She doesnt know anything about him other than like if she hears us fighting or something, so then she assumes he's a bad person.
He and I met over the Internet and the first time he came to visit me, he and I spent time alone. She assumes he's disrespectful because he has not met her yet. We were planning on it, but now after her comments and reactions to different things...he and I are real nervous because he and I planning to get married and her approval meant everything. He and I are both set to for the holidays, now.
She assumes because he's older than myself and because he's Hispanic..he's not serious about me and he's cheating on me.
Then she wonders why I dont share my business with her. In order to make her like him, what do I do? Start telling her way more about him or what?! She already doesnt like him, so what can I say or do now? Or what can he say or do?!
2006-10-21 05:08:57 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
By the way, I know for a fact what sort of person he is. It's definitely more of situation where I know my boyfriend and I know he's not a bad person. His mother talks to me and tells me how much he talks about me and talks about moving to be with me. I shared this information with my mother and she rolled her eyes. She thinks that he's just jerking me around. I don't know how I'm supposed to convince her that I've met a really good guy who comes with a set of flaws like every other man, but none that are abusive or seriously wrong that he should be deemed horrible. My mother also raised the biggest brat and baby in the world, so some of our relationship problems stem from that, my sadness, and my depression about he and I being so far apart.
2006-10-21 05:14:02 · update #1
Stop hiding him. Let them get to know each other. If he is the nice guy you think he is, she will find it out for herself. She is only acting that way because she feels the natural need to protect you. You can not control if they like each other or not; you can only let them work their friendship out by themselves. If as you say are planning on a long term relationship or even marriage with this person, him getting to know his inlaws is a basic thing...
P.S. You have already judged him and have a fairly good opinion about him, but your Mom needs to find out also. It is very important to establish a good communication flow from the beginning... Why don't you start by introducing his mom to your mom???
2006-10-21 05:16:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is getting all her information second hand,as well she may have dislike of people of his race. You have two very separate problems here, and you will have to over come both . I would suggest you sit down with your mom and ask her exactly what her picture if him is, let her get it all, out and then if you have been listening, go point by point and tell her how it is really is.If she says he is abusive, tell her how wrong she by showing her he is not, you are just arguing not beating each other up. as for her issue about race, that is has been in place for a long time and it will take her a while to over come that. If she is able to see the feelings you have for each other she will come around. I would also recommend that when you talk to your mom, take notes so you get the thoughts she has and be able to give her back facts.. Best of luck
2006-10-21 05:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is probably not much you could do. stop worrying about what your mother thinks & live life for yourself. you are old enough to make your own decisions & it's not fair having to live your life to make your mother happy. just because she doesn't like him now doesn't mean it's the end of the world. she may grow to like him, then again, she may not. who knows?!?! if she was with a man you didn't like, would it be fair to her to quit being with him for your sake? unless he was mistreating you, not at all. everyone deserves to have a chance to be happy the way they choose to, regardless of whether it is the best thing to do at the time or not. Just let her know that you love each other, this is what you want, she dont have to live with him (you do) & you would appreciate it if she could show some support in a very important part of your life.
best of luck to you & congratulations
(if it makes you feel any better i am white & married to a hispanic man, we have a 4 1/2 month old & another on the way-my family didnt like it at first, but i think they accepted it when they seen our pretty little baby)
2006-10-21 05:18:15 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your story he sounds like a great guy - so maybe the best thing would be to have him meet her and spend time with her. Let her get to know him, and hopefully she will warm up to him over time. Most of my Hispanic friends are very family-oriented and respectful of women/mothers, which is something she could appreciate.
You also might explain to her that having someone meet your parents is very important and you wanted to get to know him in person before you had him meet her. I think most people would agree that you wait a while before introducing someone to the P's.
2006-10-21 05:17:26 · answer #4 · answered by Christine M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can a credulous and un-suspecting mother be stunned by,on a fine morning, probabily is to know how her daughter's dream had been shattered . Turn your attention to share her discretion to better the script before being taken too far and realize all about the judgement.
2006-10-21 05:49:18 · answer #5 · answered by akshay s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mother's most of the time is Daughter's best friend,go to her talk with her and tell her how you feel and ask Mom questions,Moms like to help,Does he just come over,are does he try to make conversation with your Mom,does he ask it he can do things for her,does he ask her if can you and him can go to places instead of just going on your own,parents like to be involved in things that their kids are into even when they are older kids and married.You two may need to have more conversation with Mom and that may help a lot.
2006-10-21 05:17:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her meet him...if she doesn't like him...then it's your happiness that matters and she will get over it, or maybe she will find out that she does like him and she is just scared of losing her daughter. I met my husband on the internet and my only advice is to make sure you know the real person, people can hide behind the internet.
2006-10-21 05:11:33 · answer #7 · answered by ltlchk_2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
any mother is a well-wisher of her children. First open your heart and try to clear the misconception she has about him. you tell about his plus and minus point and also explain her why you have chosen him as your would be partner - what you expect from a guy and what he expects from a girl. Whether your requirement and his conincide. Whether you have understood him and he has understood you. Mere look and likings alone will not be the criterion for a successful married life.
TAKE ELDERS ADVICE AND YOUR MOM'S BLESSINGS BEFORE YOU VENTURE. ULTIMATELY YOUR HAPPINESS WILL BE HER'S TOO. BE PATIENT TILL SHE IS FULLY CONVINCED.
BEST OF LUCK.
2006-10-21 05:19:18 · answer #8 · answered by devi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a mother like that and there isn't anything you can do but wait it out. Even if you did things the right way, she will find something else to nit pick at. Good luck!
2006-10-21 05:12:15 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOl well ihear yeah girl .....i met my HUSBAND on a chat phone line...it was love at first site...my mother hadn't even met him yet and said she didnt like him because of his astrology sign....so our lives went on and i brought him to meet my mother and she was all nice to his face and then a couple times after he visited she said she didnt want him over anymore because hes discusting and she accused him of checking her out......she assumes if she doesnt like him that i will give him up......well i let her go on on her own troubles and decided i was staying with him after all its my life and my choices.....we got married and had a beautifull baby boy.....and im happier then ever but my mother want nothing to do with me or my child...all because she disnt like my boyfriends sign.......her lose we haven't spoken in a year.
2006-10-21 05:25:09 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋