Ethics:Does my aunt have the right to do this?

Question

My aunt gave me a huge sum of money for my birthday....so i decided to spend it all on this thing that she finds useless...now is it ethical for her to dictate how i spend the money?or is it unethical for her to do so because i accepted the money under no such condition?

When this is the case, i can assume that she decided giving me money so that she can control me in the future,make me buy something she wanted me to buy,educate me on investing money wisely, etc(what i mean here is people always do the most selfish thing possible).So am i ripping her off by not giving her this privilege(as in was this a deal that is accepted by everyone without any verbal agreement)?Or am i justified in doing so because i was not aware of the condition under which i accepted the money?And what if controlling what i buy has put me in a much worse condition than when i had no money?

KSR,
i bought myself a home gym

emmettgolf,
'After explaining that you did it because you foolishly thought that taking care of your health would make your mind perform better and allow you to do better in school'
you have no basis for that

Answer 1

If there was a contract, then she has the right to her end of the contract. If there was no contract, then she has no such rights.

Meaning, if she said "Here is some money that you should use to ...", and you accepted the money, that would be a contract (not a legally binding one, of course, but an ethical one just the same). If she said "Here is some money. I was hoping you would use it to...", then there would not be an explicit contract, but you could still feel guilty about not doing what she said, because she made her desire known before you accepted the gift. If she said "Here is some money." and that was the end of the discussion, then there is no contract, express or implied, and she has no claim on how you spend it.

Of course she has the right to give you money and tell you what to do with it, and you have the right to refuse the money on the grounds that you only accept money with no strings attached. But she does not have a right, ethically, to expect you to do what she would do with the money. If she wanted that, she should have kept the money and done whatever it was she wanted to you do with it.

Answer 2

It was a gift and you had the right to spend it as you saw fit. People give gifts because it makes them happy to give. If giving you this gift didn't make your aunt happy she may look for other sources of happiness in the future. That is her right.
But hey, she's your aunty and she loves you. Maybe you can talk about it. Maybe you can point out that you and she don't see eye to eye on fiscal matters and in the future if she wants you to have something she should just give you that rather than giving you money which seems like an invitation to buy what you want.

Answer 3

I think she does have some right - and you should probably respect that right. It is best to receive a gift graciously, even if it's not your best desire.

However, your question suggests that she didn't make her desires clear. And if she didn't, then the issue is with her, not you. If she wants to give you a gift of books for college, and not exercise equipment, then she needs to make that clear.

A gift with "strings attached" is a control in a way, but such is the nature of gifts. If you don't want control, you have the freedom to say "No, but Thank You - that's a kind offer."

Answer 4

Well, I wonder what you would call a huge sum? And I also wonder what you spent it on? I mean, if she gave you $5000, and you blew it on drugs......
Are you willing to shed any light since you asked the question?

Well, I don't see anyting wrong with a home gym.
I was awfully nice of her to give you a lot of money. You're lucky. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who never gets any money from my not-so-poor family. However, this case is a good example of how people like to attach obligation to their gifts. Maybe she won't give you any more money, but if she is going to try to dictate to you so much, maybe you don't need it.

Answer 5

No she can't tell you how to spend it.

But I am willing to bet that you don't have a snow balls chance in Hades to see any more of her money.

When some one close to you gives you a large some of money you should have given some thought to the reason she gave you the money and saved it or a the least spent it wisely.

So I hope this thing that you bought will give you great pleasure for a long time.

You proved to your aunt that you can do what you want.

Do feel that you have won?

If you do then you have lost.

Answer 6

What you say here, such a small frivolous thing, please try to look at the macro level and see what is happening arond the world. Then you will understand that there are "aunties' galore everywhere!

There are aunties who are handing out monies and charities and that they have no hidden agenda. But , there is constant reminder of a cross and a church. Many call this gentle persuation for conversion from one faith to the other.

Then there are political aunties who dole out contracts for a selected few to expect back voting of their political ideologies.This has been going on for millinnium.

Coming back to you and your aunty , the very fact that you TOOK the money means you needed it and she knew you needed it and , in future , will need more. If your FUTURE need is not there you will defy her and talk bravely as you do.

If , on the other hand , your need is continuous , you will wait to write it in Yahoo till that time. Human nature, friend.

Answer 7

If she gave it to you then she should be aware that what ever you would do with the money is up to you and not her. If we took it to the extreme where you would buy a gun and eventually kill someone with it, then it would make sense to have some regulation in how the money is spent. Since most likely it is not the case here then you should have the final say in how your money is spent.

Answer 8

This happens all the time. I call it "The Emperor's Kimono."

Long story, I'll try to make it short. I read the book "Shogun." In it the Shogun gives his kimono (Japanese toga) to the white sea ship captain to show his friendship. So the captain puts it on and starts dancing around in it and starts sweating into it. All the Geisha ladies get all upset and the captain wonders why. It was finally explained to him that one does not sweat into a gift from the Shogun (emperor). So whenever my wife buys me a shirt and I drop some food on it and she says something, I'll say, Oh, yeah, the Emperor's kimono.

The moral of this story is, the money's yours and it should not come with strings and conditions attached. Your aunt should read Shogun.

Answer 9

A gift is a gift.

She has no right to give you a gift of money, and then try to guilt you into how you spend it.

If she wanted to, she could have set up a type of informal contract, as you mentioned...put half in college savings, or whatever.

If she just wrote you a check, she has no business interfering...unless of course we are talking about illegal stuff (drugs). In that case, you lose. She would have every right to be offended.

If you just bought a new motorcycle or whatever though...that is your choice.

Answer 10

The money is yours,don't worry you can spend it however pleases you.If your aunt had other intentions on how you were to spend the money,then she should have bought these wise things personally and gave them to you as a gift,don't worry you can always sell whatever it is that you may of blown it on,at a finacial loss maybe,but a life lesson gained.