should you stay in a marrige just for the kids?

Question

my wife cheated on me. i want a divorce but i dont want to lose my kids. i dont think i will ever trust her again and i think about it every day. its been over a year and i still hold a grudge. my 1st wife did the same thing. we divorced and i missed so much of my oldest childs life because it was a nasty divorce. she used my child against me.

Answer 1

Please don't waste your life in an unhappy marriage. It doesn't sound like u will ever get over it (and I don't blame u) so do u think it's healthy for your kids to see u going through that everyday? And don't think kids don't feel unhappiness in the home, they do. So the true question is are u staying for your kids or for the fear of what u may miss out on? Go to court and make sure u get proper visitation rights so u will see your kids on a regular basis. Your kids will then see a Dad who is happy again and can focus on them and the good things in life. You have tried for a year, enough is enough. Go out there, start a new life for u and your kids. A split is hard on kids but when they see the change in u it will only benefit them in the end. Good luck, I wish u all the best.

Answer 2

Every situation is different. There are no right answers. Staying in a relationship for the children probably doesn't help anyone. Using the children to get at the other partner is wrong. I think when people separate the children have the right to have contact with both parents and an agreement should be reached where the childrens needs are considered first. Separation can work if the children are able to spend time with both parents with out any games being played. I admire people that can do this. Children need both parents but not necesariy at the same time. No contact is damaging. The best outcome might be if you could get over your grudge but the time has to be right for that and I can understand why you feel you can't.

Answer 3

You must ask yourself what it is that you value the most or what will make you the most happy. If you truly feel that your current wife will withhold the kids from you or keep you from seeing them and you value your time together more than you do the prospect of finding someone else to love or be with, then yes stay in the marriage. But, don't just give up. Talk to a lawyer. What is the likelihood that you could sue for at least some custody of you children. I mean she did cheat on you, not the other way around. Could you use this fact to to gain some leverage? Also think about whether or not the children will be able to sense and pickup on the tension between you and your wife. Kids are perceptive; they will know if things aren't right between you. Do you think this will negatively affect them? Quite often it is best for the kids' longterm happiness for two parents who don't love each other to go ahead and divorce.

The bottom line is that if you can't live with and resolve things with your wife, this will shine through and your kids will know it. This may translate into them becoming unhappy. Which do you value more: their happiness or yours? Don't want to sound mean or not understanding, but think about what is best for the kids.

Answer 4

I'm am not married but i seen many married people.

From what i read its sounds like you have more fear than love for your wife.

I say do your research: do all that you can. Talk to lawyers and maker sure you have proof that she's a liar or is twisting the truth.


If you dont want to lose your kids, the state and the law will give you equal rights if they see that your a good father and the enviorment in which they'll visit you is a safe and happy one.

If you dont love your cheating wife then do your research on getting custody\joint custody. You have to be a better father in order for the state to give you any leeway.


Do not stay in the marriage for the children when its the right time explain to that you and mommy cant stay together but they'll always have a mommy and daddy who loves them.

My cousin parents wont get a divorce because of the financial end of it: they hate each other guts and the kids know it, feels it: it'll be a worst enviroment for your kids to be in with my being untrustful and daddy worrying: it leads to fights, fights leads to emotional scars

If you really want whats best for you and your kids: What can you do to repair the marriage: or part ways.


My brother went through what your decribing: his wife lying and stating he's abusive (which he never laid a finger on the skank), what he had to do and what you have to do in order to have the best possible chance in seeing your children, if not gaining custody is research the law on families and child custody, what can and cant be done, and making sure be on your best behavior, and record any conversations that you can (make sure its legal to do so before you record a conversation with your wife), talk to a judge, or a lawyer what ever is less money, just to gain information. It the most powerful piece of protection you can have.

Answer 5

please don't stay because of the kids! the kids realize something is wrong even when you think they don't. have you tried counseling or really the bigger question first is DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE? Are you in love with her? If you are then seek counseling but whatever you do don't make your children a factor for staying in an unhealthy relationship. if you can not make it work then at least try to make it as amicable as possible. your wife really shouldn't have too much to say if she cheated as long as you are FAIR...usually one party husband or wife becomes unfair and that is where the nasty ways seep into the divorce.

good luck and i wish you all the best this is tough. :(

Answer 6

You are in a tough situation and I think first of all you should go talk to a lawyer just to see where you stand and get the legal aspect of it. As for staying in a marriage just for the kids....Dr.Phil always says "it's better to be from a broken home than to live in one". If you are arguing in front of your children that's got to stop. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for and what they're going through now will affect them later on in life. If you want your marriage to work...seek counseling! It would be worth it to try and save your family. I would do everything possible to make it work before you walk away. Get as much information as you can then make an informed decision. I wish you the best and hope it all works out for the best.

Answer 7

This is a decision only you can make.

Personally, were I married with children, I would stick it out - not because of the fact I might miss the children, but because if my parents had parted I would have suffered grievously.

I always feel sorry for the kids when I see a couple separate, and I regard it as nothing short of betrayal by the parents - but then maybe I am old-fashioned!

Answer 8

Man, don't stay in any situation that you are not happy in. That's only gonna make you go crazy. as far as the kids are concerned, maybe you guys can work out an agreement. It's always worth a try.

Secondly, why do you think women keep cheating on you? Is it something that you are doing or maybe not doing? You might want to ask you wife why she did it and see if you can talk it out before you say good-bye.

Answer 9

this is an perplexing question because you don't say how old the children are. i stayed in a loveless marriage far to long for the sake of my two boys. it was only when the oldest one who was 17 at the time asked me why i was killing myself by staying. He said if i was staying for him and his brother i was staying for the wrong reason. time proved him right, my x used my kids against me also, but i took the high road refused to go to her level. as a result when the children where considered old enough to decide for themselves, even thou i had won custody, they told the court that they wanted to stay with me. i leaned from my children that staying in the marriage for the sake of the kids does not work because they are the first to know that the marriage is over .

Answer 10

Would you rather eat dirt than missing a moment with your child? Would you be willing to sacrifice YOUR life for your child?

If you answered yes to these questions, stay in your marriage BUT forgive your wife and live your lives always for the benefit of your child. Your children NEED THEIR FATHER.

People are human. They have needs and they also make mistakes during life. Who are we to judge them? Is one mistake greater than another? Your marriage vows say for better or worse and cheating is the worst part of it that you have to swallow your pride and ride out. Love your wife because she is human. Forgive with love and understanding not judging her and taking it personal.

Don't break your kids hearts because you can't swallow your pride. Rise above that for their sake before their precious little lives are ruined because they don't have you.