My husband came home one day and told me after 2 years of marriage he didn't love me anymore and never loved me when he married me. We were together 5 years and I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. He also walked out on my son, without even a goodbye or an explanation. I still do not know to this day why he left, and am still struggling with my emotions with mostly consist of sadness and rage.......my question is this......how does one forgive something so totally unforgiveable to be able to move on with one's own life, and hopefully to some sort of happiness?
2006-10-21 03:17:21 · 13 answers · asked by Rose T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am so sorry this happened to you. Maybe there was something else going on with him & he said those mean things to you so it would be easier for him to leave. You need to put all of your energy in raising your son & keeping him happy. You're better off with out this guy. Find reasons to make yourself happy. You deserve it.
2006-10-21 03:21:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, Sounds like there was a lack of communication. I don't know your story but from what you said, maybe it's not you, but him. Either way, whatever the details, the way I forgive is first just do it. I am a Christian and I understand the "command to forgive" Even though I forgive as a command does not mean that my heart / emotions want too. I can still be as confused and hurt as ever. I ask God in prayed to help me forgive the rest of the way. For me, I have discovered this is a process, and God is very patient. There are times when it is not possible to forgive a specific person in person too. If he won't talk to you, I would forgive him in your heart (this is so you can move on) and go to God for the rest. I can't give any other advice, this is the only way I know. I will pray for you. My best to you. Diana
2006-10-21 03:30:25 · answer #2 · answered by Red! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that happened to you. I would guess everyone else that you talk with is too. You have some tough decisions to make. Would you take him back if he asked you to? Why? What would it take for you to take him back, if you would? Would those things happen?
Depending on your answers the next series of decisions are about you. What are you going to do now? You have to decide to move on with your life and that you don't need him to make you happy. Your son is depending on you to help him. What matters now is you and your son. He needs you. How are you going to move forward? That is up to you. Hating him only hurts you and your son. Get rid of the emotions about him. Make him a non event. He is just there or not. He is just another person in the world.
It is hard but necessary. good luck
2006-10-21 03:52:04 · answer #3 · answered by questor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to grieve the loss of this relationship before you can forgive.
when there is a death of someone you love, there are stages of grieving. you will go through similar stages as you adjust to the reality of your relationship being over. (stages are shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance... and you can go back and forth between them...)
when you are ready to forgive, the feelings of resentment anger hurt and betrayal will come back to you.... and this is why many of us are slow to forgive. we fear feeling all the "stuff" about it... and it is necessary to feel it all so that it can be released. to forgive is to let go of the past and move forward.
its good to remember that forgiving doesnt mean forgetting, nor does it condone what your husband did.
it is for your healing.
forgiveness empowers you and decreases the control your husband has in your thoughts. Once you forgive, he can't rent space in your head.
the process is different for everyone... maybe write a letter to him, get all the anger out and the hurt, and end it with best wishes for his path in life as you let go of him and pursue yours.
you dont send the letter... you can burn it and release all the emotions as you watch it burn.
i have done this kind of ceremony before with things in my life and it helps. the trick is to remain in present, because (in my experience) your mind will want to dredge it up again just to make you angry again.
Life is short! Live in the now and give yourself affirmations like "I am healed from this relationship and I am whole." Might sound a bit nutty but trust me these things work.
2006-10-21 03:33:01 · answer #4 · answered by maggiemae821 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a hard one, and im sorry for you. that happened to a friend of mine also, but she didnt have a child from him. thankfully. i dont think you can ever forgive him, butfor the childs sake dont let him grow with the hatred in his heart for his dad. maybe somewhere down the road the dad will want him back in his life and all kids need both parents. seek advice from his family. keep your son involved in their lives. just cause he left dont mean you have to leave the family. this way when you seek comfort with them and with your child they will at least be the ones to give him the hard time on it and it will be out of your hands. it will take a while, but you need to learn to love and trust again. i wish you the best luck in the world on this!
2006-10-21 03:24:00 · answer #5 · answered by countrygalsline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only advice that i can give to you is forget everything you have your son take care of him. now he is the only thing that should be on your mind about your ex husband dint try to find the reason why he left just take it and be strong you can find somebody there is always some around the corner just look for it.
and dint cry about the past live in the future happy as you can be after all we have only one life lived as you wont.
2006-10-21 03:23:27 · answer #6 · answered by markokaleovskicemerski 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He left because he wasnt happy, there is alot of that going around these days,, Time heals all wounds, take care of your son, and someday you will find true happiness
of course in the mean time, take the slump to court for child support
2006-10-21 03:19:19 · answer #7 · answered by rich2481 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a man that this has just happend to in a similar way i can understand your feelings but i can only say that you must try and forget the past although it is hard and move on to me it sounds as though you are blaming yourself for this but that is far from it dont work yourself up over questions like why has he gone or why did he marry me if he didn't love me. hope this helps
2006-10-21 03:28:00 · answer #8 · answered by iain g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl, you don't. this is not like a teenager's broken heart where it could be healed easily. this is a knife stuck in your chest. have a good cry. once you let most out from your system,concentrate on yourself. do things you want to do. try not to stay home alone that much. your thought will return if you're by yourself. there are things that you want to do and things that makes you happy. do that.
2006-10-21 03:24:56 · answer #9 · answered by harmony 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to come to the realization that you are better off without him if he didnt love you. And be happy that he didnt waste any more of your life than he already did.
2006-10-21 03:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋