When "our" boy is here I am the mother in this house. I don't try and step on his biomoms toes. She is his mother, BUT should I always be shoved to the back when there is a major event in his life, is that what I have to look forward to? He is only 1 1/2 now and I have been part of his life since he was 5 months and we have joint custody.
2006-10-20
16:41:28
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17 answers
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asked by
Christina M
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
This question stems from the fact that he was recently baptised and during this I felt completely left out. I understand and agree that it wasn't my place to be standing up there with them during the actual baptism, but I would have like some pictures with him and my fiance for our scrapbooks. This didn't happen since it might hurt his biomoms feelings to see us having pics taken together.
2006-10-20
17:04:31 ·
update #1
Try not to worry yourself over this too much . Even though you may not be the biological mom doesn't mean that a very special relationship in it's own right won't happen between you and the child also . I brought an 8 year old boy into my second marriage and he's grown now and all turned out well as I expect it will also for you . There will be times when you'll have opportunities to teach the child and do things with him , seize these moments to develop a bond with the child , he'll respect and admire you for this . Talk over your concerns with your husband and get it off your chest , your feelings are natural as you certainly have a motherly regard for the boy also . It may be difficult in some situations and there may be awkward moments but they can be handled so there are really relatively few as each family can celebrate the boys moments separately also , perhaps they may be a helpful solution or suggestion when speaking with your husband . Your husband will have to speak to the ex concerning the boy so that may take some getting used to but he's with you , keep that it mind and he should be courteous and keep that to a reasonable minimum . Don't consider yourself as on the back burner regarding the child , you'll certainly have an opportunity to add your own unique personal touch to his upbringing and he'll be wiser and more well rounded for it . Good luck you'll do fine !
2006-10-20 17:06:28
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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That is a really tough situation. The stepmom should be supportive but should in no way try and be the mom. I am not suggesting that is what you're doing. You seem to want to do the right thing. I feel like there is no worse position to be in than step parent. You should respect the mothers wishes, but you also have rules for your own household. She should respect those.
The truth of the matter is that you really have no right to be in the pictures at an event like that. Take some pictures of your own prior or after of the event with all of you together.
It'll be different in 10 years, but right now you're too "new" to the situation.
2006-10-21 03:28:49
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answer #2
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answered by CattGirl 2
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Well you are the stepmother and his biomom is the one who will always be involved in any major events. Just provide him with love and happiness for now. Dont try and compete with his biomom as this will cause problems for everyone involved. Wish i could be of more help but you never mentioned exactly what it is that is bothering you
2006-10-20 16:53:07
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answer #3
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answered by classy&sassy 4
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this thought is from someone who grew up living with my dad & stepmom ( i call her mom). My biomom was not there for me day in & day out. my step mom was. She was and is a huge part of my life, and more of a grandmother to my kids then my mom is. So, your role could be very important. Talk to your husband. You should not always be shoved to the back, you should be by
your husband & stepchild's side. just my opinion, hope it helps.
2006-10-20 16:48:51
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answer #4
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answered by kip 2
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No, I don't believe so. You are married to the father. I don't think you should have to be pushed on the back burner. I am a step mother and do not take over, but I have the same rights because I am married to the father. Don't make the other parent feel like they can not be the parent. I hope things go better for you. What does your hubby think about it. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. He may be unaware of those feelings.
2006-10-20 16:53:43
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answer #5
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answered by Kelly s 6
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I think that you really need to talk about your role with your husband. It is not right that you have to sit in the backround. And as time goes on, you will want to have a develop a relationship with him and he may be able to talk to you about what is going on with him in his life. I would like for you to talk to him about what he thinks, he may feel like because you are not his biomom, you don't get a real say. Talk about what you are feeling.
2006-10-20 16:43:04
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answer #6
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answered by Shanigirl 4
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That's is tough. The biomom should take full responsability of her offspring. Your husband should be there for his child but you are his family now. And you should be left free to conceive your own babies.
2006-10-20 16:46:55
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answer #7
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answered by zeca do trombone 5
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as a step-child, i will tell you it is important for you to be an important part of this child's life, but don't overstep your boundaries or you will be resented by both the child and the mother. I would voice my opinions to your husband, but allow him to deal with the mother, for that is surely not your role. it's great for you to want to be involved in his life, but in certain circumstances, you should back up and allow his parents to be there and just take a few steps back. i'm currently dating a man with an 8-year-old daughter, and boy is it a lot harder than it seems to be in that "step-mom" role!!! good luck to you. hope everything works out well.
2006-10-20 17:04:38
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answer #8
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answered by Kerry S 3
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No,you should not be shoved to the back.Both you and your husband should parent the child as your own .The biological mom must learn to share custody as agreed in the divorce agreement. Sharing custody also requires shared responsibility and your husband should share this with you as you share all things. Look at it this way,,two heads are better than one and three can be better than 2
2006-10-20 16:50:19
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answer #9
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answered by mopjky 5
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dont know what you mean by shoved to the back but i can say that i think that step moms should show thier love to a step child as they would show love to their girlfriends children. you wouldnt take a friends child and cut their hair without your friends permission, right? but alot of stepmoms feel they have the right to do things like that and it is wrong. it causes problems. as long as you dont do things like that, things should be ok. a lot of stepmoms should realize that they are NOT the mom..
2006-10-20 16:50:16
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answer #10
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answered by JR 2
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