I found my husband's ex on classmates and got them to talking. It seems she has never let go of her feelings and now I am wondering about him too. I caught them in an online affair which supposedly ended and now he has the nerve to ask me if he can fly to see her to see if 'IT' is still there but if not he wants to come home to me. What the hell are they thinking?
2006-10-21 06:25:51 · 21 answers · asked by starla 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They divorced 30 years ago. We live 2000 miles apart. We have been married 23 years, I thought happily. She had been married 28 but has gotten divorced since this all began.
2006-10-21 06:29:23 · update #1
I found her because he had so many unanswered questions regarding his now 31 year old daughter with her whom he lost contact with as a result of the divorce.
2006-10-21 06:46:55 · update #2
If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be. (ever hear that?) let him go, or better yet go with him! he won't like what he sees 30 years is a long time. I was divorced 27 years ago and just saw my ex-wife a few months ago and my God how time changes people ! She is not the same person at all. If he has no picture of her since their divorce? well I can tell you he is in for a big disappointment. (in most cases) My question to you is why did you get them to talking again in the first place? What were you thinking? Let him go and let him find out because you will always wonder if you don't now that you have gotten it all started again!!! Good luck.
2006-10-21 06:58:26 · answer #1 · answered by orlin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What on earth possessed you to get them together in the first place? Were you feeling insecure in your relationship? I think you both need to concentrate on your relationship together - seek counseling, couples therapy, whatever. Do not allow or encourage him to go spend a one-nighter (or longer) with his ex. The fact that he had an online affair (encouraged by you) is not a good sign. It almost sounds as though you want him to leave. My question would not be what in the hell are they thinking but what the hell were you thinking when you started this?!
2006-10-21 13:41:47 · answer #2 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only real solution is for you to get marriage counseling ASAP. For some reason you opened this can of worms, maybe it was your way of communicating to him. He in return opened up to his ex. The Ex is lonely (and probably your hubby was lonely too and felt his needs weren't being met) she managed to meet your husbands needs. Now its spiraling out of control.
Your marriage was already out of control, because if it weren't, your husband would have cut her off from the beginning. You know the answer, quit being in denial.your options are 1,) counseling before its too late, or 2) when the physical affair manifests, (because the emotional affair is already in full swing) don't be surprised and be ready to forgive or get a the divorce. (personally, if you dont have any fight in you, makle arrangements to keep the house and seek alimony. (AND QUIT BEING IN DENIAL!!!)
2006-10-21 15:09:54 · answer #3 · answered by cruizer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One whydid he not look for her when the daughter was younger
I hope that she get a lawyer and charge him for child support own
but on a better note what do you want to do,
you know that they will end up together, are you ready to get a divorce, even if you say no you will always wonder
Just think about it
2006-10-21 14:55:32 · answer #4 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you look her up? If you agree to it he'll feel he can ask you anything. You gotta give him credit for nerve. Put your foot down and tell him that he needs to be worrying about if it's still there between the two of you. Concentration on her means no concentration on your relationship...SAY NO and if he does it anyway you need to make moves.
2006-10-21 13:34:11 · answer #5 · answered by BB'sMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooh, hell no. That is an affair waiting to happen. I would never trust him to go see her. Sounds like they both want to finish something they once started.
2006-10-21 13:33:15 · answer #6 · answered by LuvMe2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL HIM YOUR NOT A PAWN. IF HE LEAVES TO GO AND SEE IF "IT " IS STILL THERE THEN "YOU" WONT BE HERE WHEN HE GETS BACK. IF HE TRULY LOVED YOU THEN HE WOULD NEVER ASK YOU TO PUT YOURSELF IN THIS POSITION. WHY CANT YOU GO WITH HIM TO MEET HER AS WELL AND HIS DAUGHTER. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO GO ALONE. ASK HIM THIS IF HE STILL SAYS HES GOING ALONE TELL HIM HE ISNT WELCOME BACK WHEN HE GETS BACK. THE INFO HE NEEDS ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER CAN BE ASKED OVER THE PHONE. HE SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOU. AND WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW LOOK AT MY WIFE BEEN MARRIED 2O SOME YEARS. THATS NOT COMMON ANY MORE. I WISH YOU LUCK AND BE STRONG. HANG IN THERE IT CANT GET ANY WORSE THAN IT IS RIGHT.
2006-10-21 14:20:14 · answer #7 · answered by evilella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are crazy. Your reaction is completely normal !!! Why should you let him find out how he feels about the woman, he should know already how he feels about you. If he really loves you, he will not ask that of you!
2006-10-21 13:34:26 · answer #8 · answered by Eileen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah bless
Seems you were tring to do him a kind jesture which has truly blown up in u face...
I would point blank refuse and ask him to stop seeing her,.
iIf not i would concider your future togetherbyou need love not 2nd best.
Good luck hunny
2006-10-21 13:35:47 · answer #9 · answered by loulou777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, but if he had an online affair, I would have gotten him together with his old ex.
2006-10-21 13:34:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋