I have been married for 5 yrs but this marriage was a total failure. I'm not happy at all. He has given all his attention to our daughter & work, there's no room for me at all. I have questioned him before & the answer that he gave me was marriage life is like that. i shouldn't complain at all.
2006-10-21 03:37:06 · 25 answers · asked by roundysoft 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
look in islamic law women can go to court and give suitable reason to get divorced from the man
i dont know if u can go to american court and ask for divorce
2006-10-21 03:45:15 · answer #1 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In our society, people are so quick to get a divorce once things get difficult. Didn't you both say...."For better or for worse?"
I think the both of you should take a vacation together (without your daughter) and make it one of many attempts to save your marriage. Start out by giving each other uninterrupted attention by simply being together without all the stresses of the world. Indulge yourselves with a walk on the beach, a hike in the mountains, or anything that you two use to enjoy in the being of your relationship. Then slowly work on some issues, but keep it calm. For example: you both could make a list of all the things you give to each other in the relationship. (i.e.: wash clothes, open doors, and a kiss every night before bed). After that, then make a list of your needs and he does the same (i.e.: more help with cleaning, more physically touches). Then compare lists and talk about it. Then see if you both can commit to fulfilling one thing on the list of needs. Once you get back home, I suggest finding a good marriage counselor. Like you said, "he refuses to let go." It sounds like perhaps he wants to work on things. You both have something very special, that nobody can ever replace. You have a beautiful little girl don't you? Even if you feel like your marriage is a failure....it is unique and special. It is just at its low part right now. With some motivation and help you two can make it!!! Remember: Baby steps, nothing is going to change over night.....
Sincerely,
Stacy from MN
ps: highly recommended reading: "his needs, her needs," and "the five love languages."
2006-10-21 04:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by Lala Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I have read some of these responses and I have to add my two cents. First of all (to the chick that asked if your daughter would be happier with 2 loving parents) No,not if those parents couldn't get along. At least not in the same houshold. Have you asked him to go to marraige counseling? I agree with the person that said your duaghter is the most important, but you should be ranked right up there too. I like the idea of sending your daughter to her grandparents for the night, do that, make a nice dinner and have a serious talk. tell him how you are feeling, and let him know your considering a divorce, good luck and I hope it works out for the best.
2006-10-21 04:07:57 · answer #3 · answered by victoria E. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your daughter is the most important, second, he has to work to put food on the table. Feel lucky that he does both. You have to have the emotional support from him as well though. That is a necessity in any marriage. If you truely think divorce is the answer, and you are not happy, file it anyway. He cannot stop you from getting a divorce, he can only drag it out for so long before you get those divorce papers in hand. It took a year and a half for me, but it did get done!
2006-10-21 03:42:57 · answer #4 · answered by JJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you love your husband?
I see a lot of selfishness in your statement. "I" wanted a divorce. Obviously, he didn't. So it wasn't "WE". "I" have been married... Not "WE" have been... "I'm" not happy at all. Not "WE" are not happy... Yet it is "our" daughter...
(Sorry if I seem cruel... I just want to get a clearer picture here and hopefully help you get to the bottom of things before you file. I don't think it is hopeless.)
So what has gone on in 5 years of marriage. There is a daughter... There is work... What I'm not understanding is that he has the mindset that there is a defined unwavering realization of what married life is supposed to be.
You said his answer is... "Married life is like that.." Like WHAT?
Life is not set in stone. I assume he's an engineer or something in mathematics...
Ask him, point blank, what are the parameters of HIS part of this life? Does he go to work? Does he play with your daughter? Walk the dog? Take out the garbage? IS THAT ALL?
Where do you fit into the schedule of his day? Remind him of his VOWS made in covenant with God. "To love, honor, cherish, obey??? For sickness, health, richer, poorer, better, worse, foresaking all others from this day foreword til death due us part."
How is he showing "Love", how is he "honoring", How is he "cherishing"... Who is he "obeying?"
What does that mean to HIM? What does that mean to YOU?
Marriage is not for sissies... You don't enter into it thinking life will be perfect because of it. Marriage is WORK... You have to work at it. This is the challenge of bringing two seperate people together from different backgrounds with different expectations and try to fuse them together as ONE...
What were YOUR expectations? How has he not fulfilled them? Likewise what were HIS expectations? How have you not fulfilled them?
Also, complaining? How would he like feedback? Should you fill out a card or something to tell him when things are wrong? Maybe you should let things go to the point that it explodes.
Let's demonstrate absurdity by being absurd. The bathtub is clogged, so should you let the water back up out of the tub until it floods the house? WHY didn't you call the plumber or try to unclog the tub? Well I didn't want to complain.
I'm assuming if you have the money, you've gone to a marriage counselor to talk this out. If you don't have the money, I'm sure there are counseling centers at certain churches in the area.
The first thing that you should ask is how many times has the counselor been divorced/married?
Don't give up the ship, it sounds like it's sturdy... I'm thinking "the captain" in his briliance has set a course without taking the storms of life into account knocking it off course... The Two of you have some work to do... He's a workaholic, tell him to start working on this long neglected relationship...
Married life is not set in stone, it's what the two of you put into it... Sort of like a recipe for soup... What ingredients do you wish to put into is??? I see he likes water and onions... Is that the type of soup you wanted? You added some chicken, tomato... No spices??? You don't want celery? Fine, limit the celery...
If all else fails to get his attention... Meet him at the door naked and ask him if this fits in with his definition of "married life"? What's wrong with me? I married a husband that was supposed to pay attention to me... If this is the only way that I can get your attention that I have needs other than financial... So be it... I want desert FIRST tonight... Here's a Viagra, a couple of aspirin, and a glass of water..
You be upstairs in 15 minutes... This is my definition of married life... You shouldn't complain!!!
2006-10-21 05:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by James B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what it is like in your state. I had no choice. My husband filed for divorce. I think since I wouldn't sign the papers right away (he had to pay me support)...it went on for about 2 years untill it more or less became final. But he did learn that since he filed he paid for half of my legal fees. Be careful and make sure this is really what you want. I believe marriage is for life also. I'm not in the best marriage now, but I realize that marriage has it ups and it's downs. Try to pick a night out on a calendar as a "date night". Send your daughter to her grandparents. Make it an evening just for you both to get to know each other again. Things have improved with my current husband and I since we have date nights. It is something to look forward to. Don't you want your daughter to grow up in a loving home with 2 parents? Please think of your daughters needs a little too.
2006-10-21 03:48:30 · answer #6 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Married life should NOT be like that. You are a very important part of the marriage. You are the wife and the mom. You are the very glue that holds everything together. You deserve ATTENTION!!!! To your husband, you should come BEFORE work and your daughter. You both should provide loving and attentive care to your daughter equally. BUT, your husband should make lots of time for YOU. Special quiet time in the evening...weekend dinner dates occassionally. Stuff like that...if he can't see that , then something is definately wrong.
He is not concerned about your feelings...is that true love??
2006-10-21 03:41:57 · answer #7 · answered by Author Al 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at first i though you will say "he is abusing me", "he is beating me harshly", "he cheated on me". but instead he is giving more attention to YOUR daughters and work (The Money that will help your family survive).
what kind of wife are you? . these things can be worked out. or Americans are used to the word "divorce" or "dump him". the rate of divorce is going too high these days.
you stay with your husband and help your daughters, give attention to your daughters as well, and help him to succeed at work. there is something called vacation from work, or personal holidays, or week-end. do something together in these days. what you just mentioned are not an excuse for the divorce, and your man did the right thing for not divorcing you. he seems way too mature and way wise than you. maybe if you marry a loser who comes home drunk and beat his wife and his kids, then you will change your mind about your husband.
2006-10-21 04:49:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communicate with your husband and tell how you feel about this marriage and work things out. I think it would be better this way. If there is no choice then you may consult a lawyer on the procedure for divorce. But remember in any divorce case the one get hurt most is the kid.
2006-10-21 21:37:27 · answer #9 · answered by Forgettable 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want a divorce file -- if he isn't giving you attention or listening to your issues did it ever dawn on you he may want you to take action and file so he can walk away without feeling guilty?
bottomline is you have to be happy don't wait until you have an affair or something to fill a void and then you are emotionally damaged and he has a REASON -- make your choice while your head is clear and concise with what you want -- he can't stop you.
wish you the best because no matter what you are about to face a tough road for yourself and your daughter.
2006-10-21 03:49:09 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont need his permission to divorce him. Its called an "contested divorce" where one party is contesting or fighting the divorce because they dont want it. It could get real ugly and nasty depending on him. If you dont have any charges of child or drug/mental abuse against you, then the courts will award you custody of your daughter, the house, child support and possible spousal support and he will get state mandated child visitation rights. You just need to file for it, get a protective restraining order if needbe, and he will be served usually within 72 hours of a court date and then what he does is up to him. You will have to prove to the court why you should be granted a divorce and such, but just be prepared for him to do anything and dont agree or sin anything from him or his atty if he gets one. Sorry to hear about your divorce and good luck
2006-10-21 04:21:46 · answer #11 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋