Help! my ex is turning my kids against me!?

Question

My ex seems to have turned my kids against me cos I refuse to be a bottomless pit of money.She gets what she is entitled to by law but wants more and now I have refused to pay this she wont allow any contact with them .I am thinking of legal action.
ps I though they were old enough to see thru this as they are both teenagers.

She tells everyone she is skint but is in L.A. one week and Dubai the next (dont ask) and my kids are dropped round to her family without me knowing nothing.How do you think I feel!

Did I mention what I gave to the daughter for her uni course last week, (of course that does not count) says the ex!!!

Answer 1

Take Legal Action. She obviously can't look after these kids properly if she's trying to bleed more money out of you, sue for custody of your kids. By doing this, you can see them as often as you like and be able to make sure she don't turn them against you. It's also a real F*** you to to her.

Answer 2

Although you are paying child support that doesn't legally bind you to allowing you to see your children. If you have a custody agreement between the both of you then you have legal rights. If you don't then recommend you to go to the court and seek a custody agreement. Let's suppose you do have a custody agreement then you take that agreement to the local police department and show them that you as a parent have a custody agreement. Let them call her and inform her that she has to let the children see you. If she refuses than she can be held accountable and the police can arrest her for kidnapping.

If you don't have a custody agreement then the courts will hear the childrens side since they are teenagers. The courts will allow you to have access to your childrens life as long as there is no abuse. Your ex is wrong. Although the law as it stands now is on her side. If you can prove she is incompetent you can get full custody.

Keep an accurate log of everything you do and spend. The courts like this alot.

Answer 3

Since they are both teenagers they are going to be angry with the situation all together no matter what. Just give them some time to work things out on their own. In the meantime you have to make sure that you are being the best dad that you can. Be there for them to answer any questions they may have and answer them honestly. Don't patronize them because they will know and resent you for it. Just make sure you are doing your part and make sure they never hear you speak ill of their mother around them as kids tend to be more loyal to their mothers when they feel forced to make a decision. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this and I hope all works out for you. If your ex continues to refuse you access to your children I would definitely recommend taking legal action. Kid's are not bargaining tools and should never be used as such.

Answer 4

You have a legal right to contact with your kids whether or not you are paying support, and that bit sucks when the boot is on the other foot.

You could take legal action, but far more effective is to tell the kids that you love to see them anytime they want to. They are in a far better position to put pressure on their mum than any court. Just be prepared for her to send them round when they want new trainers (about every 6 weeks). Of course, you could always suggest this... which would ensure you got to see them regularly and would be far, far cheaper than solicitors.

Answer 5

This makes me so mad! My fiancees ex did the same thing. He'd been sending her money to help care for their son and she spent it on dates with her new boyfriend. My fiancee started sending significantly less money and she's been turning their son against him for the past few years. When will people learn that children are not weapons?? They are living beings who need both parents. Anyway, sorry about my rant :) That being said I think that you absolutely should take legal action. In my opinion, unless a parent is a danger to the children, the parent should be allowed to see the children. She is the mother of your children and the situation is unfortionate, but she's the one trying to keep you from your children. You have every right to fight for your rights as their father.

Answer 6

Contact to children has nothing to do with the payment or non-payment of maintenance for them or your ex - they are entirely separate issues and it is completely wrong for her to punish the children in this way for you not being able or willing to pay her extra money. The children are entitled to see you whether she likes it or not. Do keep talking to them but stay calm and resist the temptation to tell them in any way what you think of their mother's behaviour. Personally, if they were to ask you anything about it, I think you should tell them that you and their mother simply disagree about money - that their mother believes she is right and you believe you are right. If she tells them, for example, that you don't care about them because you won't pay x amount, and they tell you she has said this, you could respond (to the children) that people very often sincerely believe things that are simply not true. That way you avoid having to tell them she is a liar and hopefully they will see for themselves that she's just being silly. It's sad for them if she is making it difficult by her behaviour for her children to respect her, but hopefully they will at least have the generosity to forgive her for being human and fallible. And maybe they will have enough courage one day to tell her to her face she is wrong.

PS: Steve and others: it's not called custody, it's residence - they are not fridges, they are children. And it's not called access anymore, for the same reason, it's called contact. I am a legal secretary - it doesn't sound as if it you would stand much or any chance of success if you applied for residence of the children, even if they were not already teenagers. She would have to be working as a prostitute, or doing drugs, or exposing the children to harm by having a sex offender boyfriend move in.

Answer 7

Just because you pay child support doesn't give you the right to NOT pay anything else. Child support is for just that, supporting the child, helping with the essentials needed for living, electricity, ect. You still need to help with other things, clothing, soccer uniforms, class pictures, ect. If the family was all living in the same house you would be paying for everything, just because the mother lives "somewhere else" doesn't mean your other responsibilities stop. I'm not saying give her the money, but you can take the children out and buy them what they need, take the price tag off and throw it away so she can not return the item in case your worried about that kind of situation. So, depending on what it is, help out.

Answer 8

Obviously, your ex is using this ploy to "get back" at you. If it's possible to reason with her, assuming that you have any communication at all, try to impress upon her that her actions are only hurting the children and if she forces you to take her back to court, it will hurt them even more. Unless you are not upholding your responsibilities, the court should rule in your favor if that option be necessary. (Actually, you don't really know what she is telling the children about you....and if she has denied you visitation, isn't that against court orders?) A call to your attorney would clarify matters.

Answer 9

sadly,in any situation as urs,teenaged kids can be absolute monsters..they are at a stage where they fantasize themselves of being something on a different plane altogether..they hardly care what's happening between the 2 of u..if they did,they'd be sensible to hear u out,or atleast be less judgemental where their Father is concerned.They are taking advantage of ur generosity..n if u think u'r being pushed to take legal action_do so.U may feel terribly guilty or wretched..but the thing is,u cannot be toyed all the time..or take the brunt of a broken marriage.
Do what is sensible..take action against it...to show u cannot be taken for granted,and that ur kids cannot be used as a psychological weapon against u.If she does so now_she'll be prone to corner u again.Stop[ it immediately n take legal action if necessary.

Answer 10

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/C4dEa

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.