Ok i know yes i took him back. At the time we had been together for 5 years when it happened. Now we are married, have a son and been together for 11 years. (since we were 15, now 27) well i have some unresolved questions about the sl*t he fooled with and i have her phone # and i want to know these things cause i know he will never tell me cause i kow he wants me (you know how that works)....
Do you think if i called her she would tell me? Would you do it?
I know it happened that long ago but i haven't forgotton and never will. I just wanna know what happened between those 2..
What would you do?
Thanks and please no rude remarks
2006-10-20 17:59:39 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i haven't forgave him for it...
2006-10-20 18:17:37 · update #1
I called her today and she told me what he had told me what had happened between them. For the ones that said i had no right in calling.. i had been with him for 5 years when that happened and i wanted to know for myself, didn't want to find with her or anything like that. It didn't make me feel worse. I asked her though why did she knowing he was with me and she gave the lame excuse "I was drunk" but whatever what goes around comes around and she was telling me how she was cheating on 2 weeks ago. well payback is a b*tch
2006-10-21 11:41:16 · update #2
If I were you I would tell my mate that the issue is not closed for your yet. That you still think about it after 6 years. I would ask for his help in answering my questions. If he is not submissive then I would let him know he didn't help any. I would ask her but still not allowing her to take over the conversation at all. I would let her know she is not a threat but you needed some closure in your mind and heart. It does not make you insecure in any way just curious as to why, what and how he cheated so you know it does not happen again because you would know the warnings. Let him know what you did and why, than move on.. Good Luck!
2006-10-20 18:10:40 · answer #1 · answered by monie42003 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am only 23 years old and have been married a year. While we were dating at 4 months he cheated on me because he thought I was going out with someone else which was not true. The next day I saw him with a hug hickie which he said a was a mosquito bite. STUPID right? Well I forgave him and still I have not forgotten and I would like to know if he slept with her which he would not tell me anything. If I had her phone number I would call her and want to know everything detail by detail even if I would be hurting myself in the mean time. If my husband says he loves me too much, I don't think it's that much if he won't tell me so to answer your question I already did. Yes I would and I know that if you call you will feel worse, but at least she will tell you what you need to know. Your husband will never tell you and please if he cheated on you once already becareful he doesn't do it again. I always wonder if he's not cheated on me while being married or even thought about it. Good Luck!
2006-10-20 19:26:58 · answer #2 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun........you won! Why call her and let her know that you are still concerned about a romp that meant nothing? If it had meant something he would not be happily married to you, with a beautiful son and have over a decade of caring for each other!
Why allow her to still hurt you? Let alone tell her that shes still hurting you. If his affair is bothering you so much and you are miserable then maybe you should have not took him back?
I know that the pain is deep, but for your sake alone try getting some help to get through it, or if you know that you never will then why live a miserable life?
My first husband had an affair, I knew myself, knew that I would never beable to trust him again, and knew that I didn't want to live or be in a relationship where I had no trust, so I knew that the best thing for me was to get out of it.
I went on with life, found another man, and so far after 12 years has not broken my heart or my trust.......I have often told him that if he ever has an affair.......I never want to know about it......and he better hope that I never find out......because be it 1 year after we've been together, and I don't find out until we've been together 20 I would end it, I can not live with a person that I cannot trust.
I will trust until he give me reason not to..........but never weather I ended it or not............ would I allow the other women to see or know that she has the power to hurt me! I would not want to know anything that happened between them......... Call it pride.......what ever but I would not give her the satisfaction of telling me anything about my man!
2006-10-20 18:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by pirate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
such a lot of humans say' as soon as a cheater regularly a cheater' however I do not believe that is regularly the case. There can regularly be an exception and it relatively is dependent upon how honestly your spouse regretted her movements. If she used to be relatively remorseful and being stuck out made her understand she relatively desired you and were an fool then possibly it'll determine when you consider that she will respect you extra now. It is dependent if she has real repented of this sin in her lifestyles. For your sake I desire so. Every character and dating is unique and also you absolutely believed your marriage used to be valued at saving. This is an admirable satisfactory this present day and I desire you're going to paintings via those problems and feature a far better dating than ever earlier than.
2016-09-01 00:19:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you do have a lot of questions, and you sound like you are still somewhat bitter. But knowing isn't going to give you any real closure. It may just make things worse, because the more you know the more you are going to want to talk about it with hubby, and all he wants to do is put it to rest. It is just going to create a big wedge between you. I'd suggest counseling. If hubby won't go, go alone. He should take some of the responsibility and go with you. Don't expect the other woman to be honest with you. She cheated with your man - do you think she's really honest? Besides, if you approach her she will probably just be defensive. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd still under your skin. And either let it go or get some help.
2006-10-20 18:52:26 · answer #5 · answered by Deedee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, number one NO I wouldn't call her. Why bring up the past, let it rest. Number two, if you have not forgiven your husband then your marriage is never going to last. Without forgiveness, you have an empty hole in the marriage. Thats one reason why you want to call this other women. Your trying to fill the hole. It will never work. If you call her and you get the answers to the questions you are going to ask, then what? Your just going to be turning the clock back 6 years and all the anger and hurt are going to return. Do you really want to put yourself through that again? I don't think so. Best to leave it alone. Even Dr. Phil says never ask questions about someones affair, he says it just brings on more problems than it's worth.
2006-10-20 18:35:32 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, sorry but ur time has run out on seeking the truth about an affair that happened 6 years ago..
And i doubt after 6 years she could remember very much about it, other then a few moments, so the answers ur seeking she may not even be able to answer for u, and if it was just a "fly by night" affair meaning it didnt last very long, she may not even remember ur husband all that well.. if it was only for a short while that it went on.. I think u need to chalk it up to what it is.. "THE PAST" you chose to forgive him, now u need to bury it deep with in u .. i know u'll never forget it, and i know u'll always wonder what really happened, but i think after so long, and the choice that u've made its best u dont know, sometimes we want to ask the questions, but we dont want to hear the answers.. and why dredge up something that is just going to possibly make u hurt all over again ??? especially now that u have a child.. Think worse case scenerio of what happened.. absolute worst.. ..how would u take it honestly..? if ur like most of us women u'd be angry, hurt, disgusted, sad.. and feel betrayed.. then what?????? Your marriage that already has a slight wedge suddenly has a huge gash in it, and who pays the price? your son!!! Let it go.. no news is good news and ignorance can be bliss.. with out knowing the answers try to focus on as much possitive then negative, think of the Best case scenerio then the Worst case scenerio.. Your son doesnt deserve for the past to be dragged back from the dead, and now affect his life.. and hun it very well could, because if u find out things u didnt know.. it could change the out look on ur marriage for good, and all that will do is destroy ur marriage, and ur son from being able to have the life he deserves, one with both parents happy.. u need to find away to leave the past in the past, u moved on.. u made choices.. u brought a child into this situation.. u now need to do whats best for HIM.. and not u anymore.. because your SON became ur priority the day he was born, not this stupid chic.. and ur wasting precious energy wondering about what if's and could be's on a woman who obviously doesnt deserve it.. when u should be focusing all ur energy in a possitive way to ur Son and to your "family" as a WHOLE.. dont let the past ruin ur future..
2006-10-20 18:14:09 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u took him back and it happened that long ago there is no reason for u to call her now. it's been over and done w/. obviously for u to still be w/ him there is sum kind of trust n the relationship. so i think with the lil bit of trust u do have for him and the trust he has for u, even though he's done u wrong in the past u can ask wat u want to ask him and expect nuthin less than the truth. but honeslty i don't think u should bring back up the past b/c more than likely it would mess up some things in y'alls relationship in the future... that is if u really care and if u truely love him and want the best for ur son. but if not go ahead and take the chance but at the same time if u're willing to take that chance u obviously shoulda never took him back and put urself in the predicament ure in now neway.
---jus a lil sumthn sumthn from the kid
2006-10-20 18:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,i was cheated on 5 yrs ago also.i am married to him now,and also have 2 kids with him.i have been with him since i was 13 now i'm 21.i am also a stay at home mother.i can be very inquizative when i'm ready,sometimes i really want to find out what really happened between them.but i chose to leave it alone cuz i'm only hurting my self.until this day,sometimes when hes making love to me my mind will just flip,knowing what hes doing to me right now he did it to another woman.i want to trust him so much,but i can't find it in my heart to.i know he loves me and he married me and we have a family together now,but how can u do this if u love someone?Everytime he calls me up after he finished working to say hes going to hang out with his friends i get soo mad,i always fear that hes going to hurt me again.i don't trust him and i don't think it will ever come back.but my advise to u sweet heart,is throw away that number,and try and put it behind you.that b**ch will feel good and will laugh at u.its not worth it,think about ur son,and ask god to help u,thats what i do.take care...
2006-10-20 19:09:12 · answer #9 · answered by lovegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the f*ck over it...6 years ago?? Jesus....you're being obsessive and if you're going snooping around looking for sh*t, you're either a)going to lose your man because he thinks you can't trust him; or b) find something you really don't want to find. After 11 years, you should know him enough to know whether he's a cheat or not; why do you need to know the details of something that happened 6 years ago? Get over it; you're being psychotic.
And if you really have these feelings that he could still be cheating, you never should have took him back. That was your first stupid mistake.
2006-10-20 18:03:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋