should I leave my husband?

Question

I have been married for 15 years. I pay all the bills, run the kids to their activities, do the housework or hire the maid....He Plays like a housewife. We have sex about every three months. (only when he is drunk) I feel lonley and I dream about having an affair. I don't want to hurt my children. what should I do?

Answer 1

Ouch... girl I went through this...make him leave it will be the best thing for you and your kids. You will find true love believe me you will. Good luck. LL.

Answer 2

if you have a affair you will end up feeling like crap. They are low in satisfaction and high in guilt. Don't badmouth him to the kids ever, that is more destructive than anything. I think this marriage is over, don't threaten just do. Get all your finances straightened out as best as you can, figure out what you need money wise to raise the kids until they are finished college and that includes everything, dance classes, judo classes, special dress for high school prom, dental braces. I take it you're the wage earner since you said he plays like a housewife. It might mean that you have to support his lazy butt for a while so he can get a job. Once you figure out your finances go find a good lawyer to serve him papers letting him know how soon he has to be out of the house and as soon as he leaves change all the locks and get an alarm system. Your children will be hurt whether you leave or not since they pick up all the bad vibrations. Little ones will start having nightmares or don't want to go to bed by themselves and older ones act out or get lower grades in school. Take care of your kids first and foremost.

Answer 3

Sounds pretty bad. I'd want to give that man a good hard kick in the ***. I'd be ripping-at-the-seams angry. But try counseling first before giving up on this. Divorce is more painful for your children than you probably realize and more painful over the long run than your kids will admit to you now.

I've seen so many people divorce and later regret it. Some of course don't especially those with alcoholic or abusive spouses. But you should get professional help fast!!

Answer 4

You make it sound as if all your problems are caused by your husband. If you have kids, a break-up will be very bad for them. Before you have an affair - which will lead to a break-up - ask yourself if what you had with your husband in the beginning is really gone. If it is gone, what killed it? Both of you too busy? Whatever, first thing is to see a marriage counsellor. Sounds simple, but it'll give you each a chance to talk about your unfulfilled needs to each other through the counsellor.

Answer 5

If your intimate with him every 3 months have you wondered if he is seeing someone else? If he is, you shouldn't stay with him for the kids. In the long run your kid will understand and it will be better for them as for you. I believe that intamacy, communication, trust and respect are the biggest parts of a relationship. If you don't have that talk to him. If there is not agreement try marriage of counseling before you think of leaving him. This always works and couples are always happier they tried working things out rather than filing for a divorce.

Answer 6

If this is as good as it gets after 15 years I think you already know the answer. First, tell your husband exactly how you feel because believe it or not, he may not think anything is wrong. It all depends on how he responds to the situation. While divorce is never an easy experience, especially for the kids, they will eventually understand.

Answer 7

if you have already talked to him and he still hasn't changed then maybe you guys should take some time apart so you both can have some time to gain a different point of view of each other if this doesn't work or you know for sure you don't want to be with him then go! no excuses! the kids Will still be able to see there dad and spend some quality time with him! so do what you feel will be best for you... after all u do deserve happiness even if its not with him!

Answer 8

you're making youself miserable. My fiance's parents just broke up last december becase they wanted to wait until the kids were grown. They said they had decided back when he was 13 that they didn't love one another anymore. He thought his parents were perfectly happy and was devastated to find ot that he and his brother were the reason that they maintained that unhappiness for YEARS! He was 22 when they finally split. He's okay not but he said he'd much rather that they had split years ago and found happiness before they were old.

Answer 9

you shouldn't leave your husband, communicate more and tell him exactly how you are feeling about the relationship you have. communication is key and also if determination and heart. I mean you been with the same person for 15 years why quit now, you can save this marriage, just get to know his side of the situation and explain your side and everything should be all good.

Answer 10

You should Both Go and Seek Help from Marriage Guidance!
You've Obviously got into a Rut and Communication has Broken down!

If you want the marriage to continue then you will BOTH have to work hard at re-establishing dialog within the relationship!

You will fight for Your marriage if it Really is Important to You BOTH!!

Answer 11

This is wat I am facing right now too! I do understand how you feel ,but be tough to your decision,at least you have sex every three month,I havent had sex with my wife for years,but for my kids sake.I still maintain the family.Be tough! Your kids will appreciate you when they grows up.Some guys may look matured enough but not in his thought, give him a chance try to talk to him in a soft way(man hav Ego), make him understand your position.I think thats is the best way to solve.Wish you the BEST!