looking for a good joke which can make me laugh until die!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Answer 1

a drunk was in helicopter and when he feel cold he close the FAN
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAY

Answer 2

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil
is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have
no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you
what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad
as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool
of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and
over, such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't
think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked
on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does
best.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I
can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

Answer 3

Happy Halloween

An elderly couple decide to attend a Halloween party. The old woman goes into the bedroom to change into her costume and comes out stark naked but she has a lemon between her legs.
Her husband is shocked and says. "Hey you can't go out like that!"
The woman says, "Sure I can. It is Halloween and we can go out as anything we want."
So the old man goes into the bedroom to change into his costume. A few minutes later he comes out totally naked but he has a potato hanging from his private parts.
His wife says, "Hey you can't go out like that!"
And he answers, "Well you said we could go as anything we want and if you can be a Sour Puss then I can be a Dick-Tator!"

Answer 4

What is black and white and red all over ?
Ans. A newspaper.
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Ans. Wave at her
If girls with big boobs work at hooters where do one legged women work?
Ans. I Hop

Answer 5

Here 4joke 4u.


Once Upon a Time Little Red Riding Hood...

Once upon a time Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest to her grandmother's house. She was carrying a basket full of wonderful goodies for her and her grandmother to eat...
she also had a big gun to protect herself in the woods.

One day Little Red Riding Hood came upon a Fox. The fox looked at Little Red and says "Little Red Riding hood, what are you doing walking in the forest by yourself. You know if the wolf catches you he will rip your clothes off and fondle your titties."

Little Red sighs and smiles at the fox and slowly opens her basket and shows the fox her gun and says "No he won't, see I have a gun to protect myself." She smiles and skips away from the fox to her grandmother's house.

Little red gets deep within the forest when she comes upon a bear who wanders up to her and smells the yummy food in the basket then thinks to himself for a second and says, "What are you, stupid, Little Red? You know if the Wolf catches you alone in the forest he's going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties."

Little Red shows the bear the big gun in her basket and smiles, "No he won't I have a big gun in my basket ...." She pulls out the gun "See, nothing can harm me." Little Red smiles and skips to grandmother's house.

Little red finally makes it to grandmother's house...and knocks on the door...no one answers so she goes right in. She walks to the bed, sees the Wolf and screams as the Wolf yells, "Little Red Riding Hood, I am going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties!"

The wolf reaches out to her and Little Red smiles and pulls out her gun and yells, "No you're not! You are going to EAT ME, JUST LIKE THE BOOKS SAYS!"

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A Fishy Story


Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

------------------------------...

Golfing With Wife


A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.

Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough, another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and the green. Again he begins to rant and rave at what this dilemma will do to his score. He friend, wanting to please him, makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

"No," the man replies, "last time I did that I got two over par."

------------------------------...

Don't Lie to Mom


John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day... Don't Lie To Your Mother.

Answer 6

What do cows do for fun? They go to the Mooooovies

Knock Knock..Who's There?...Cargo....Cargo Who...Car go beep beep!

I know they're silly/stupid..but they always make me smile

Answer 7

What is little, has big ears, and a Trunk.
A mouse on vacation lol.