to retaliate when wives scorn, argue, mock, and deny sex to them? And why would a husband stay in a situation like that? What kind of fantasy-revenge-sublimation do they do? Why don't they tell their wives and get a divorce? Are children a sufficient reason? Or are there other reasons they continue to endure a difficult situation? Do they plan to do something about it someday? I'm most interested in hearing from men with personal experience in tough marriages.
2006-10-21 08:08:32 · 10 answers · asked by David W 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not sure what friends or acquaintances you have that's given you the idea that men become passive, and even submissive, once they're married, but I think this label you've given them is a little off. Yes, reasonable men know how to be civil with their wife when they go off the deep end just like the reasonable women know how to tolerate some of the $hit men dish out. Then some men, and women, just don't have much of a backbone and can't stand up for themselves.
2006-10-21 08:12:49 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not all men are wimps. sorry to hear that all the men you know are wimpy. those types of men were not loved as children, more than likely physically, emotionally, verbally and sometimes sexually abused. As they get older they're looking for love that they never had, therefore they have no clue as to what to look for in a women, they only want to be loved and so the get into relationships with those types of women. These types of women also have low self esteem because a confident women will not get into a relationship with these types of men,,,so what you have is a vicious cycle. The bible calls this a curse. Society calls it a cycle. This curse or cycle can be broken if the couples are willing to work it out by getting pastoral counseling or marriage counseling.
2006-10-21 15:21:03 · answer #2 · answered by cruizer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, there are times I accept scorn, rebuke, silence from my wife. It's called give and take. Sometimes I act like you sound and get an ear full! Caveman attitudes last only brief periods in relationships. They either kill the love or the love kills it. A bunch of guys don't like to have a personal "stupid meter" walking around them, reminding them how civilized people act. However, there are those of us who rely on this "stupid meter" to help us grow. This is not just a negative rebuking person too. Sometimes it gives great support to know you really did wonderful today. To know what attributes are going to get me further in life than I would have had without this wisdom. Wisdom shared is double wisdom.
2006-10-21 15:23:56 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i stayed in the marriage and put up with her crap because i really did love her and hoped she would change someday. Love can be pretty strong, children can make you want to stay together yes but not always. I finally got a divorce because she just would not change, she said that was the way she was going to be and that was that! take it or leave. She was going to wear the pants and that was all there was to it. So exit stage left for me.
2006-10-21 15:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by orlin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is not an exclusively male condition; there are no shortage of women in parallel situations, being derided or abused by their partners.
I think men who tolerate this sort of situaution have usually been programmed in childhood to accept being pushed about as normal.
Usually, one partner or other is dominant in a relationship, but here they have allowed the other to dominate beyond reason, probably because they do not feel they truly deserve to be treated properly.
2006-10-21 15:17:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because so many boys have been raised with "single mothers" who say they "dont need a man!" and turn out wimpy little men who haven't been taught how to be a man. Sorry ladies, but you don't know what being a MAN means. Now we have all these wussy men who are made to feel useless from day one (mommy didn't need a man!) and have never seen a man interact with his wife- they've grown up with their mommy's moody PMS business .... and then marry a replica.
2006-10-21 15:14:13 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My exact situation. 2 great kids and married for 11 years. I tried to compromise but soon dicsovered her idea of middle ground was me changing and her not. I finally had enough and am now divorced.
2006-10-21 15:14:36 · answer #7 · answered by teenypurplebinky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of reasons for lots of different people for me its a combination Children, Finances, Poor self esteem, Fear of being alone, and of course Sex. Then I decided that I love myself too and woke up. And sometimes the painfull truth sucks.
2006-10-21 15:17:47 · answer #8 · answered by shawn_mauldin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yeah, the sex one.
"I don't feel comfortable doing sex with you until you ...."
I explained to her that from my point of view she was putting the whole relationship on the line to force me to co-operate, and that it was heavy-handed to assert her own point of view when I clearly didn't share her opinion on whatever it was she wanted me to do. For example, get a haircut.
2006-10-21 15:22:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
women should Know man better than they do them self, they bring them to life and race them, and if they do all these ugly things to them the should no they are not happy and eventually the would leave.
2006-10-21 15:19:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋