Pls. don't answer off the top of your head. I want answers from experienced, mature people, only. What if you married someone and years later, he tells you that he was lying about a fact of his life, and he lied to your loved ones, and he asked his family to lie for him, as well? Nothing very very important, but just a fact about him that if were not true, you would have seen him in a different light, thus, the way you would have come to know and interact with him, would have been different, had you known the truth from the beginning? What if he's so sweet to you on a daily basis, provides, is responsible, affectionate, but you're afraid because you know that if he were to lie about other things, you would never know, because you know that you really can't tell when he's not telling the truth? What if he's wonderful on a daily basis, but there are more than one thing/s about him that he led you to believe before you married, but you later find out are not true?
2006-10-21 01:19:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i read ur situation and i thought about it.ask ur self this.is what he done so bad that u cant be with him?do u see him different as in he is a liar or can i ever trust him?then ask him,what was his purpose in lying to you?was there a reason?maybe he done it to impress you,or maybe he done it because if he told you the truth you might not loved him as much or cant deal with him the way he is.sit down and talk to him.tell him how u feel.
2006-10-21 01:40:34 · answer #1 · answered by sweet_4_dale 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To have friends and family lie or keep a secret from somone you are going to marry, seems really powerful to me.
I am thinking that this person made a very big mistake in their life and that they wanted to move past it......But.... I would not trust people who lie for someone just to protect them,,, that is aiding and abetting... as far as I am concerned...
If he lied to you about one thing that was not really powerful and would not shake the foundation of your marriage then I think I could forgive him. If this presents a danger to you or the children then I would not trust him or his family... I would leave and take the kids with me...
There is a very fine line between people who are trying to cover up something from their past that they did and are sorry for and people deceiving those around them for their own glory...
I feel very badly that this has just come to light.
You have to decide if he has been truthful through the rest of your marriage or if you have seen little red flags or inconsistencies in your time together.. You will never be able to trust him if you don't deal with this now... I would like to know why everybody kept it from you???/ A family is your backbone and when you marry into one you expect to be given respect and truth... I understand how you would be upset.. You need to take a good look at his actions since you've been together and decide for yourself... No one can really tell you what to do.... you have to decide how important this is and if you will carry it with you forever against him....
2006-10-21 01:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one....
I just had more or less this conversation with my boyfriend.
I said I doubt if there is anything he could tell me from his past that would change how I feel about him. As long as it's not something huge like an ax murderer, or as long as it's not something that is current that he is hiding.
EVERYONE has a past. EVERYONE is human. NO ONE is perfect.
In theory, you want your mate to share EVERYTHING with you....
but in truth it's not always that easy. Even when you love someone with all of your heart (and it sounds like he does love you) somethings, for whatever reason seem best left unsaid.
If your daily life is very good, your marriage in general is happy, you have to seriously weigh your relationship with him against whatever "it" is. Only you can decide what you can handle....
But if overall he is a good man who made a mistake then I think the fact that he kept it from you is not an insurmountable obstacle in your continued marriage. If it's just one thing, let it go.
But it sounds like you have a good life and a happy marriage. This is something the two of you need to have a real talk about.
Good luck.
♥♥
2006-10-21 01:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by leavemealonestalker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before I married my husband I lied about being in a band, and also lied about having children, when in fact I had none. I often ask myself why I did that... I really believe it was for attention. Anyway I have to live a Lie now because if the truth came out I think he would leave me. I have not lied about anything else to him since the early days of the relationship. Once I fell in love I just couldn't lie to him. So dear I wouldn't worry about him continually lying to you because he is probably glad its off his chest. Just have a long heart to heart with him and let him know your worries and concerns......Hope it helped
2006-10-21 01:27:10 · answer #4 · answered by nikalby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in this situation with my first husband. The lie was huge. I asked him for years to tell me the truth and finally he did then I had to leave him because I could not trust him anymore and he became violent. You will need to decide for yourself if you can get past this and have a good life together. Only you can answer this question. Maybe some counseling would help you. Good luck
2006-10-21 01:23:54 · answer #5 · answered by kelsey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're upset, but you are still trying to justify what he did.
Your marriage was built on a lie. Not knowing the seriousness of the lie, I don't know what to say. Whatever it is, it seems to really bother you. It is very bothersome that his family took part in the lie. What does that tell you about his upbringing? Get counseling and either try to get over it or divorce him and move on.
2006-10-21 01:28:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this matter is only a trivial one then it all lies on how much you really love or care for partner as in my mind a small thing can be forgoten about if it were something like murder then that would be hard i myself was accused of an affair but with time managed to forget the hurt it caused
2006-10-21 03:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by iain g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends what they lied about i suppose and how significant it is to you.....I don't particulary appreciate people who lie and find that they are always the type of people who have low self esteem and mental health problems.......guilt is the other one....find out why their so within themselves that they can't find it in their wisdom to tell you the truth, and don't take no pansy answers.....
2006-10-21 01:36:15 · answer #8 · answered by David M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your able to put up with his lie then don't worry about it, If it was me and he lied from the beginning , then that means that he isn't the man that you married. But you are the only one that can say what you need to do. but you do need to think about and it and act upon it.
2006-10-21 01:33:35 · answer #9 · answered by swilliams63@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only question I have for u is: Are u still in love with him? Does he still treat you with respect?and u don't have to answer this but....How serious are the lies? well if it is anything criminally related leave him now, if it is not serious then u have to evaluate the pron ans cons.
2006-10-21 01:26:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋