Does my husband really mean it when he says let's divorce in the middle of the fight?

Question

I just had a big fight with my hubby and it's probably the biggiest one after we got married since last year. He was mad, I guess, and wanted and threatened a divorce. I said fine then ever since that, we haven't talked. I am not gonna back down because I don't feel I was treated right. For someone to say this in any way and any time, it's very hurtful. I know I wouldn't unless I really mean it. Did he try to manipulate me or was he just really mad or he wanted it out? Which one?? I am confused...

Answer 1

You are hurting for the things he said, especially about wanting the divorce. He is probably hurting too, and feeling ashamed that he let himself get out of control. Since it sounds to me that since neither of you is lacking in the pride are, your issues are not going to be solved, as it takes one to give up and start talking. Sometimes we have to let our pride go, and be the one to humble ourselves and go to the other person. When two people fight, it always takes two, as one person can't fight with themselves, thus neither of you is all right or all wrong. Learn to fight fair without attacking each other, just discuss the issues at hand. Then no one comes out as feeling attacked, manipulated, or hurt. Leave the person out of the fight, just discuss the actions of the person, for instance, you can say "it hurts me when we don't get to go out to so and so place, because your WORK is so demanding on you." Attacking him would be a statement like "we never get to go out to so and so place, because YOU always stay at work too late and YOU never come home." Saying statements like that will put him on the defensive and you never get anywhere. It might be good for both of you to learn how to express you needs, desires, likes, and dislikes without attacking each other. When you attack each other that leads to confusion and hurt in the other partner, and mean words hurt deeply. Remember a fight is for both of you to solve a disagreement for the better of each other and your marriage. It's not about "I was right and he/she was wrong."

Answer 2

He was probably very upset and said it out of anger. In the heat of the argument, the middle of the moment, people say things that they don't mean. I'm sure he didn't mean it. People after fights often times spend time away from each other and are upset with one another, but deep down, they love their spouse.
But it probably might be a good idea to take action if he had to resort to threatening for a divorce because that's a pretty good indication that the marriage is starting to take a downhill turn. Maybe sit down and talk with him about what happened, get counseling, but do something because at this point, anything is possible.

Answer 3

Does it really matter who is right or wrong? It is pretty obvious why you are asking for advice is because you don't want this situation to get worse. I'm sure you wanted to resolve this issue as much as your hubby, but pride gets in the way. People say mean things when we are upset and that's human nature. In the Bible, it says if someone throws a rock at you, you throw a bread in return. Don't let pride conquer you and you will regret after. They say the first two years of marriage is the worst for couples because this is the time when you are really getting to know one another. I wish you and your hubby the best. Just forgive and move on.

Answer 4

time will tell. and only u can really answer this question based on the severity of the issue u were fighting over. is he the type of person to say things he doesn't mean when he's upset? put your pride to the side and try to talk to him and find out how he feels. KNOW how u feel about the subject before speakin to him. sounds like u wouldn't be adverse to divorcing either.

Answer 5

It depends on how much you two fight and what it's about. Sometimes people do threaten divorce but don't mean it. But I would say if his done it before he'll do it again and one day it will happen. Don't let him talk that way to you. Talk to him tomorrow and ask him in a clam voice if he meant what he said about getting divorced. Then go from there on what you should do.

Answer 6

Divorce is when something that is together is then parted.

I think he wanted to divorce the argument and bad feelings. Not you persay, but maybe your attitude.

Kinda like God hates the sin, not the sinner.

Try being more calm and logical when you argue. Or at least cooling off before you bring the issue up again.

Answer 7

Sometime when were mad we say things that we don't mean I never mean the thing I say when I mad but after we talk about it and I see how stupid I was I apologize and we make up I bet if you give both of you'll time to cool off and talk to him calmly he'll realize that it wasn't as bad as he though and he was being irrational and apologize good luck and God Bless

Answer 8

He's just mad. Let him cool off.... Unless he wants to talk about it, I'd drop it. We all say things we don't mean.-- My husband and I said it for 2 years to each other... (He was served his papers today.) ... Just make sure it doesn't become a habit by saying this everytime you fight, and make sure there aren't real feelings behind it.

Answer 9

I REALLY doubt that he means it because he was mad at the time and he tuck his anger out on you and said things he doesn't mean! Trust me, latter he will being saying sorry at your knees! It was only a fight that means nothing! Fights don't mean aything and rasing your voice doesn't do anything but give you a soar throught!

Answer 10

Well, he is the only one who can tell you whether he meant it or not. No one here is a mind reader. But since you aren't speaking to him, and you don't want to back down, I guess you'll have to live with the suspense. Either that, or grow up and start mending fences.