now i'm gonna start by clarifying that i'm ok with the situation, its my other friends n family that have a problem with it, i'm in a relationship myself and i'm very happy. my best friend is seeing my most recent ex. when we split he took it very hard but found comfort in my mate, i went out with my mate and got drunk and she left early, my ex called round to talk to her and they ended up sleeping together. they're now seeing each other. i am slightly worried how it mite affect our friendship as he wants nothing to do with me and shouts abuse at me in the st. she passes this off as just him being a bit screwed up in the head. i recently had a problem i wanted to talk to her about but i couldnt ring her as he was there as he is most nites. my friends n family think its all a bit wierd and that shes out of order for doing this. i really dont mind. i'm happy they're happy together as they are well suited. whos right?
2006-10-21 10:40:36 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have to say i don't think there is a right or wrong in this, but its how strong your morals are. You are being very mature about all this and you should be proud of yourself for that.
I do feel uneasy that your 'best friend' thinks it is OK for him to be soooo horrid n rude to u! This shows she is making excuses for him and ignoring ur feelings in it all and so risking the friendship. To me it is a no go to date an ex of a friend it can course so many problems and torn loyalties. The friendship has already been affected as u can no longer confide in her.
I think he is only with her to course you upset and troubles and prob to get a reaction because he is immature and hurting. So at a guess it wont last long anyway. Your friend will then realise how much she has let you down.
If i was to advice you i would give your 'mate' space. Trust your instinct and don't confide in her. Show both of them you have no problem with them being together but say how you feel wen he is being rude.
You of course can then keep your head held high as you are a true friend!!!!!!
2006-10-21 11:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the way I see it, he didn't take things too hard or he wouldn't have turned to your best friend...and if he was taking it hard more than likely that means that his intent was to just use her to get to you - which isn't good for either of you. I think it is a bit odd that she left early - and ended up with him on the night you broke up. To me... 2+2 does not equal 5. They are both out of line but if they want to be together that is their choice. The question is... Do you deserve better? - absolutely. It's not healthy to not be able to speak to other friends while in a relationship and it's just not a friendship when a man can come between and keep you from speaking. Something isn't right. My advice would be to distance yourself - and be happy outside of their choices and outside of that drama and whatever you do, don't become jealous. Don't be jealous that he has her attention and don't be jealous that she made these choices - there is nothing to envy in that type of unhealthy bond.
2006-10-21 10:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by skevans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do think it's a bit wierd, but it takes allsorts. However why is your friend going out with him if he's 'a bit screwed up in the head' (obviously over you)??? She obviously had feelings for him while you were together and your friendship is likely to suffer if they get closer because she'll feel torn between you both, it is a kind of unwritten rule because of this, however you seem really mature about it so maybe they can be. Hope everything works out and you can all be friends x
2006-10-21 10:53:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of my friends and i have been good friends for over 20 years. there is 5 of us and we have all made this pact (20 years ago when we was in school) that we would never go out with our exes boyfriends or anyone that one of us has a major crash on.
I am quiet glad to report that in 20 years none of us has broken this pact.
We all feel the same that our friendships are far more important than any boyfriend.
I have to say that if my friend went with one of my exes i would seriously question my friendship and i am pretty sure that the trust would be broken (and the pact) and therefore the friendship would end.
2006-10-21 10:46:12 · answer #4 · answered by blondegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, you seem okay with their relationship, so that's all good regardless of what others may think. It looks like she knows that you're cool with it too. Well, if she doesn't it helps if you clarify that.
From what I gather, the main thing to you is you can't contact her because he is abusing you (well, verbally).
How about emailing her, and having a girl's night out together. Or if she has a mobile, give her a text and say you want to catch up. Just spending time alone with good friends will be good.
Hopefully you get to contact her soon and chit-chat like old times.
=)
2006-10-21 11:06:01 · answer #5 · answered by demi-kun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let it affect your relationship with your friend.
However I would be a little concerned for her,it sounds as though this guy is still hung up over you,otherwise he wouldn't be abusive towards you.
Could it be he is just seeing your friend as a way of getting back at you?Which obviously isn't a good situation.
I would give them both a bit of space for a while,you will probably find thier relationship will fizzle out and the two of you can continue being friends. Thats a blokes point of view anyway!
2006-10-21 10:49:57 · answer #6 · answered by jixer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hard to judge who is right or wrong and everyone has their reasons for doing/saying what they are at the moment. Your friends and family are very protective of you and no doubt are on your side - they show you their concern and support by saying the girl is out of order which is fair enough. however, i think your friend has to make the effort to be there for you if she values your friendship. U after all have been so cool and defensive of her seeing your ex. If she doesn't offer to help, then perhaps she isn't a friend to whom you should really talk.
2006-10-21 11:11:12 · answer #7 · answered by Helloyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh. I don't know how OK you'll be with this once you've had some time to get over your ex and you have perspective on the whole situation. It's tacky, sure, under any circumstances. But why would she want some guy you cast off? Why would she want to be with a guy who treats you badly? Like she disrespects your opinion of him--what does that say about your opinions in general?
It's one thing if your friend dates a jerk, but it's another thing entirely if YOU date him first, break up with him, and then she's like, oh, hey, a jerk! Wheeeee! You've already proven he's a loser! So she either has bad taste, or she doesn't care about your opinion. Or she's desperate for a shag, something like that.
I don't think it sounds good. I'd be pissed off, myself, and I don't know why you aren't. I mean, do what you think is right, but remember that since you broke up with the guy, you might not be thinking too clearly about him. It's not OK for your ex to scream at you. It's not OK for your friend's boyfriend to scream at you. It's doubly wrong! Your family is right on this one. I don't know that you're practicing forgiveness--I think it's something else going on. You're going to lose her, too! Doesn't she care? Don't you care? Doesn't he care?
Grrrrr, I'm mad she's dating him! I'm mad for you! Grrrrrr! She needs to stop seeing him!
2006-10-21 10:58:32 · answer #8 · answered by SlowClap 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there right its abit weird yes but i think if your happy not just wif ur new bf but in general then it shouldn't matter, realationships come an go but true friends stay forever.
u no u dont want him back soo not if ur getting ur heart broken from him seeing others. life moves on.
he might be nasty towards u no cuz he still hurt and upset, but give it time an he will b ok, but talk to you mate and tell her what u think, how u feel, wether he is there or not or tell her u want to talk in private.
if she a true friend she will listen to you.
the main thing is to be happy an to stay happy dont let any1 or anything get u down.
2006-10-21 10:50:20 · answer #9 · answered by Ben 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would never date one of my friends ex's its just something you should never do. from the sound of it your better off without him if he shouts abuse at you in the street it means he is still bothered about it all. its a shame you feel like you cant talk to your friend tho and if it was me then i would phone her anyway, he will have to just get over it. i think your friend is a bit out of order and didn't really take your feelings into account. if you value her friendship then work it out otherwise ring one of your other friends.
2006-10-21 10:49:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋