Should we learn to be more tolerant, trusting, and forgiving, and less "judgmental" towards each other?

Question

Why do some of our friends keep constantly testing our loyalty, but react negatively when the tables are turned and the same irritating burden is placed on them? .... Is that possibly a sign of insecurity and/or self-centeredness? Or is that a telltale sign of a deep previous emotional scar that the person cannot shake off and is now residually projecting upon you? … How would you prove to someone that you are a true and loving friend, short of becoming a string-puppet of his or her constant "fidelity tests"?

THANK YOU PEOPLE - YOU REALLY HAVE BEEN "MEAN" TO ME THIS TIME!!! I MEAN, WITH SO MANY WONDERFUL ANSWERS, HOW CAN I POSSIBLY CHOOSE JUST ONE??? AND I REALLY DON'T LIKE PUTTING QUESTIONS UP FOR A VOTE! ...SO WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH THIS DELIMMA NOW, SHORT OF BASICALLY CHOOSING ONE AT RANDOM? :-(

I specially liked both "Misschatea" and "g3n1ouz0"’s answers, and I know they are both gonna kill me (lol) if I pick the other's answer!!!! :-(

So no matter what the outcome, PLEASE "forgive" me my friends!

Answer 1

With any relationship you must honor, respect, nurture, and love.
When people give of themselves it must be unconditional. Giving is the act of kindness. You must be willing to give without getting in return.

But when the return is great. Its called a friend.

The greatest passion of life is being a friend. Giving of yourself.

Not all people view it as that but ,if they did then we would not have such self-centered people.

I wont boar you with the details about people I know you know the difference.

The proof is in the pudding........ make the biggest bowl of chocolate pudding invite your friend over ~ get two spoons out and show your friend how much you care for them..

Conversation, eye contact, touch, flowers, soft music, and don't rush through one moment take time to smell those flowers.

Ever person deserves a person who is smart, warm, and caring.......

Answer 2

This is a difficult answer as many things must be taken into consideration here.
As far as I know though,
you shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone. Especially to your friends or they are not truly your firiends. A true friend is all that you said above, forgiving, tolerant, trusting, loving, plus a lot more. .
If they don't fulfill their end of the bargain I am not sure if they are firends at all.
True friendship is not acquired overnight but must withstand the rough moments and the adversities in order to be called "friendship".

One thing I know for myself is that I would never allow to be a muppet for anyones show .
I would much rather take part in a "shadow theatre" of my own.
As a wise old man once said.....

"All friendship is rooted in human neediness and defectiveness and is treasured only because and only to the extent that we hope to get from others things that we are unable to provide for ourselves".

I think he must have known what he was talking about.....being Socrates himself.

Answer 3

In answer to your first question ... I think that acceptance is better than tolerance! If we can accept ourselves, people for what they are, instead of putting up with them and differences (Tolerance) Then our life (And theirs) Would improve considerably! Tolerance to me means disdain such as "I don't like what you are but i won't kill you because i'm so good/so much better than you (Tolerant)

As for friends testing our loyalty ... This is a classic example of passing the buck! I don't trust myself/do not love/value myself enough so that! And rather than take a long hard look at myself in the mirror, become proactive and make necessary changes until i can feel good about me ... I'll remain as bad as i am (Easier you see) And pass on my feelings of self-loath onto others, as in projection. I'll test them because that way ... Gives me something to do rather than addres my own issues!

I don't know what your idea of friendship is but mine is that i'm no string puppet to anyone, would not accept to have a string puppet either! My friendship is based on trust and respect of others and that ... Can only be achieved by self respect! And friends testing you/wishing you to act as their string puppet do neither respect you or themselves. Not worth my friendship!

Answer 4

I would think those aren't "friends" who act the way you described.

As far as "fidelity tests", if you give someone a reason to suspect you are unfaithful, then best to take a good look at your actions. Maybe you don' t realize you are flirtatious or your body language gives an "available" flashing light.

I don't trust when someone gives me reason. If they don't give me a reason, I will trust them.

Answer 5

this could be a complicated question by way of fact it relies upon on: Who brought about the situation? Why did it take place? twist of destiny, understanding not extra ideal, malice? You provide too little innovations. in popular- each and each individual might desire to act in accordance to their very own extensive-unfold and do the final ingredient for themselves.the situation is that diverse human beings have diverse techniques at observing issues, like Egyptians speaking with Italians. that is not almost way of life, yet additionally age, traditions, point of view, dating, etc. you will possibly desire to learn why the different individual is performing that way, yet you have no longer any selection different than to objective to describe in case you could, and settle for in case you won't be able to. you will possibly desire to do what you have self assurance is the impressive ingredient so you might do on your very own activity in view which you are the only individual who might desire to stay your life.enable your sense of right and incorrect be your instruction manual. you will possibly desire to have confidence your self and settle for that the tip result won't be what you was hoping for in view which you could no longer administration what the different individual will do. you could choose whether to forgive or no longer, reckoning on the clarification for the situation. once you are the guy who did incorrect and could make an apology, you will possibly desire to settle for the punishment the different individual needs to grant you. the significant issues to undergo in techniques is that life isn't honest. each and every so often we are punished and humiliated as quickly as we don't need to be. there is likewise the question of whether somebody is utilizing their means over you for their very own activity. choose for your self what your options are, what's secure so you might do, and make a determination. possibly it will be top one, possibly no longer. All you're able to do is your ultimate. in case you will possibly desire to lose, that happens. then you definately can wish for a extra ideal day to come returned. l wish it is going to all paintings out properly for you.

Answer 6

we should learn to be more tolerent & less judgemental. My adivce about your friends though, is either deal with it & ignore it, or get better friends. Confront them & maybe they won't go behind your back. And it could either be them being a b*tch or they might have issues. Depends on the person.

Answer 7

You need to find yourself a new group of friends who understand the true meaning of friendship. Good luck

Answer 8

i know what you mean. its probably insecurity and the innability to be able to give your trust fully to someone else. you feel the need to constantly test it, but feel offended when someone does the same to you because you feel that the fact that you cant fully trust your friend doesnt mean that they might not be completely able to trust you.

Answer 9

We should all try to be more tolerant, trusting, forgive and less judgmental. I'm not able to do that just yet.

Answer 10

yes you should not go aganst them but you should be the leader of some things and if they are judging you they are not really your friend they just use you for the stuff you have