things to consider would be: if you to can't have children, could you adopt? there are many kids out there already that need a good home. is ending your relationship with her worth having a child? tough decision.
2006-10-21 18:07:42 · answer #9 · answered by Brandi A 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't say how your partner feels about this. Maybe shes not prepared to go thru the agonies of post natal depression again.
As you say, find out before......
2006-10-21 18:17:07 · answer #10 · answered by huggz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋