My husband and I have not had any luck conceiving, and I have been secretly relieved. Now we are at the point of taking fertility treatments and everytime I take the pills I feel sick to my stomach about it. Marriage is supposed to grant the privileges of companionship, a socially-acceptable sexual outlet, and procreation. I don't want to deny my husband children since he is so excited about this, but I really don't want to go through with this, either.
2006-10-21 03:15:39 · 14 answers · asked by Ellen 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
My husband and I have not had luck conceiving, and I have been secretly relieved. Now we are at the point of taking fertility treatments and everytime I take the pills I feel sick to my stomach about it. Marriage is supposed to grant the privileges of companionship, a socially-acceptable sexual outlet, and procreation. I don't want to deny my husband children since he is so excited about this, but I really don't want to go through with this, either. Other factors: He's 37, I'm 35; we're sort of getting old. At 25 (wedding) I thought I couldn't wait to have kids, but now I teach high school and feel maxed out. I love my job and the kids but have to pour so much energy into teaching, even at night and on weekeds, that I know I could not spend appropriate time at home with a child, and I see the results of lousy quality time all day at school. My husband is very supportive of me, and great with kids. The light in his eyes when we talk about conceiving is so beautiful but awful..
2006-10-21 04:38:36 · update #1
Talk with him about it. How long have you been trying to conceive? Maybe try this first Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH, and Taking Charge of Your Fertility Software.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go through fertility treatments, they are rough.
However, you really don't want to have children you need to talk to your husband. You don't want to resent the child when it comes along after all. That's not good. Or is it that you just don't want to be pregnant, do you want to adopt?
Whatever it is that you are looking for you really need to communicate with your husband. Communication/Honesty is the key to a healthy relationship after all.
2006-10-21 03:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by SNK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to tell him! It is not fair on him, you, or any baby that may be concieved to go through with it without the very best intentions of raising a much wanted and loved baby. If you do go through with it, you will end up a high risk of post natal depression and major resentment of the baby. With such negative thoughts you probably are not in a prime condition to get pregnant anyway, but seriously, you need to quit right away. You cant go through with something so major if you dont feel right about it.
2006-10-21 03:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont make children you do not want. BUt also realize that these sorts of differences cannot be reconciled. A marriage cannot survive where one spouce longs for children, and the other longs to avoid it at all costs. At some point resentment will set in, either for the lack of children, or the presense of children, and it will tear you two apart.
Thats why cousiling before marriage on this subject is SO important. Its natural to marry for the sake of procreation, and in many cases its unnatural for a person to marry without having children at some point. Many people are not able to come to terms with not creating a legacy.
You two should get therapy, talk the issue out completely, and try to reach a conclusion. But dont string him along. If you're going to wait a few years and try again, be willing to cut him loose if your mind and intentions have no changed, so that he can fulfill his desire to create a family.
Ive been in that situation, and you cannot imagine how horrible it is to be so completely in love with another person, and to have a image of a family with that person, except they have no desire and even distaste at the thought of their children. To the spouce who wants children, theyre as real to them as you and I, and your unwillingness to desire them causes extreme personal pain.
You two need to take this extremely seriously. Dont create children that you cannot mother to the best of your ability, that is also unfair. Some times two people just arent meant to stay together, and in the case of making a family it really brings that into light.
2006-10-21 03:21:39 · answer #3 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I wouldn't suggest doing it if you are not happy about it. You should wait until you are both equally happy about making a baby. Try talking to him & really pour your heart out, telling him why you want to wait, why you think it will be better if you do it later, etc. Don't hold anything in. That one little detail that you hold out might make the world of difference when it comes to him understanding your reason for not wanting a baby at this time. I am sure he will be disappointed, but if he loves you, he will try to understand & support your decision. Hope this helps you & good luck. take care!
2006-10-21 03:20:17 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wrote, "Marriage is supposed to grant the privileges of companionship, a socially-acceptable sexual outlet, and procreation."
Marriage is also about communication.
2006-10-21 03:19:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if you cant have kids the old fashioned way then you dont want to have kids. Maybe look into adopting or become a foster parent. That way you are helping children in need and get to experience life with kids but the same time they arent yours and will eventually leave for another foster home or you can chose to adopt a foster child later.
2006-10-21 03:35:23 · answer #6 · answered by Educated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That relies upon to 3 volume on who's going to be doing the final public of the childcare. if to procure pregnant now, you might have 2 toddlers below 2, and that's quite some artwork. despite the fact that in case you does no longer be staying domicile with the two youngsters, yet quite in case you have been, you have the spectacular to attend, and you ought to tell your husband which you relatively prefer to.
2016-11-24 21:05:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't sure you want children, you DON'T want children!! Do not get pregnant. This is the opposite of what most couples experience when the woman is the one not wanting children. It's a disservice to have children at this point. Change husbands if necessary, but don't ruin several lives (his, yours, the kids, grandparents) by having unwanted children.
2006-10-21 03:19:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like something that should have been discussed prior to marriage.
A solution: adoption! Your husband gets a child and you won't have "to go through this, either" (I assume you are talking about pregnancy.)
2006-10-21 03:18:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
becoming a parent is a huge responsibility, and if you are not ready then you should not become a parent yet. you need to talk to your husband and let out your true feelings about this, if you don't it is not fair to him, you or the child that you are not ready to have.
2006-10-21 04:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋