Do women make the connection between family courts&sons?

Question

Nobody is saying a single mom has it easy i want to stress that and make it that very clear.

I do tend to think that a lot of women cannot immagine what it is like on the other side of family court fence.

Worse yet is the refusal to even try to walk in a mans shoes in the family court system .

Men say a lot of things from our perspective make sense andfrom our perspective are equitable however they are shot down without any consideration.

15to25 years from now a lot of your children will be grown males.They will face the same challenges that men today face.When your flesh and blood male becomes a walking wounded you may not have a perfect understanding at that point but it will be closer .I hope your sons dont go through what men are put through today. If they do i just pray that at least it tugs on your heart strings just a wee bit .

I hope and pray you make the connection .
I can only hope

comments questions suggestions

Authors note me and my ex do get along

Iam paying what the court has ordered me to pay generaly i have ;ess than 50$ to live off of the 2nd week of my paycheck

My ex is lenient on copays thank god for that

Answer 1

Some of us do. Now true I have a daughter not a son. And yes I do know there are difference but what I did in raising her could be applied to either gender child.
I made sure I DID NOT bad mouth her dad or her dad's side of the family in front of her. I only slipped twice in 2 years. I appoligized to her. I made a real effort not to inflect my point of view about him onto her.
Her dad did not come around as often as he would have liked but I never turned him away from our door. Even when he showed up at 9:30 or 10pm for a visit.
I tried to make sure he was aware of things like school events.

It does concern me to see so many people using the children as a pawn between them. My step daughters often feel like they are being torn between mom & dad. My husband has been working about being less vocal around his daughters concerning their mom. It is making visits better because the girls have a place here that is safe for them.

Hopefully she can come around for your son's sake.

Answer 2

Not all women would be in favor of the treatment that fathers often get. I think the people to blame are the people in the court system that disregard a reasonable agreement a couple may be able to work out and instead treats the case "assembly-line style" at best.

Men aren't the only victims, though. For every woman who is "out for blood" there are men who do the whole thing about calling the "mental people" on the wife who leaves. Either way, it should be the job of the courts to process the divorce in a way that is equitable, healthy and in the best interest of the children and, ideally, both partners.

In spite of the fact that our government is not supposed to destroy people and lives, it does it all the time with a court system that isn't interested in what makes sense, what is fair, what is just, or even what's in the best interest of the children. Its pretty much common knowledge that a couple who both have good work prospects can go for a divorce and someone ends up homeless and not able to work while someone else may end up in some other form of poverty. People can go into court believing that they can live separate without being a "broken family", but by the time the court is done sledge-hammering the people involved its a miracle if the family isn't shattered into bits.

What makes me laugh is that people in "The System" spin their wheels over how to reduce poverty and problems with children and whatever else - while all along it is "The System" that is creating poverty, "broken" families, and even health conditions (depression, anxiety, elevated cortisol levels that could cause health problems, etc.)

Anyone who has known anyone who has gone through a divorce is very likely to find what the courts do a sickening, shameful, atrocity put upon innocent families who thought that going to court would actually help the situation.

With divorce rates as high as they are it seems to me that the almost criminal behavior of the court systems is something that is way out of control to the point of being scary, as well as disgusting.

It isn't necessarily women who don't see the father's side. Even when they do the courts disregard what even reasonable people request.

Maybe you could start a website and have all kinds of horror stories from all over the country on it, complete with the names of the attorneys and judges who created the disaster.

There are groups involved with father's rights. You could do a search to find one in your state. I think you also have to dig your heels in and make sure that no matter how limited your time is with your children you will not allow that to make you feel like, or be, less of a parent. It takes more work to stay in touch with them, IM them, and spend nice time with them, as well as talking time with them; but if you don't dig your heels in and refuse to be put in the background somewhere your relationship with the children will suffer. It is possible to stay emotionally close to them, but it takes extra effort and some extra energy.

If you can think of any way at all to shame the court system or attorneys involved in your situation make sure you follow through on that. Spread their names around as often and as much as you can, and make sure your children know that any anger they have should be directed at the attorneys and at the judge. Explain to the children that these people have failed them, and that it is not your fault or even their mother's fault (the court doesn't have to let her have her way if she's unreasonable) that this crap has happened. Its better that they grow up not trusting "The System" than grow up resenting either of their parents.

Answer 3

My dad's a lawyer who deals with family court cases all the time, so he can probably answer this question better than me. But I'll say this: It's not just men who have problems in court. Women are lied about and get cheated and whatnot. As for hoping sons don't go through what men are put through today, I think men generally have it better. It's not too equal around here, if you get my meaning.

Answer 4

I couldnt imagine how hard it must be.
My daughters father actually hasnt had anything to do with my sweet daughter for nearly 4 years now. She is nearly 6. He doesnt pay a cent for her. I dont even know where he lives!
But that is him & you clearly care for your children. As a parent I honestly couldnt imagine how heartbreaking it would be to not see my kids everyday. Good on you & your ex for remaining on good terms. That was the worst thing I remember about my parents divorce (& even still to this day) the mean spirited attitudes from them both.
I hear you loud & clear on the courts though, my Dad was the one who raised us (four kids) & I can vouch that he didnt have it easy. It is much harder for men. My mother didnt pay a cent for us either.
Best of luck to you, be strong & know that your kids will one day know what you went through, they might already know :o)

Answer 5

I get chewed out all the time because I say child support should be abolished. I have worked child support and see how manipulated the custodial parents are. Also, I have seen how acquaintances treat their exes. Some of the custodial parents are male, but that is rare. The men who ask for child support are usually very petty and/or on Welfare. Most men who have custody of their children just go about their business and don't deny the child access to their mother.

However, with women it is a power game. They feel rejected and hurt and are going to make the men pay through your wallets and denying the child access to all of you.

I hate it when they start bad mouthing the opposite parent in front of the children.

Good luck.

Answer 6

definite. We learn our values from our kin difficulty and this has an effect on our minds, morality and thinking. we choose between those early studies which course we'd choose to persist with. to pass alongside with the way laid out via our forbearers or stuff them and commence afresh. Get the image.

Answer 7

the trick is not to have kids if you arent going to make a lifelong commitment, at least the kids life. I waited 33 yrs to leave.

Answer 8

Do you know what women fear the most, when they're going through the court systems? When all is settled and supposedly calm, her biggest fears is that her ex will come and kidnap the child/children and take him/her cross boarder where they can't be found.

Her concern is for the children, not what money she can get from the deadbeat dad. Her only concern is to feed them, clothe them, keep them warm with a roof over their heads. But she stll fears what the man may be quite capable of doing.

The media has placed such a bad view of "bitter fathers" who usually have enough money to "get back at the woman" by stealing the children during his visitations. His only recourse for doing such a thing is because of his anger, bitterness, of the "loss of control" over the woman.

Did you also know that many men don't give a rat's a** about the well-being of the child/children? Did you also know that many of the men who appear to be "concerned" are usually still just looking for ways to "control the woman?" Are you aware of all this? Do you wonder why women have fears?

My child is a boy. :-) I'm quite proud that he's taught to respect the human race in general. He'll grow up healthy, respectful, loving, caring, educated, just like my two brothers who treat women with a great deal of respect and understanding. :-)

My son is now four years old, but he knows that he's not going to be threatened by women, because he's going to know without a doubt, which women are going to be right for him.

At the age of four, he already knows how to take responsibilty for his own actions. He's not the type to "blame others" for things he does. When he grows up, if he ever fathers a child with a woman he doesn't want to marry, he is already being taught through being taught "responsibility", that he must take full responsibilty for the child, financially and emotionally.

When you raise children in a "safe environment", they are taught all the values and virtues of the couple raising them, they're not going to be angry, bitter men, running around blaming women for their own predicaments.

Bitter people should learn to accept that the relationship is at it's end and learn to move forward, without being bitter, continue to take part in the raising of the child. If you're not happy with the outcome of court rulings, then go back to court and have things changed. It looks better than whining about it in a Yahoo group.

Sadly, it's not really the children the men are crying about. It's the woman, his punching bag, his sounding board, his "convenient hole" that he wants to stick his pp in, his housekeeper... He often can't "control himself" so he tries to control his wife. His wife leaves, he's lost control of her, so he tries to strike her where it hurts, "her children". Even though they're also the man's, he's not going to really care enough to go back to court to attempt to take them, he's going to "throw himself a good pity-party" and try to get everyone to hate his wife.

Think about it. What's your real goal in all this? If it's your children, then go to counselling, deal with the pain, and work things out with your ex to have good healthy visitations. Take some healthy steps to build a good relationships with your children.

Quite often a man's biggest beef is "the separation of his money" and him. :-| If she's going to get some of it to help support her and her children, then he's also going to want "control of how she spends it". He has more difficulty separating from his money than with his family. :-|

Answer 9

Try askin' *my* friggin' in-laws that after my sons lost their father. It isn't just feudin' spouses who act unreasonably. Sometimes whole families get involved. Whether or not they were "invited" into the fray... :(