My oyfriend whom my son and I live with and I have been having really bad problems lately. I know alot of it is my fault and I have realized that I need to make changes. We have been having really nasty arguments and discusions about if our relationship can work. I know alot of it has to do with me and how I have treated him. Anyway, hs mom has always been supportive of us so I decided even though I knew he wouldnt lke it that i was going to email her telling her how i was sorry i had treated him so bad and about some of our serious problems that are making us almost break up. I did it only as a desperate attempt to save us. Anyway, he is completly furious at me saying I backstabed him. HIs mom was really nice to me about everything and said she was going to talk to him about it and that she tought it was good for me to talk about it. He is now saying he isnt coming home and I have only one more chance. Is what I did really wrong? I only did it to try and save us.
2006-10-21 08:35:15 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
We werent getting anywhere just talking about it by ourselves. He says he needs me to show remorse for what I have done and he never wants me to contact his mom again "behind his back".
2006-10-21 08:36:08 · update #1
You have to show "remorse"?! WTF! Get out of this relationship. It is beyond repair, IMO. This guy sounds like a control freak, and you have a right to speak to anyone you want about the things that are going on in YOUR life. It is YOUR life, right? Or did you sign over all your rights when you moved in with him? Get a new roommate. This one's expired.
2006-10-21 09:04:50 · answer #1 · answered by Shepherd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think what you did was wrong. Your boyfriend doesn't see what your true intentions are and that was to save the relationship. Sometimes its too hard to talk to the other person because you both are fueled by emotion. When that happens the message is lost and the only thing you hear and see is body language and tone of voice. I think you went to his mother so you could get your message heard. Over the years I'm sure she has been a voice of reason. The reason he is so furious is b/c they are family and he probably feels his mother should take his side no matter what. Let him cool off and give him some space. The message won't sink in until he's had time to cool off. But for this to work you are going to have to weather the storm. If you argue back then this will be an endless cycle.
2006-10-21 08:43:00 · answer #2 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The big thing here is that you went to "mom". The first women he ever loved in his life was mom. Of course she was really nice to you, you are in a realtionship with her son honey, and if you don't think that she secretly is THRILLED that the two of you are having problems, you are sadly mistaken. I know that you don't feel that you did something wrong because you were desperate to save what was left between the two of you, but could I ask why mom? Why not a counselor? There are counselors out there for people who aren't yet married, but are in a committed relationship. You are taking responsibility for whatever negative part you have had in your relationship with him, but is he taking his? You need to evaluate the pros and cons here. The biggest concern of all, other than your happiness, should be your son. You don't want him around the arguing and the unhappiness, and if it isn't getting any better, no matter how hard it is, you are going to want to seriously think about just saying goodbye and having it be over. I know that it is easy for people to just give you that type of advice and not actually have been privy to the relationship, but sometimes and outside person, not mom who is NOT on the outside, has a bigger view of things. You are hurting, he is hurting, you can bet your son is hurting. If you are serious about giving it a go, seek counseling, not mom's advice. And if that isn't an option, like I said, it is time to start thinking about getting out. Good luck honey, and God bless. I know it isn't going to be easy either way, just don't forget that you have the right to be happy too.
2006-10-21 08:49:09 · answer #3 · answered by pamalamadingdong_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First problem is that it's a "boyfriend" you're living with and you have a son.
Second problem is that you went to his mom with stuff he had told only you. You should have told him you were going to do that first.
His mom gave you a phony-baloney response. She is appalled, and you can be sure she told her son to get rid of this little tramp and her brat in short order. And he's going to.
I wish I could say something pleasant, but you screwed up the one-time-too-many in a relationship already messed up to start with. YOUR POOR SON. I wish you good luck straightening your life out, only for your son's sake.
2006-10-21 08:40:10 · answer #4 · answered by David W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u must disclose ur age before anyone can answer u sincerely
2006-10-21 08:45:59 · answer #5 · answered by KOHLI V 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋