Serious issue?

Question

I married my wife about 4 years ago, I have 2 kids and we have one together.

I have many problems with her, she is extremely verbally abusive, this was directed towards me but latley she has been belittling my 12 yr old son.

When she is in a good mood, She is the nicest person, but to me it seems like she has two personalities, (less and less)sometimes she is caring about a lot of things, but many (more and more) other times everything seems to be wrong, I dont understand why.

She does these things and seems to have no concience about it. She is EXTREMELY resistant to discussing geting help. That type of talk just brings on her wrath.

My family is in trouble and I am in despeate need of help. I married her for better or worse and i want to help her.
sorry for writing so much.
tx

Answer 1

Buddy, first u has to understand that some ppl has their passivity out side, while most of us having it inside. Hold up to the nice moments, and try harder to get her help.

Answer 2

It sounds like the responsibilities of everyday life coupled with marriage stress is setting in and shes beginning to wonder if this is all there is. The trouble is that she knows she has a problem but is unwilling to do anything about it as it, to her, might make it worse. You can get counseling for yourself and the kids but it would be more of a band-aid covering but not really fixing the problem. She wont seek help til she is good and ready for it. Maybe you can get a family member or a good friend of hers to talk to her and maybe even go with her. She tries really hard to hide this inside but lets go when you mention it as she feels youre seeing thru her. Also, maybe just getting away for a weekend, away from the family environment and things may do a world of good and may even get her to open up to you. In other words she needs a day off from life to do some soul searching and put things back into perspective again. Something everyone needs to and should do every once in a while. Without over doing it, just make sure she understands youre there for her and when shes ready youll listen. Help her around the house and with the kids help too to show her thats hses appreciated and you guys want to help her out, itll help you in the long run. This may take a little time so please be patient with her. Good luck

Answer 3

Is it possible that your wife might have a mental illness that's untreated? The fact that she has mood swings might indicate that she has BiPolar disorder or that she has a personality disorder (Borderline). In any case, you should not tolerate abusive behavior towards you or your son. Tell her that if she wants this marriage to last, that you expect her to get a psychological evaluation and begin counseling. There is a thing called Battered Husband Syndrome too. If she won't go to counseling, then take your son and the two of you get some help. This situation sounds too toxic and I worry about the long term effects on your son if you continue to tolerate this.

Answer 4

You need to approach her when there arent people around. If she feels like you are attacking her in public, or lowering her position with the children, she'll go on the defensive, and you wont get anywhere. Also, when she belittles YOUR son, YOU need to put her in her place. She may not always remember that he isnt her child, but he will. Her behaviour will not only alienate her from him, if you allow it to continue it will alienate you and your son as well. He needs to come first. I notice you used the term 'abusive'. If her verbally abusive behaviour is directed at your son, you are the person responsible for allowing it, and you need to be his protector. As a child who saw this behaviour firsthand, please, please make sure you take care of your son, he comes first, and if not, he will only resent you later.
GoodLuck.

Answer 5

Well MR..when it comes to your kids having to go threw verbal and physical abuse then its time to take action and put a stop to it!! You can't seriously sit there and tell me that your going to allow this to happen..you either go to counseling with her and if she refuses then get your *** up get the kids and leave her..she does it cause she CAN!!.. She does sound like she has problems and by leaving her she might just get help..and by her getting help it might just save your marriage..your very first priority is the kids!!

Answer 6

Wel she needs help im sry to say things amd sir i dont mean to be rude. I may have gotten that way my self a few times so i cant blame her. She needs to go a theropist and relax. GO to the spa. Are there any times where u are making these things to start. If so try not to. Tell her u love her and tell her stuff like if our son wasnt hear wat would u do? if she still is having this problem she needs to go to a certain place....

Answer 7

Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it. Have you tried video taping her? She might not realize it until she sees it. Verbal abuse can be corrected. But she has to want it and she has to see it. You also need to find out some things that YOU can do (therapy, counseling or research) to modify your behaviour to help her stop this (assuming she wants to) Good luck

Answer 8

You have a serious issue here. Your children could grow up emotionally scarred from the verbal abuse. Your wife obviously has issues that she needs professional help for. Stand up to your wife! Your children need you to!

Answer 9

sorry to hear about your troubles, i suggest going to a counselor on your own. My best friend did this when his wife refused to go and I think it made him stronger and a better parent. Although they later divorced (she had someone on the side) the counselor helped keep the divorce smooth and helped the kids adjust.
Good luck.

Answer 10

You cannot help someone who refuses to admit they have a problem. Never ever allow anyone to abuse your children. Your children didn't ask to be born and endure this. As the parent, it's YOUR job to protect your children!