been married 9 years have liked other guy for about 5
2006-10-21 10:29:22 · 18 answers · asked by in need of 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need a reality check..whats more important this other guy or your family..you cant have both and you will hurt your hubby in the process and if you have kids..they will hurt longer then your hubby...
2006-10-21 10:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by bllnickie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you have too much time in your hands. Idleness leads to mischief. Irresponsibility is another word to consider here. You are obsessed with this other guy because you have either been watching porn or because your husband doesn't give you the attention that you crave, either in the sack or intellectually. It is not uncommon for a relationship to cool off over time, but consider this: How many times will you start over? Exactly. Being attracted to other people is natural, but once you have made a marriage commitment, you should learn to control yourself and put all things on the scale of morality and duty. Little children go with every urge since they are like weeds in the wind. It should not be so with you who are grown. Didn't you learn self-control at home when your parents disciplined you? If they didn't, now you know the value of it.
I highly advise that you return to your first love and consider the reasons that you married. Return to your romance and claim your life back. Put your relationship with your husband ahead of children, work, and other people. You will see that this infatuation you have for this "guy" is just that, infatuation. Besides, do you not think that everybody else who is married experiences the same thing? Cheating is always wrong.
Mr. M on "obsessed with this guy."
2006-10-21 10:40:41 · answer #2 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your question was short, so I am not going to read anything into it other than you said. Everyone else seems to think you're already having an affair and has run with that. So, if you're not having an affair, but you're just obsessed and want to be with this guy, then why has it not happened? Probably because he's not interested in having a relationship with you. I don't mean that to hurt any feelings, but five years is a long time to "like" someone. And there's nothing wrong with liking someone, but I can tell you from personal experience it creeps into every aspect of your life and does affect your marriage indirectly.
My advice, because I had to do it myself, is stop having interaction with this guy. You have to be strong and tell yourself that it's not mean to be, you need to focus on your marriage, and cut the ties. It will be VERY hard, and every day you'll try to convince yourself not to cross paths with him or not to call him, or whatever it is you do with him. But the good news is that with every day you avoid and focus on your life it will get easier.
If you have problems in your marriage, then you need to determine if you want to be in it or not and it can't have anything to do with this guy. Figure that out, then if you become free due to the marriage failing, maybe this guy will still be there.
2006-10-21 11:16:09 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think. Think about why you are married. Think about what your marriage means to you. Think about how your husband would feel if you acted on your fantasy. Think about what acting on your fantasy would lead to. ( I don't think this would be a good outcome for any one except perhaps the guy you are obsessed with; he would probably get some sex for a while then tire and move on) It's OK to have a fantasy, just think carefully before you try your fantasy on as reality, it may not fit like you imagine in your fantasy.
2006-10-21 11:13:29 · answer #4 · answered by Bullwinkle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds famililar.....be careful...be very very careful..you will be risking a lot. When you say obsessed...obsessed with what exactly the thought of sleeping with the other guy? What's his situation? Fantasies are OK but doing the real deal is high risk.... and is it really really worth it. Find a new hobby..do some new things with your husband... good luck....
2006-10-21 10:34:29 · answer #5 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not just hurting your husband and children you are hurting yourself as well. In the back of your mind you have to feel guilty and bad for what you are thinking or doing. The grass always seems greener on the other side and if the relationship goes further and you leave your husband for him I bet you will regret what you did.
2006-10-21 11:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to make a decision, Your going to have to let one go and give the other one your undivided attention., I personally would go for the husband, unless there is something bad about him. Marriage is a job, and it takes work from both sides.
2006-10-21 10:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Break Up with Both You're going to lose your Marriage to one Man, and lose a Love Interest in another.
You Need to Understand that Infidelity, and what you are doing is Wrong and you can't have both Men at once.
2006-10-21 10:34:58 · answer #8 · answered by tfoley5000 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your marriage means anything to you... STOP ALL CONTACT W/ OTHER GUY!!! This is not rocket science. Do you love your husband? Do you take your marriage seriously?
How would you feel if your husband was asking us this question about another woman?!
2006-10-21 10:51:57 · answer #9 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get to a counselor. It is imperative that you find out what this guy gives you (or you think he gives you) that hubby does not If you cant do this then tell hubby you want a divorce and please let him have everything because this is your problem not his.
2006-10-21 11:23:27 · answer #10 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋