When we dated, he was a great and enthusiastic lover. As soon as I moved in he stopped being interested in anything more than getting his rocks off and playing footsie at night. He doesn't like extensive kissing, occassional pecks only, and has virtually no sex drive, at least not enough to last more than 5 minutes a couple times a month. I've tried to talk to him about it and improve it but it's not happening for whatever reason. I love him and want to stay with him , so please don't bother telling me to find someone else. I just crave physical touch from a guy. I miss it terribly, especially slow dancing. How do I satisfy this without cheating?
2006-10-20 21:08:36 · 17 answers · asked by kim b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make your house a romantic place to go home with for him (after all you're both living there and he won't mind), maybe that's what lacking for him to feel the romance with you. Make it romantic enough that he'd want to go home as early not to get his rocks off or play footsie but just to spend QUALITY time with you. Some suggestions: spread flower petals from the door to the room, light scented candles, have a candle light dinner which food you tried so hard to cook for, buy a sexy lingerie or wear a thong underneath your casual clothes at home... anything to eliminate the routines in your relationship since you moved in together. Name it, you can be as creative and kinky as possible just to have the REAL thing than do something on your own to satisfy your need for physical intimacy.
Never lose hope. Remember, there's always a way. goodluck! =)
2006-10-20 21:21:07 · answer #1 · answered by kamahalan_12 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it not good enough to say that you miss something as if it were a self-evident truth. What is it about the physical intimacy, specifically, that you are missing. What need is being fulfilled by the slow dancing, what feeling does it give you. Can you describe it? Perhaps you can suggest another activity that may cultivate the feelings you need.
Also consider the possibility that this feeling has it roots in the fact that you are not achieving an orgasm in these 5 minute escapades.
Is he just taking you for grated or is there something else going on with him. Relationships are dynamic and chaotic. Nothing in his behavior is completely separate from you and visa versa. Have you changed in any way that might cause you to send mixed signals?
Good Luck
2006-10-20 21:26:21 · answer #2 · answered by Al 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heard of the phrase "love and time heals all wounds"? Well it applies here too. Buy him a couple of books on the subject, go out to bars (acid bar's pretty nice) that sets the mood and if or when you talk to him about this.. dont just tell him there's a problem. Tell him how it's affecting you. Without actually saying it to him, he's gotta want to cook you dinner, have a glass of wine with you over candlelight so that it gets him into the mood as well. He's gotta enjoy it. He doesn't cause i don't think he knows what being romantic or intimacy's all about. You can teach him and although i know how, it's a pretty long process to type out. There are books though to address stuff like this. Sounds like he's just too comfortable and is taking your presence in his life for granted if you ask me. Another way would be to shock him into being more intimate but i wouldn't really recommend that unless you feel you're slipping away. A real threat that you "don't know what you want anymore" might just be enough to get him to WAKE UP. This would only work however if he really loves you and if he really wants to be with you. Then he might get his *** off the couch and do something abt it. Another perspective you might wanna look at is you. Are you not spiced up enough to have him excited? Always remember something. Another's reaction to you is a reflection of you. So if he's too comfortable.. where's the responsible angle.. whatchya do to make him too comfortable.. get it? I know one thing that definitely works though. A trip together to an island someplace might just be what he needs. Perhaps.. it might just be what you need too ; )
2006-10-20 21:23:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know,isn't it funny that for these cheating questions, (there are thousands of them here), you'll get absolutely NO right answers from us, only our own personal views. These answers are based solely on the experiences of the girl or guy answering. This ques. only asks for opinions from people who either feel bitter, or happy, lonely, ashamed, etc. Many never had a relationship ever, all kinds. you may get some temporary comfort here, which is very good,but only you decide and live with the results of your decision. If you (Ishouldn't have to tell a married woman this) touch another man or woman sexually it is cheating. No big mystery. If you tell him what you need, and he doesn't respond, then what in hell are you doing?? Don't give me that crap about "but I Love Him",ok? No, you do not. You are so needy and dependent on this guy, and insecure about being alone that you dance on in here and look for an approval to sneak out and screw around. Go ahead, I give you my full blessing, after you have done the right thing and told him you will. I doubt you have any intention to do that. You just want a f/b, just like the rest of us. Get honest. you don't have to goop up the situation with "poor little me's", and don't go and tell us not to suggest you find someone else, smartypants, that is what YOU are telling US! --R
2006-10-20 21:54:23 · answer #4 · answered by Raptor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try to talk to him again. let him know what your needs are as a girlfriend/wife. tell him how much you love him and want to stay with him. but you need more affection from him and would like to see him make an honest effort to be more romantic. even to do romantic jestures would help you. such as flowers, or cooking you breakfast in bed, or holding hands going for a walk. even coming up behind you when your doing something around the house to give you a hug and kiss you on the neck. give him simple examples so he can visualize them and see there would be no big effort on his part to give a bit more on his side. if this still fails to work then go see a relationship counsellor. find someone that can help you to communicate so he understands what you are going through. invite him along so the counsellor can be a mediator between you so he understands you better and you him.
2006-10-20 21:20:37 · answer #5 · answered by Jody SweetG 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him why he doesn't crave it as much anymore? More often than not they stop doing things they used to do because then they were trying to impress you so that you will stay...now it's like well I've got her she's not going anywhere. Make sure that it's not an issue where he's just not that into you or maybe it' s something that he should see a doctor about. Good luck!!!
2006-10-20 21:18:57 · answer #6 · answered by xxsanchabonitaxx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to tell you but if he is this way now he most likely will always be. You can try talking to him and let him know that you miss his touch and let him know how much it means to you. That may work and it may not. Some guys fall into a comfort zone and when they get in it sometimes it's hard to get them out. Give it a try' Tell him you need more of him. Good luck.
2006-10-20 21:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by Sarcastic Sid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, because if you don't your going to cheat. You have that itch now from what your saying. Talk to him about how important this is to you. Because if he isn't going to at least try, then it is going to be really hard for your love alone to sustain this relationship. Oh I just thought of this one resort that couples can go too and they actually help you learn new things to help you become more intimate with one another. Perhaps there are programs that you can check on. Sex therapists or even Relation experts can help you in this area. And your relationship can blossom.
2006-10-20 21:18:54 · answer #8 · answered by ncamedtech 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmm..i would recomend masturbating, but thats not very helpful,maybe another close friend? other than that i dont see any other method than to talk to him very sincerely. Theres just no other way, unless youd rather get another guy, which i doubt will happen. So just talk with him very sincerely. Beg him if you must lol.
If it still doesnt work, you could try a homosexual relationship, i mean is that still cheating? im not sure, Just talk with him, almost any matter can be solved with a sincere talk.
2006-10-20 21:19:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so it sounds like you are willing to stay with a man that only cares about getting his but not doing you any favors. It will only get worse down the road unless you take action now like couples councelling.
2006-10-21 03:26:06 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋