Adoption..good or bad?

Question

Im 17, be 18 in 2 months and Im having a baby boy. I already started buying baby stuff but thoughts about adoption keep coming 2 my head becuz i dont kno wat would be better for him in the long run and im still getting my life together. i was adopted n i kno from experience that babies dont always get placed in good homes, so i kno it would kill me to give him up ...i feel like i would regret it for the rest of my life....but n-e-ways i want to read some opinions. Nothing rude please

Answer 1

It is up to you. Honestly it really is. What makes a good parent? This is a question only YOU can answer. Only you can sit down and say I want my baby to have ____ in life. Only you can determine what you want for your child. My suggestion for you is to write a list of what you want said adoptive parents to have. For example--a good home, a happy family, strong religious beliefs, and a dog. (these are just examples you can fill in what you personally feel is important and what you want) Then look at the list and see what of those things you can obtain. If you can obtain the majority of things you would like for your child then keep it--if not you may want to seriously consider adoption. Of course this isn't a make or break deal--you could write the list and still have sore feelings about it still. Whatever you decide know that you did what YOU felt was right. You are the only person who can determine what a "good" parent is and if you could be one. I know it's tough but I'm sure you'll make it through! Best of Luck!

Contact me if you need anything!

Answer 2

A lot of programs allow you to choose the adoptive parents of your baby, so it's all in your hands. If you are still "getting your life together" you have to think about what is best for the baby. Can you afford to take care of him? Do you know how much work it's going to be for the next 18 or 19 years at least? Youc an also do what's called an "open adoption", where you still have contact with the baby. Legally you're not his mother, but you have an agreement with the parents where you can have visits with the baby.

I'm a big advocate of adoption, not only for the baby but the mother as well. My husband's brother and his girlfriend put a baby up for adoption when they were 16 and 17. It was hard but they were glad they did it. They know it was best for the baby, and it's allowed them to do many things they wouldn't ahve otherwise been able to do, like finish school and college and make a real life for their families when the right time comes.

In the end it's your decision. GOod luck to you.

Answer 3

Just like you I was adopted. I hope that you find this helpful and that you will find out what YOU want to do.

1. Did you ever wonder why your parents didn't want you?
2. Did you ever wish your adoptive parents were "nicer"?
3. Have you found your adoptive parents yet?
4. If you gave your child up for adoption what would their birthday be like for you?

I know these questions may seem biased, but if you were adopted you should understand were this is coming from. There are a lot of kids out there that don't get adopted, and once a baby turns into a todler they have very little chance of actually being adopted. For the rest of their life they are bounced from one home to another and develop personality disorders. They also have very little sense of themselves. I have had friends with these problems, and the end result isn't pretty. There isnothing better for a child then the most that you can offer. My daughter is 2 now and I won't lie I had my doubts about being able to raise her and adoption did cross my mind. I just couldn't imagine the thought of not seeing her grow up no matter if Donald Trump did it. You shouldn't do it in my opinion. There are many options to get on your feet so you can take care of your child. State assistance got me my own home, food stamps, and health care. It wasn't much and I had to budget, but in the end it is all worth it. I am now on my feet, engaged to a man that doesn't abuse me and treats me like a queen, and I still have a beutaful baby (terrible toddler sometimes lol) to hold in my arms. I work full time and manage to do online college with federal grants and student loans. There is hope for you and I think you ought to know it. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you decide to keep the baby, start making plans on how to support yourself and your child. I don't think there is a right answer to your question, unless the mother is so mentally incapacitated she would be a danger to her baby. I think adoption is good for unwanted children, but you do have a point, if you really love the child you will find a way to take care of him and a good percentage of adopted children are not treated well. I know the litinany about giving your child away to a couple who could give him a better life is arm twisting guilt. People who say such things to a mother to inspire guilt in a mother when she is vulnerable are the lowest of the low. You should also consider getting the dad in court right away to get child support. Does he want to be involved in the child's life, he very well might want to. You also need to talk with him. Personally, I hope, if you want to in your heart, you have the courage to keep him. I really think the best parent will be you, the love of a child's real mother is something that can not be replaced in life by anything. Just ask someone who has lost their mom. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 5

You will be a8, you don't have to be rich or successful to love and care for your baby. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. A baby is a gift and if you feel that you will provide a bad environment (prostitution, drugs, garbage boyfriends that will abuse you or your child) then maybe a adoption is good for you, but if you plan on leading an honest life, then live it honestly and the best you can. No one said we had to be perfect or rich........kids don't even really care about those things.......I bet you if you surveyed 100 kids, they would all tell you they would choose their parents over anything in the world and I know this because I was a foster parent and these children didn't care that their parents were crack heads of prostitutes, they just wanted THEM, not saying that that is correct but kids just want to be loved by their parents. Just to let you in on a little secret.....being a young, possibly single mother is just a tad bit harder than being married with children..........the only difference is one more adult helping out but you can get that from family or friends....I am married, we waited 4 years before having a baby and now we have a 2year old and a 3mo old and it is still financially hard....

Answer 6

you should not of waited so long you had more options a few months ago it may still not be to late you can go to a private agency and pick the parents so that way you feel better. You can do open adoption you will get pictures and updates of your child and maybe even be allowed to visit you will never get custody and never be included in decisions and you can't change your mind after 30 days as with any adoption but i think giving a baby up is a wonderful thing especially with you being so young

Answer 7

If you keep thinking about adoption, then maybe you should explore it further to help you make up your mind. Talk with some adoption agencies or some private adoption attorneys. This is a decision only you can make, but it will be easier to make with more information. Birth parents get to be very involved in the process and get to pick the adoptive parents. You can even choose an open adoption so that you get to keep in touch with your child as he/she is growing up. Adoption is not the same as it was when you were adopted. I think you will feel much better no matter what you decide to do if you gather more information and make an informed plan that you are comfortable with.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 8

I think it might not be a awesome idea because the only thing it is going to do for your child is keep them wondering in the future about why you might have done it and would you still be in the childs life. I think that maybe they would soon eventually understand but they would still have that question in their mind even if you did tell them the reason. And your child might also think about what if you had never gave him up for adoption. Also there is a possibility that they dont get into a good home and you as a biological mother is going to want the best for them which everyone is going to understand. Im doing a reasearch paper on adoption right now and this is just my opinion but if you coiuld still keep in touch with me you would be a but help on my paper and i would also like to help you as well. If you could send me a message my screen name is [e-mail] thanks so much and I hope I could help you as much as possible.

Answer 9

Adoption is a wonderful, selfless thing. I gave my first child up for adoption as a teen, and if you have any questions about it, feel free to email me.
Adoption is hard, but so is raising a child. As soon as you conceive your life will be forever changed, regardless of the choices you make for yourself and your child.
I am very happy with my decision. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it, but I had an open adoption, and get pictures of my daughter whenever I ask.
If you speak to private adoption agencies, you can choose the family yourself. You don't have to just give him up to state custody and let them do the adoption. It's free for you as a birthmother to use a private agency.

Look at the pros and cons of both decisions. The only person who can decide is you. You have to be ok with what you are doing.
Best of luck.

Answer 10

You might want to seek counseling if you are feeling these emotions. Just to make sure you don't regret one or the other decision that you make. My cousin was also adopted and I think adoption is a good choice as well as going with your heart. Seeing you have already started buying things for him, you might want to talk to more then just one person. It's hard to get attached to something and have to let it go. Especially a baby. I really commend you for reaching out and trying to find the best thing for you and your baby. You are a remarkable person for that.
Take Care,
Sherry in FL