Ok, well, I came out to my parents last weekend, and my Mom was like, "Ok." I asked her what she meant, and she told me that she had suspected for quite some time, especially when I didn't date in high school. (Small community, not many "out" people)
When I told my Dad, he didn't really say much. After a couple minutes of awkward silence, he said "Ok." Later, my Mom said he told her that he was disappointed in me. I decided to test the water a little by telling him that he could tell people (specifically his side of the family) and he changed the subject on me!!!
I figured it could be shock, but my Mom said that he wouldn't talk too much about it; other than to ask her how she felt about it, and whether or not she knew. He asked her if she was going to tell anyone, and my Mom said she would. After talking with my Mom again since, she said he hasn't really discussed it with her even though she tries to get him to talk with her.
Do you guys have any idea what I should do next?
2006-10-20 17:36:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
My Mom's telling her side of the family sometime between now and Thanksgiving.
Oh, forgot to mention, I'm 18, living away at college, but living at home otherwise.
His family is very religious, though his parents are both very bigoted towards people different than them. (So anyone of color, other religions outside their own [even different sects of Christianity], and of course LGBTQAIs)
2006-10-20 17:40:29 · update #1
Give him some time! He didn't reject you or say anything negative about you - that's a positive thing. Let him move at his own pace - it's the most loving thing you can do.
Best wishes
2006-10-20 17:39:15 · answer #1 · answered by Black Parade Billie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just give your dad some time to get used to the idea. Being raised by a bigoted family, he probably found the news to be a really big shock, and it will take some time for him to get used to the idea. Meanwhile, just act the same as you always have around him. Show him that you're still the same person you've always been. Show him that nothing has changed, only the fact that now he knows something that I imagine you have known for quite some time. Don't force the issue. He will come to terms with it eventually.
Congrats on coming out, btw.
2006-10-21 01:13:03 · answer #2 · answered by goldenrose82 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O.K. you've come out to your people, that's good, now maybe you should give them some time to let it all sink in, find it's place.It sounds like they didn't shut thier eyes,cover thier ears and turn thier backs to you and that's great,so yes,I'd say a little time isn't too much to ask for. Moms are more preseptive,I believe,so it wasn't as much of a (for lack of a better word) shock to her but Dads may need a minute or two. Give him sometime and whatever you do, don't shut down the lines of communication. I found my sister after 34 years, she and my mother had done just that,shut down those lines but thank goodness I was able to find her before my mom passed and they could kiss and make up but look at all of those family fights my sister missed out on. Ah well! Good luck,hon.
2006-10-21 02:02:31 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie5150 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been a week! Give him some time! Jeez. It's been over a year and my parents still haven't accepted me. A week is nothing. At the least the still needs some time to process what you told him. Maybe leaving some info around for him to read might be helpful. Some people turn to things like their pastor, priest, parents, etc. Sometimes those people give them bad info and turn them against their GLBT loved ones. Giving him some info from some place like PFLAG might prevent him from swaying against you while he's trying to process what you've told him.
2006-10-21 11:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
5 years later my brother's dad is still coming to terms with him being gay. my mom told my stepdad that he under no circumstances was to push my brother away (way to go mom!). his response was "be happy, be gay" but he didn't show that. he never came out when my brother came over with a boyfriend for a long time. he finally started actively talking to my brother's boyfriends about 2 years ago. i think especially for father's it's hard to have a gay child - they either don't have a son to carry on the name or their hearts are crushed that they don't get to walk their baby girl down the aisle. (at least that's what it seems like to me)
give him time to come to terms with it, especially if he had no inclination that you are gay. even in the most accepting families what's ok for someone else's child is not always accepted when done by their own children. so in your father's case it may take even longer. at least it seems to me he is going to try, otherwise he most likely would have pushed you away immediately
2006-10-21 07:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by Jenessa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry this was his reaction, it took alot to tell him and it's not the answer/reaction you wanted. Although, I guess it coulda been worse he could have totally flipped out and he didnt. Maybe let it lie for now and approch him again after he has had time to let it settle in, Afterall, you are still his son, he loved you before he should still love you now, nothing has changed about you as a son and a person. Hopefully with time, he will adjust to it. In the meantime be who you are and be proud.Good luck
2006-10-21 02:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by JoAnne H 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There isn't anything you can do. Just don't push him into disowning you, like bringing home a partner.
With time he will accept it. So give him time, it might take years but it's better than having him set up a wall between you two.
And don't act different with him from when you were not out with them.
2006-10-21 00:44:37 · answer #7 · answered by the shadow knows 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Like everything else, he has to think about it....and like everyone said, he is not upset with you. He will come around....You mother is telling her side of the family...maybe he will take her cue and tell his side...or not...My 90 year old aunt handles it better then my mother....My b/f's parents are the best people I could have ever ask for...
2006-10-21 01:12:55 · answer #8 · answered by M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there....it is probably the ultimate shock a parent can encounter. I am sure, in time, they will realize that you are still the same person on the inside, your heart is still in the right place, and your love for them hasn't changed either. It will take time for them to realize that...so, like I said, "hang in there", and continue to be yourself.
2006-10-21 00:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by LARGE MARGE 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in this situation but it sounds like a brave thing to do and that you put a lot of thought into coming out. I am sure they can see how concerned for their feelings you have been. If my child came out to me I would embrace them literally for trusting me. A parent's main role is protection, so you have to accept their reactions. Good luck to you. Keep kicking a**!
2006-10-21 00:42:02 · answer #10 · answered by whrldpz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋