My partner of 14 years was in rehab for alcohol abuse but came straight out and started to drink again.
I threw him out.
He wants to go to counselling with me as he is going back into rehab in April and wants to get it right this time and wants to be with me.
I found out that during the time we were seperated, he slept with someone. He is sorry, says he didn't want to hurt me, but thought that I didn't want him anymore.
I have been so hurt, but I still love him, but am frightened. Should I go to counselling with him? Or cut my losses before I get hurt anymore?
2006-10-21 10:05:01 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes. Take the offer. If you value what you have or see in him, take it and go find out what lies behind the mask he shows you ....and you might find there is whole lot more of worth.
If you just simply 'cut your losses,' then you will never likely know what you have lost, or what there is in you that is there to be discovered.
You have nothing to lose by going, and the chances of begining your healing ~ and of gaining much as a result.
Good luck.
Sash.
2006-10-24 15:02:24 · answer #1 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut your losses. Tell him when he's been sober for two years, then you'll go into counselling with him. Then stay in counselling for 3 months before you sleep together. It's tough, but it's tough love that works. A lot of people have to be totally selfish and self obsessed to quit an addiction and it doesn't leave much over for relating.
2006-10-21 17:10:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on how much you love him and how much you are willing to go through for him. I would say if he goes to rehab
and will go to the counceling it might be worth a try. I wouldn't live
with him until he proves his self to you. He probably slept with someone because of the drinking. There is no real way of knowing if you will get hurt again or not. If it was me he would have to do alot to convince me of whether or not he has really changed. But people do change, some times for the better. Good luck to you.
2006-10-21 17:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by REALISTIC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very difficult. I think the complication here is the alcohol addiction. With an addict their addiction comes first he needs to get past this unless you want to forever have a relationship with him and the alcohol. The problem with relationships with addicts is that the alcohol has become (in their mind) a factor in the relationship. He has to know he actually has burnt his bridges - you can never love him in the same way again - I think you need to let him go and deal with his addiction. I know this is excruciatingly difficult to start with just because when we are in this situation we feel we have no control and we feel powerless and unloveable, it is scary to face the world again feeling like that. It may be that you can work on your relationship with a sober and committed partner but he has to get there first. Good luck and remember you deserve to feel loved and safe in your relationship, you really do.
2006-10-21 17:24:35 · answer #4 · answered by Eliot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you should cut your losses before you get hurt even more.
If you find you are utterly miserable without him and want to try therapy, it might be worth a try. But make it clear this is his very last chance with you. Three strikes and he's out.
2006-10-21 17:41:21 · answer #5 · answered by simon2blues 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go for medical counselling. I suggest you give him an ultimatum and follow through because if you keep forgiving him he will keep doing it. Say you will leave him if he touches another drink. Alcohol abuse is a cry for help.
2006-10-21 17:20:15 · answer #6 · answered by John T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should really think about your actions, Do you love him? can you forgive him? can you trust him again? and would you be happy if you got back together?
If you answer yes to any of these questions than yes than why not because if you love him than it is worth one more chance
But if you answer no to the question than i would not as then i think it would be good to get on with your life and be happy
Your the only one that can decide just make sure that you are doing the right thing that is right for you.
Good luck
2006-10-21 17:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by blondegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for is a person, is love them from a distant. Seems you've shared 14 years. Now, it's time for you to live and live without regret. If you stay, you know the results, if you leave you don't. "Go Figure"!
2006-10-23 16:24:43 · answer #8 · answered by ~Jessica~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut your losses addicts are always going to be addicts even when in rehab or counseling they are still addicts they fight the urges of there addiction every day so cut your losses and start fresh in time your heart will heal and you may find someone worthy of your love run far and fast from him
2006-10-21 18:02:51 · answer #9 · answered by lisaisfunn1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 100% certain you want to be with him then yes go too counselling with him, but make it clear too him that you are serious about your relationship and with him quiting the booze. Tell him this is the last chance and be strong with him about it.
2006-10-21 17:17:21 · answer #10 · answered by markj1007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋