Does it go away? This feeling? Will things ever be OK again?

Question

We broke up. We'd been together 4 years and on Monday night after wrk, we got into a heated arguement which resulted in our breakup.I figured it'd blow over like heated arguements usually tend to. I was wrong. I haven't seen him since Monday night, and he doesn't seem to want to see me at all. I've begged in different ways. I've called, I've written, I've texted.. It's almost as if someone flicked an 'off' switch in him. Doesn't he love me anymore? Doesn't he care? How is it so easy for him? I called him last night wanting to talk. I was prepared to beg and sob all night if that's what it took. He didn't even want to talk to me. He said he "couldn't do this right now", and hung up. We've been 2gether 4 years and he has NEVER been this indifferent about us. This cold. I'm hurting so bad that the pain actually feels physical. I was up all night just sobbing. Does it go away? Doesn't he care anymore? How do I come to terms with it if he doesnt? All our memories gone? Done? Just like that?

Answer 1

i had the exact situation we broke up 8 months ago(1st march 2006)..oh well iam unlucky but u might be lucky!
Guys need space..to think for emselves n stuff liek that,,i have waited all along..i dont know what to do rite now also:L:(..but lol u dont worry..i think u both will get together fine again:)..THINK POSITIVE!

Answer 2

Wow I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through. And I promise you, YES it does get better! However, if you want any chance of getting back together, you need to do a few simple things. Number one, quit calling him. Give him some space. Men are strange creatures, and they are not naturally nurturing and loving. They are doers. He needs time to absorb what happened monday night, and come to grips with what he needs and wants from you. If it was a particularly ugly fight, he needs time to figure out if it's worth it as well. Maybe the fight is similar to other ones you've had. If so, he may be trying to decide if this stuff will continue for the rest of your lives. Give him time. Give him space. Write him a note, and mail it to him. Tell him you are sorry for what happened, and you are also sorry for pestering him about it ever since. Tell him that you understand he needs time and you are going to let things be. And if he decides he wants you back, you will hopefully still be there. then drop it! Let him think, breathe, and feel. Right now he's sitting on his "rock" thinking. The more you pester him about it, the more he's gonna push you away. Next, go about your business. Don't change your habits, and remember that if you can keep it cool for a couple of weeks, in order for him to come back, it's much better than losing the entire relationship for good. At the end of the few weeks, if he's still not back, write him again and tell him you are sorry things didn't work out, but that you are moving on now. Wish him luck. Then, start your grieving process. It will get better. I guarantee it!!! It took me 6 months to get over a relationship. A lot of praying toward the end of it, helped the pain to stop. And yes, my emotional pain turned into physical pain. It was the worst time of my life. But I got through it. Whether you're religious or not, try praying. Ask God for the strength you need right now, to get through this...and if it ends, ask him then for the strength and understanding you will need to move on. If it does work out and he comes back, thank God for that as well!!! He listens. He will provide. If your boyfriend doesn't come back, after you do all of this, than I will help you with the grieving process. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

And yes he still loves you. But you need to know, sometimes love just isn't enough. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I know it is hard to believe right now, but YES it will get better. I don´t think he has forgotten anything of the things you have shared. He is problably hurting so much too that he cannot bear to talk to you right now. And if it turns out that he will not get back toghether with you, after a little while you will start feeling better and one day the pain will be gone. I know what I am talking about after ending a 10 years relationship six years ago.

Answer 4

Been there! Life seems to go in a circle..if you keep winding up in the same place..you need to take a different turn somewhere down the road.You can love someone very much and know them very well and not understand why they do the things they do.Think about what you argued about...was it worth the breakup?Problems come in when it is allowed.Life deals the cards..it's up to us to make something of it.Only time can heal an open wound.

Answer 5

I guess after 4 years of heated arguments that blow over, yet flare up again and again and again, he became numb. How long did you think your heated arguments were going to continue before someone got fed up and stopped dealing with it?
It doesn't happen "just like that"- it's been years of heated arguments that slowly killed the love, hope, respect and your future together.
I'm sorry. I hope you realize that your begging and sobbing is just more drama that he's probably sick of, so it won't work.

Answer 6

There is nothing Ican say that will make you feel better. Que sera sera. I'm sorry. It will be hard at first but you will be able to work through your emotions.

Time doesn't heal everything, but it sure helps.

In the meantime try the old fashioned trick: a pint of ben and jerry's and a really good chick-flic with your best girlfriends.

Answer 7

I'm not sure how old you are but...most men are like that, they don't want to face anything that has to with their feelings. oh honey he cares in his own way. first thing stop chasing him. if he wants to come back let him think it was his idea.. 4yrs doesn't go pufff...but try on 15yrs and see the black hole I had to crawl up out of..there are alot of people with more years in then 4yrs that have split up and were are making the best of it. Is it hard? h*ll ya! Basically you move on. Feelings fade in time...people change and we have to accept those things we can't change in our lives or we will go crazy.... I just think your are ripping yourself up about this more than you should. Remember it takes 2.

Answer 8

the love you have for each other doesnt end up with such an argument. i think you just need to give him a little time and space to sort out his feelings. Maybe he is trying to stay away to prevent further arguments that would hurt you. Just stay put, allow him time to vent his anger and i am sure when he has done that, he will come back.

Answer 9

I would say it depends on your age. After leaving a five year relationship I thought I could move on, but five years later and three kids later I still think of that person. So it depends on what kind of person you are. But for him to disconnect like that maybe somethings going on that you don't know about. Give him his space and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. He's not crying over it so why are u? Wait for him to contact you. If you let him know that it bothers you that much he may use it against you. But you should know him better. Good luck!

Answer 10

sorry to hear of your hurt. and no it doesn't go away it changes however into something else: hatred sometimes, sometimes grateful. But it will turn into something else and that is what you have to be watch full about. How this ordeal will change you. Start off by being good to you. Its hard I know I went through it but do it anyway. It will make you feel better. Bobby