When the person you love is sick?

Question

I should be able to deal with this by now...

About a year ago he was diagnosed with cancer. He's gotten through that, but the chemotherapy left him with lupus. Now, we talk all the time, we are deeply in love, we usually get to see each other at this point about once a week (right now it's been nearly two, which is probably why I feel so awful right now).

How do you deal with this? How do you deal with someone who is sick? How do you deal with the pain of watching them suffer, knowing there's nothing you can do about it? Yeah, I've been going through it in varying degrees for a year. But I have nobody around me who can relate to this...anyone out there who's been through this before?

I went to a couple support groups, but one is much too far for me to get to regularly with my job, and the other didn't want me to come back because I wasn't a Christian.

Answer 1

You should try to find a support group to talk with others who are going through the same thing.

Answer 2

Personally,
I think your amazingly strong to have stuck by him and love him love him ! However feeling guilty and confussed is only human..You have needs too and sometimes we throw ourselves into other peoples hard times and wind up feeling neglected...HEY YOU ARE IMPORTANT!
I am sure he would want to know that your feeling a little lonely and I bet he wont expect you to be a pillar of strengh all the time. A couple is just that two people..two people sharing the expirience of life good or bad..sounds like you've gotten though the worst of it..and now you need to reward yourself..get out and have a good time.treat yourself to a bubble bath or a spa day......
SELF SOOTHE
.also whatever your personal belifs are if both of you have each others love that alone can get you through this too.Your a beuatiful person with a great heart not very many people are this selfless...you should hold your head up high cause if the world had more people like you life could be a whole lot easier for everyone..


Interesting data:
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. All your feelings are normal. It is helpful, however, to know that human grief is a process that often follows a healing pattern.

Shock is the first stage. It is accompanied by disbelief and numbness.

Denial follows quickly, crying "I don't believe it," or "It can't be."

Bargaining is your promise that "I'll be so very good that maybe I can wake up and find that it isn't so. I'll do all the right things if only...."

Guilt is painful and hard to deal with. This is when one says over and over, "If only I had..." or "If only I had not..." This is a normal feeling and ultimately it may be solved by stating, "I'm a human being and I gave the best and worst of me to my friend (child, husband, etc...) and what he or she does with that is his or her responsibility.

Central to wellness is the concept of adaptation -- the flexible, creative use of resources to maximize your choices and experiences of mastery. This is the key to creating and sustaining a sense of inner tranquility in the face of difficult realities. There is no need to deny grim facts of existence or to pretend to others that all is well when inside there is little except torment. To be psychologically well while physically sick involves the belief that your personal worth transcends physical limitations; you need positive self-esteem for true adaptation. This belief in your self-worth rarely emerges until what you have lost and grieved for stands second in importance to precious moments of inner peace and joy.

http://www.alpineguild.com/COPING%20WITH%20CHRONIC%20ILLNESS.html

Lastly all I can say from one human being to another who has delt with suffering..take it easy on yourself ..and try to enjoy little things and little moments..Other proboly take for granted..Peace and love M~*

Answer 3

Hi there,

There are groups of people, who meet, who are dealing with a loved one who is sick. the hardest thing about this situation is that he is not in a position to be able to give you what you need emotionally right now. It is tough. You need to talk to a good friend, maybe a therapist. Don't beat yourself up about this. Who wouldn't have a hard time dealing with it.

hang in there. if you love each other, that is what you should concentrate on.

Answer 4

My husband was diagnosed with cancer two year ago. I had fallen out of love with him but still love him as a person dearly. The longer we go on the harder it gets watching him get more and more sick. All I can really tell you is try to be there when he needs you but only if he asks for help. My husband really doesn't want to feel dependant on me. It causes alot of arguements. I wish you luck.

Answer 5

i have some health problems myself and there is nothing they can do to fix me sometimes i feel guilty that my husband does so much for me and i love him so much he never complains and is always there for me just be there for him and dont give up you are a great person for sticking it out gather all the memories you can and spend time together even if its just watching a movie or talking together there is someone out there that will listen to you and when you least expect it they will be there i will be thinking of you and you hang in there good luck

Answer 6

You need a support group to offer guidance in how to handle this most traumatic of times

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear that girl that's tight how you are standing beside him. These days there not alot of people that ae down for the loves one's. Just pray for him and God wil be there for both of you. God Bless!

Answer 8

yes I have been thro that myself, I care for terminally ill people and yes it is hard. I am caring for an elderly lady now, Listen if you want to chat hook up with me on yahoo messenger, will listen to you all I can and then some. Good Luck !!

Answer 9

my personal way of dealing with things like that is ignoring... but that's not the kind of thing you want to hear. so sorry.

Answer 10

THAT's called love.....bottom line......