Since my husband started his job I haven't been agreeing to it since then. He keeps on going out late at night and gives me obvious lame excuse on why he need to go. Like he has to get his pay from his boss to a party?bring me to work (i work on a night shift) only, but he is so dressed up, and we've been arguing a lot for the past few months now. I feel like i have to give up on him already. I really want to. It was a huge mistake
2006-10-20 18:05:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to him about how you feel and try to find the answer together if you don't like his job ask him if he will be willing to give it up. You also need to ask yourself if that is the only thing that is bothering you. Sit down in a quiet place and write down all the things that made you fall for him, the good times, on what ways he's changed, if there's still that sparkle that he made you feel before. After you evaluate your answers, be honest with yourself and you'll find your answer. Either stay and try to work it out or if you think you can't and that you'll be better away from him. Then there's nothing there to fight for leave start a new life and look for your happiness. That's a right you have.
2006-10-20 18:19:08 · answer #1 · answered by nancy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 22/m married. My wife and I are happy with each other. We do have our problems but I have to admit and I'm sure what I'm about to say has been said so many times it's almost cliche but here it goes... The survival of marriage depends on three things.
Communication-
You have to talk, if something id bothering you, if something he is doing is hurting you tell him, not in a nagging, angry, combative way. Come to him and tell him "It's really important I need to talk to you, I'm not trying to start a fight, I just need to get it off my chest." "When you go out all the time it hurts me, it makes me feel like you don't want to be with me, I'm not telling you what to do or trying to sling guilt I'm just telling you how I feal." If you talk to him that way honey I can tell you if he really loves you and is devoted to this marriage, he will listen to you. You guys have to talk, don't sleep on it, don't put it off cause your tired or you don't feel like arguing, the longer you wait the more bitter you will get and bitterness is what kills love, if you wait pretty soon you will be so fed up you won't love him anymore and your marriage will be all but over.
Devotion-
You have to remember the vows you said. For richer, for poorer...you know where I'm going, when you sau "I, do" You have to except that love and marriage isn't all about the loving and kissing, and hot tantric sex. Really what it comes down to is the day to day crap the good and the bad the stresses the hardships. the measure of your love is not how much you adore eachother when everything is great it's the stuff that you do when everything sucks that brings people closer. Knowing that somebody is there for you forever, unconditionally even when your sick, even when your broke, even when you screw up and are being a shmuck. The reason you stay is be cause you love them and you've decided failure is not an option.
Love-
The biggest mistake people make in marriage is they think marriage is giving 50/50 it's not. You each have to give 100% you have to love that person and put their needs above your own, which may sound like your being a doormat, but imagine if at the same time the other person was doing the same thing. How wonderfull would that be?
2006-10-21 02:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by fordguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know relationships are tough and sometimes work. Have you sat down & really had a good talk with your husband about what is bothering you...and in a constructive way? I think both people in a marriage so easily give up on things without really communicating, especially if they are in love. The out is so easy these days...but no one can truly answer that question whether to stay or go... maybe counseling might help? Good luck.
2006-10-21 01:33:42 · answer #3 · answered by SMILEYGIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although i get what ur saying.. and i can definately feel your pain.. because well thats first "gut reaction"..
Now sit there and ask urself.. has ur husband ever done ANYTHING to make u believe that he'd cheat on u.. SERIOUSLY..
Because at this point, ur only upset with the "unknown" factor.. if u were on his arm going to these places with him seeing whats going on who he was going to see, ect.. and saw that it was true.. then u'd be ok right? so its the "not knowing what he's doing" that bothering u.. not so much that he's doing it..
Although it seems kinda lame , the excuses.. has he lied to u in the past? about major things? has he given u reasons to believe he'd cheat? And why dont u just go see if he is really up to what he says he's up to?????? Im sorry if i thought my marriage was going down the tubes based on "lame" excuses.. id want to see if im getting ready to throw my marriage away on "Maybe's" or if I was exactly right on my gut instincts.. first..
If he's telling the truth.. if he isnt doing anything wrong.. ur about to throw away ur marriage based on "What if's" an not only jealousy of what he may be doing, but also jealousy over a job that puts him in situations that have to make u wonder..
If he was working 14 hour shifts and different times of the day..at a factory of all men.. would u still be feeling this insecure in ur marriage? no, u wouldnt.. ur insecure because u dont know whats going on , what he's doing, who he's doing it with ect.. and ur risking ur possible happiness, on not taking the time to check it out for urself to see if he's actually doing his job, or misbehaving.. id rather know for sure, then to risk looking back 10 years from now asking myself if i was sure i did the right thing and what if he wasnt, did i just give up a good man because of a lousy job that "I" couldnt handle???
Do some covert recon operation first before you throw it away.. be sneaky.. check on him, see if he's lying to u .. first..u may actually be pleasantly surprised rather then extremely disappointed..
2006-10-21 01:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's never going to be perfect, in fact sometimes it may be horrible. Why did you get married if you knew you would give up at the first bad moment. I'm not saying anything is your fault. Both of you need to work to getting back to normality. You two need each other.
2006-10-21 01:11:30 · answer #5 · answered by Nep 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be innocent, it might not be...
Get yourself a life, either with old girlfriends, new girlfriends, whatever. Start going out, tit-for-tat. Maybe he'll start to reel-in his behaviour. Right now he's got you where he wants you, under his control, wondering what he's doing, and alone in his house.
If he's cheating you'll find out in time. If he cares or he doesn't, you will find that out quite quickly too.
Good luck!
2006-10-21 01:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by David M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no time like the present. I wouldn't put up with his late nights, is it really worth all the worrying? Find someone who respects you.
2006-10-21 02:14:01 · answer #7 · answered by mabell1025 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like something is up. If you don't love him, go ahead and give him up. If you care, try to figure some way of getting him to talk to you about it. To me, it seems like you don't mind giving him up anyway.
2006-10-21 01:08:56 · answer #8 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you care about trying . Ask him whats up? If he doesn't try with you them maybe you have to give up.
2006-10-21 01:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by mike_callie2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you follow him and see where or who he is seeing or going? or hire someone to do it for you. ?Sit him down and tell him how you feel .
2006-10-21 01:28:11 · answer #10 · answered by flwrgrl692001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋